Confessions of the Platonic Girl
by The Good Girl
Summary: Now Complete! It's both a blessing and a curse being a guy's best friend. This story is dedicated to all the women out there who want to be loved for who they ARE. Dedicated to all the women who are beautiful in their own way.
1. Feeling Up

It never bothered me that I was the girl the guys would come to and cry about their girl problems. The girl that would comfort the guys when one of their flimsy girl friends broke up with them. No, it never bothered me. I never minded when the guys would give me the 'high five' or the 'hair tousle' or even the platonic 'bear hug.' One would think after sixteen years of existence I'd have attracted at least one male to me. But nope...sure I had tons and tons of guy friends, but that was just it. Friends. Guy friends. And frankly, I guess I never really cared. I enjoyed seeing who could stuff the most chips in their mouth, or who could drink the most pop without losing their breakfast. But sometimes...sometimes I got lonely.  
  
And this was one of those times.  
  
I sat there in the small cafeteria of Castle Rock High and watched across from me as one of my best friends, Chris Chambers, talked sweetly to the girl beside him. I didn't remember her name...Gina or Ginny or something. She had long, blonde hair and wide, emerald eyes. To say the least, she was the polar opposite of me.  
  
The bimbo giggled and blushed, and I could tell she was rubbing her foot against Chris' leg. I could tell by the way his hand moved steadily under the table towards her lap. I looked away, my face flushing, towards Gordie LaChance, but the buffoon was talking with his girlfriend Mary Louise. I rolled my eyes-the two were never apart. I loved Mary Louise, she was probably my only friend that was a girl, but again, like I said, this was one of those times when I was lonely.  
  
The blonde was whispering something into his ear, and I couldn't hear what. I began playing with my sandwich while Chris's hand traveled even lower down the girl's skirt. I looked around angrily-this was a major violation of P.D.A. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the girl kissed his ear and stood up, straightened her skirt, and walked away towards her group of friends eyeing them suspiciously.  
  
I shot Chris a look of pure disgust and started my English essay which was due next period. He looked at me innocently and took some of my pretzels.  
  
"What?"  
  
I scoffed and shook my head, scribbling furiously away. I couldn't believe the nerve of that boy! I had known him for as long as I could remember, and the boy had always been girl-crazy, which I couldn't help but get annoyed. I guess it didn't annoy me as much as the fact that it hurt when his latest fling became more important than me, his best friend. And as selfish as that sounded, it hurt so badly.  
  
"Lark-what?" He continued eating my pretzels and I snatched them away and rolled my eyes. "Hey! Those pretzels are good."  
  
I glared at him. "Yes, and they are MINE."  
  
"Lark, tell me what's wrong." I couldn't help but melt at those aged, innocent ridden blue eyes. The poor guy had seen and felt so much for his tender seventeen years of age. I sighed and I knew he could sense me melting, so he turned on that damned charm of his. He smirked slightly, and his crazy blonde hair made him look windswept. No wonder he had so many girls...  
  
"You were just feeling that girl up, that's what's wrong!" I said heatedly, turning crimson and returning to my essay. I got annoyed when his smirk grew wider and he pouted mockingly.  
  
"Aww, Lark you wish it was you I was feeling up?" He teasingly touched my leg and I jerked away.  
  
"Shut up," I snapped. "It's not that. I just-I-don't want that slut sitting at our lunch table-she-er-makes me lose my appetite."  
  
Chris rolled his eyes and stole some more of my pretzels. "I don't care. Her name is Sarah, not 'slut' and she's my friend."  
  
I scoffed. "Friend? Right."  
  
He shook his head and patted my arm. "You really need to get laid."  
  
I glared and snatched my pretzels back from out of his hands.  
  
~*~*~  
  
w00tw00t ReViEw! *Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl* 


	2. Bickering

I watched wistfully as my bus sped down the street. I glanced at my watch and groaned. I had just missed it by exactly four fifths of a minute. Even if I knew how long that was, I'm sure it wouldn't have made much of a difference. On top of my already painfully slow day of school, I was now stuck walking home. It's not like it wasn't nice out—the cool air played with my face. But still...it's not like I lived right around the corner. As small as Castle Rock was, I was lazy and didn't feel like walking.  
  
I looked around hopefully for a ride home. To my dismay, most people weren't stupid like me and had caught the bus. The others who drove were milling around the parking lot. No luck, I wasn't friendly with any of the ones I saw. Finally, amongst the crowded steps of my high school, I spotted Chris and a different girl then the one at lunch—this time a bubbly redhead—sitting secluded on the steps. He was whispering into her ear and I grimaced—would the boy ever give it up?  
  
I didn't care how intimate they were—I wanted a ride home dammit. Dragging my bag behind me, I trudged over to him and cleared my throat several times so he would realize I was there.  
  
"Ahem." He looked up distractedly and the girl pouted.  
  
"Uh—Lark, I'm kinda busy here," Chris said, pulling away from the redhead. She looked at me angrily but I ignored her.  
  
"I need a ride home," I said bluntly. It wasn't helping that the wind was blowing my long, brown curls all around my face and I couldn't see right. I squinted at him and tapped my foot expectantly.  
  
Chris looked at me like he couldn't believe I was asking such a task. Heaven forbid. "Uh—don't you take the bus?"  
  
"I missed it."  
  
The redhead was getting antsy by now and when she saw the expression on my face—which couldn't have been welcoming—she grabbed her purse and looked at Chris.  
  
"Wait—no," Chris said, throwing me the deadliest look. "Jen—"  
  
The girl shook her head and stalked off into the crowd. Chris whipped his head around and glared at me, gathering his books and standing up. "Dammit Lark!"  
  
I widened my eyes. "What?" I asked innocently. I still needed that ride home.  
  
"Just because you've never had a boyfriend, does NOT mean you can screw all my chances," Chris said irritably. I glared at him.  
  
"Oh please, Chris. That girl wasn't even pretty."  
  
Chris shook his head. "Right—and this is coming from the girl who runs around playing ball with me and the guys."  
  
I glared at him and shoved him so he stumbled into a few freshmen. They scurried away looking harassed. I laughed but Chris shook his head.  
  
"Right—so, can I drive?"  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Chris, please, turn this crap off!" I begged, listening to some death music. I didn't even know who it was by—I couldn't tell you. Buddy Holly? Chris sang the song under his breath and bobbed his head to the music. I gave him a look of pure disgust.  
  
"You poor, poor child," I said, sighing and letting my hands play with the wind as we drove in his truck towards my house.  
  
He looked at me and smirked that smirk of his. I looked away—I didn't like the feeling of vulnerability I felt whenever he smirked like that. I didn't like it at all. I hated how my stomach lurched when he smirked like that.  
  
"Hey—I could have said no when you wanted a ride home," he said, turning down the radio a bit. "You ruined my chances with Jen."  
  
I scoffed and laid my head back. "But you didn't say no. Actually you said 'screw you bitch, get in the car' but all's well that ends well."  
  
He laughed and I grinned. No matter how much we bickered, Chris really was one of my best friends—if not my best friend. I'd grown up with the kid ever since grammar school and we never got tired of each other. All those summers he spent teaching me how to play ball, all the late nights at my house when his dad got really bad. It all meant something to me, it made Chris have this special place in my heart. But sometimes, I wondered how much I really meant to him.  
  
We finally got to my house, and I sighed as he pulled into the drive way. I saw the look on Chris' face, the look of anxiety he got whenever he was about to go home and face the worst.  
  
"Er—you can stay if you want," I said opening the door. "You know, if you want. Just for a little bit."  
  
Chris bit his bottom lip—a nervous habit of his. He looked apprehensively at my home then down at his own two hands. Finally, he shook his head and grinned sadly at me.  
  
"I better not. My mom might—you know—need me. Uh—I'll see you tomorrow Lark."  
  
I nodded and grabbed my bag. "Okay. Bye."  
  
~*~*~  
  
[^_^ ~*ReViEw*~ please? They are much, much appreciated. Thanks to all my reviewers! I'll do shout outs in the next chapter...depends on how many reviews I got! *HeEhEe* Alright now, I know I'm boring ya'll. Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl] 


	3. My Thoughts

"Hello, anybody home?" I called, setting my bag down on the couch. I heard muffled noises coming from the kitchen, and a pleasant smell wafted to my nose. I grinned—despite my crappy life at school, my home life was pretty decent. I quickly walked into the kitchen to find my mom stirring something at the stove and my older brother, Danny, doing homework at the table.  
  
"Lark," my mother said, turning around. "What on earth took you so long?"  
  
I glanced at my watch. "Mom, I'm only five minutes later than usual. I missed my bus."  
  
Danny started laughing loudly and I glared at him as I sat down at the scrubbed wooden table. "Shut up. I got a ride from Chris."  
  
My mom grinned and clucked her tongue. I rolled my eyes. "He's such a nice boy!" she said, coming over to the table. "I haven't seen much of him lately. You two in a fight or something?"  
  
I stole some of Danny's chips and shook my head. "No. And mom, he was here last week."  
  
"Oh, I know!" she exclaimed, returning back to her cooking. "But he used to be here almost everyday!"  
  
I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess things are changing."  
  
Danny snorted. His dark hair stood on end and his brown eyes were full of amusement. I hated when he got like this—all stupid and immature, teasing me constantly. "He just doesn't have time for you. Maybe if you brushed your hair once in awhile..."  
  
I swatted his nose and crossed my arms. "My hair is fine, thank you!"  
  
"Oh darling," my mother cooed. "Of course it is. I notice you're wearing that ribbon more often."  
  
I blushed and looked away. So what if I wasn't totally girly? I put a ribbon in my hair and POOF! The whole world is crumbling around me. I laughed at the image then grabbed my stuff. "I have homework. Good bye family."  
  
~*~*~  
  
The solitude of my bedroom always confined my darkest moods. I didn't mind my family, really. But sometimes it was nice to pretend to be an only child. I always envied Mary Louise. She was an only child and got almost everything she ever wanted. In my family, it was Danny, me, then Lucy who was fourteen. Then Phoebe who was ten and the baby of the family was Teeny at five. It got on my nerves not having money like other families—my dad worked so hard to take care of us, but my mom hadn't had a job in forever, staying home to take care of the kids. I guess I had a lot to be grateful for...but still.  
  
Opening my English book, I set to doing my essay, but my mind just couldn't concentrate. I often zoned out, just getting lost in my thoughts. I liked thinking—I could make anything happen in my thoughts. In my thoughts, I was taller and thinner, with long, silky straight hair and big, blue eyes instead of my boring brown eyes. In my thoughts I was dainty, and smelled like roses. I'm not saying I smelled bad, but in my thoughts I was like a flower. My laugh was like a tinkle in my thoughts, instead of the dry laugh it was. Instead of hand-me-down jeans and black and green striped T-shirts, I wore pretty sweaters and blouses, and freshly pressed skirts. In my thoughts, I wore pink lipstick and my eyes were eye-shadowed. In my thoughts my nails were always painted instead of chipped. In my thoughts I wore pearls instead of vintage jewelry I found in my mom's trunk. In my thoughts...Chris was holding my hand and laughing with me and he thought I was the most beautiful girl ever.  
  
In my thoughts...  
  
But in real life I was totally the opposite. I wasn't dainty and petite; I was your average girl. My hair may have been pretty to some, with its curls and whatnot, but it got on my nerves. I usually just wore it pulled to the side in a half sort of thing, with some of it down, and a ribbon in it. I never wore jewelry save for my moms cool bracelets and long earrings I found sometimes. I hardly ever wore makeup, maybe on picture day or for some special occasion, but other than that I found it annoying. I owned no nice clothes—my daily apparel consisted of a striped fitted T-shirt and hand-me-down faded jeans, usually sizes too big for me. My nails were always chipped with old nail polish, and I didn't laugh all sweet and whatnot. I just laughed—loud and sometimes obnoxiously. I didn't smell like roses, more like nothing. No, I didn't smell like anything. I smelled clean, that was it. But it's hard to smell yourself I guess. My eyes were boring brown. They weren't even a pretty brown—they were chocolate brown or coffee brown. No, more like dead-leaves brown. I guess the guys only valued my friendship because I listened more than I talked. And I gave them advice on girls because that was the only thing I knew—what it'd be like for a guy to like me as a girl and not just another pal to stuff your face with candy.  
  
I didn't care about my appearance as much as other girls cared about theirs. I suppose it was partly because of my friends being all guys. Gordie, Chris, Teddy, Vern. They weren't exactly experts on girls' feelings. More like what the girl would do that night. Mary Louise would occasionally give me some advice, but I didn't ask. I didn't want to—perhaps I was too embarrassed? I would probably never know.  
  
I didn't know if I fell asleep thinking about what I wanted to look like or if I had fallen asleep after I was finished my homework. But no sooner had I thought I was just sitting on my bed, taking a nap, I was being woken up by a soft tapping at my window. I was alarmed when I fluttered my eyes open that everything was dark. How long had I been asleep? I hated falling asleep during the day—it threw me all off wack. The tapping persisted, and I tentatively crawled over to my window. I was surprised to find Chris' face looking at me anxiously; his body perched cautiously on the oak tree that was right beside my window. This wasn't the first time Chris had used that tree to climb up to my window—but he hadn't done it since the ninth grade, when his father got so bad he had broken Chris' arm. I could only think how bad it was this time...  
  
I quickly opened the window and the cold air blew in my face. "Jesus, Chris, get in here! It's freezing outside."  
  
I helped him climb in, and I noticed his hair was even more unkempt then usual. He had a bloody lip and his shirt was torn. My heart immediately melted.  
  
"Come here," I whispered, grabbing his hand and sitting him down on my bed. "You're trembling. Why?"  
  
Chris, indeed, was shaking like mad. I knew it was cold outside...how long had Chris been out there? I touched my fingers gently to his face and made a sharp intake of breath.  
  
"Chris, you're ice," I said. He looked up at me sadly.  
  
"I—I—my dad..." he trailed off. His voice was scratchy and unsteady. I quickly rummaged threw my hamper and found a spare sweatshirt. I threw it to him and he quickly pulled it on right overtop his windbreaker.  
  
"Chris, what happened?" I asked. I sat beside him and looked at him. He looked meekly at me and sighed.  
  
"You know," he said. He touched his lip carefully and grimaced. I frowned.  
  
"You need to clean that up. Hold on—I'll get a rag."  
  
I left Chris on my bed to go and fetch a towel from the bathroom. When I came back in he was still sitting on my bed, looking down at the floor. I knelt down in front of him.  
  
"Here," I said, dabbing his lip gently. He cringed but I persisted. "It's better this than it get infected later on."  
  
Chris looked up at me with those blue eyes and I couldn't help but want to hold him in my arms. I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay—everything was going to be okay.  
  
"I can't go back," Chris muttered. "I don't want to...and plus he locked me out."  
  
I nodded, understanding. "You can crash here." I looked around and found a pillow thrown in the corner of my room. "You look exhausted. I'll take the floor, you can have my bed."  
  
He shook his head. "Don't be stupid..."  
  
"Really, I don't mind," I said, standing up briskly and to my surprise I blushed. "Er, I like the floor. Nice and...er...firm. Yeah. Firmness. Ahh."  
  
He shook his head, grinning slightly, though it looked like it caused him pain. "Thanks Lark."  
  
I grinned at him and set my bed up on the floor. He crawled under my covers and my heart fluttered slightly. Chris Chambers in my bed. Sure, he'd slept over plenty before. But it just felt different now—suppose teenage hormones. I shrugged off the feeling and laid to sleep—though I couldn't stop thinking of the tortured boy asleep above me.  
  
~*~*~  
  
[Hey guys! Okay, thanks so much for my reviewers! You guys...ROCK! Okay, here's to another chapter. :) Hope ya'll like it. It was a bit fluffy, I know, but hey. I can't avoid it sometimes. Ahh, well. ReVieW! Shout outs in the next chapter!] 


	4. Unkempt

If there was anything more annoying than sunlight pouring into my eyes early in the morning, it was my alarm clock going off like mad. I turned over on my space on my floor and pulled the pillow over my eyes. The noise punctured my skull—I began to whimper and finally when I couldn't take it anymore, I knocked the stupid thing off my dresser.  
  
Sitting up carefully, I didn't remember why I was on the floor. But slowly the memories from last night came flooding in and I remembered being awakened by Chris. I looked over to my bed, but it was empty and neatly made. I grinned. Always the gentleman...  
  
I quickly stuffed my pillows and blankets in my closet and glanced at my clock. I had approximately forty-five minutes until the homeroom bell rang. I hurriedly ran passed my sisters' rooms in the hallway and passed Danny's room, skidded down the stairwell and was welcomed by the smell of pancakes in the kitchen.  
  
"Morning sunshine," my mother said, piling pancakes onto each of my sisters', Danny's and Chris' plates. I walked over to the empty seat beside Chris. He looked tired and his lip was swollen, his hair unkempt and his eyes sad and exhausted. I felt so sorry for him right then. I glanced at him and he looked up at me. He grinned tiredly and I grinned back.  
  
"Mm, these look good mom," I commented, smothering my cakes in syrup. As tired as Chris may have been, he managed to gulp down seven pancakes, beating my brother by two. I couldn't understand it—Chris was tall and lanky, yet he ate like there was no tomorrow. Boys.  
  
Lucy looked up from her plate and her large, green eyes fell lazily onto Chris, then back to me, then to my mom. She quirked an eyebrow, shook her head, and began to eat again. I glanced at her edgily before returning to my own breakfast.  
  
"Danny," I said through a mouthful of pancake, actually sputtering some onto Phoebe. "Oops—sorry Pheebs. Danny, I'll be ready in five minutes, don't leave without me. Yesterday I had to walk to school."  
  
Danny looked lazily at me and took a sip from his orange juice. "Why can't you just take the bus?"  
  
I sighed and shook my head. "I already missed the bus. I need to get ready. Uh—Chris? You—er—want to phone your mom now?"  
  
Chris looked up at me and nodded swiftly, following me out of the kitchen. Once we had left the room, we climbed up to my bedroom and I shut the door quickly. I turned around to him.  
  
"You can just borrow a pair of Danny's clothes," I said, looking through my own dresser for some clothes. "He'll drive us to school. Um—I'll go change in the bathroom..."  
  
Chris ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Lark, thanks for this. Sorry I turned up in the middle of the night, you looked scared half to death."  
  
I laughed and shrugged my shoulders, finally settling on yet another T- shirt and faded jeans which frayed at the ends. "It's fine. You know you're more than welcome here."  
  
Chris nodded and played with the end of my comforter. "I also wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was pretty rude to you after school. I was pissed about giving you a ride home...and I mean you let me spend the night here, give up your bed for me."  
  
I shrugged. "Really, it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't leave you out there."  
  
He looked at me and I looked back at him—maybe for a second too long because I started to blush and turned around sharply. "So yeah—uh—I'll see you downstairs in ten."  
  
I walked out of the room and went to get changed quickly.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Lark, when will you ever start dressing like a girl?"  
  
I glared at Danny as I climbed into his truck beside Chris. "Shut up."  
  
Danny looked at Chris and shook his head. "I don't know how you put up with this—this thing."  
  
Chris shrugged and smirked. "You get used to it."  
  
I punched him hard on the shoulder and he yelped in pain. "You deserved it, fucker. I am not an 'it'."  
  
"Sometimes I don't know what the hell you are."  
  
Danny let us off in the front of the school and went around to park his truck. Students were milling about everywhere in every direction as Chris and I entered the front doors of Castle Rock High. How I hated this place—full of such simple minded people. It made me want to gag.  
  
"Hullo ladies."  
  
I grinned at Gordie as he met up with the two of us at our lockers. He was taller than Chris and I—tall and skinny like he would always be. A beanpole. I giggled at the nickname...beanpole.  
  
"Lark, stop laughing out loud to yourself. You're scaring the freshman."  
  
I looked around at several people shooting me frantic looks and I laughed harder. I couldn't help it...it was funny. Chris patted my shoulder sympathetically and sighed.  
  
"Lark, you poor, poor girl."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Gordie glanced at his watch quickly and raised an eyebrow, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. "Both of you shut up—we're going to be late for homeroom."  
  
I glanced at the clock also and shrieked. "Gahh! Come my childs! Homeroom awaits!"  
  
I grabbed both of their hands and pulled them hard down the hallway, muttering 'pardon me' every few seconds. Finally we reached the classroom, just as the bell began to ring.  
  
I sighed with relief and found my seat five away from Chris and Gordie, but just behind Mary Louise. Mary turned around in her chair and raised her eyebrows at me.  
  
"Hello," I said happily, scribbling some last-minute homework.  
  
Mary Louise grinned slightly and turned fully around in her seat. "So...I saw you coming into school with Chris this morning. What was all that about?"  
  
I arched an eyebrow. "Holy fuck, you are a stalker...I gave him a ride. Well, actually Danny did because I'm stupid and can't drive yet."  
  
Mary Louise shook her head and sighed. "Lark O'Rielly. I'm not an idiot. Chris has a car—you take the bus. Now—why did he come with you this morning?"  
  
I leaned back in my chair. "Nosy, aren't we?"  
  
"No...just curious."  
  
I sighed and then folded up my homework. "He spent the night."  
  
She squealed like a little girl and several people turned around in their seats. "Oh my Gosh—do you know what this means?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "It means absolutely nothing. Shut up—people are looking."  
  
"You're fucking the man whore, aren't you?"  
  
"NO!" I shrilled, looking absolutely horrified. "Shut up! He's my best friend. He spent the night because his da—wait, I shouldn't have to explain this to you!"  
  
Mary Louise shrugged and giggled, then looked over to where Chris and Gordie were sitting talking. She sighed.  
  
"It would have been nice though...we could have double dated."  
  
I glared at her and returned to my homework...but I couldn't help but steal a glance at Chris one more time.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Shout-out time, I presume!  
  
Danihum—Hello, hello again! *Yay!* I'm so glad you're reading this. I'm a bit confused over your review though—was it meant to be a flame or just constructive criticism? I wasn't sure. Anywho, I still heart you and your reviewing! So keep it coming! Hope you keep reading. :) a juicy strawberry for you!  
  
SleepIsFun—Yay, you're back to reviewing my stories. I'm so happy. Gah! Well I'm glad you like this story and the plotline. I hope this chapter wasn't disappointing...it was kind of short. Ahh, well, what can you do, eh? Here's a strawberry to yeh! :)  
  
StormShadow21—Yes, you reviewed! Holler to you and strawberries come flying your way. I'm very glad you like this so far...and I can't wait until you update your Christine Sixteen. Back to shout-out mode...ahh yes. Dogfight! I want to see that movie so very bad!! So it was good? :) I love River! He's so cool. And we should definitely to a story with that plotline...it's an awesome plotline. One of the best probably. Yes...I'm glad you like Lark too. I'm so anti-Mary sue, so I hope Lark comes off as that. :) Strawberries for you!  
  
Sophie—Hey there! Keep on reading and reviewing! It's awesome. I'm glad you like this story. Truly, I am. :) Strawberries for you!! Big, juicy strawberries. Lol :)  
  
Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl 


	5. Glare

"Miss O'Rielly. What is the lateral area of the rectangle?"  
  
I snapped my head up and looked at Mr. Jarkins nervously. I hadn't even heard the question...I quickly began racking my brain for possible answers. Five. You couldn't go wrong with Five. Everything equaled five.  
  
"Five," I said confidently, nodding my head a bit to reassure myself. Mr. Jarkins shook his head impatiently and several people around me snickered. I blushed and sunk lower into my seat. How did I always manage to embarrass myself?  
  
"Now really! Miss O'Rielly, have you been paying any attention to the last half hour of class?" Mr. Jarkins looked extremely aggravated. I blushed even deeper looked down to my hands.  
  
"Err..." I managed to mutter out quietly. Mr. Jarkins glared at me and walked toward his desk, pulling open his bottom drawer.  
  
"I suppose you'll learn with detention, eh?" He took out a pink slip and began scribbling away. I wrung my hands nervously. Great, another detention. Just one more thing I needed to deal with. Mr. Jarkins finished with my slip and threw it down on my desk. "See you at three. Now, can someone please tell me what the lateral area is?"  
  
A blonde sitting in the first row shot her hand into the air and smirked in my direction. I glared back—I had no idea who the girl was, but she obviously had a problem with me. Lovely.  
  
"Ahh, Miss Bradshaw!" Mr. Jarkins beamed. I shuddered. The dirty old toad. I should have known—he was just like any other male teacher...favors the blonde, the skinny, the busty. Since I was the total opposite, I usually got the bullshit.  
  
"The lateral area is five hundred and seven," the Bradshaw chick answered smartly. Several people around her looked to her and smiled then gave me disgusted looks. I snorted and wrote down the answer quickly. In front of me I noticed Chris smiling at the girl also. My heart immediately shattered a bit...it wasn't the fact that he was smiling that smile I so wished he would smile at me, it was the fact it had to be to that girl. The girl who obviously didn't like me. How I wished so many times I could have been the girl who received *that* smile. Sure, Chris smiled at me before. But it was never that smile. That smiled where you could tell the person wanted nothing more than to kiss and hold them. No, I always got the 'smirk.' And it was really starting to bug me.  
  
The rest of the class went by so incredibly slow. Finally, Mr. Jarkins let us talk and mingle with ten minutes left until the bell rang. I immediately took out a scrap piece of paper and began to write whatever came to mind. Whenever I had stress, I just wrote it down, whatever came to mind. Most of the time, it didn't even make sense. But it made me feel better.  
  
"What are you writing?"  
  
I looked up to find Chris looking down at my paper, his chair turned around. I automatically put an arm over my writing and he frowned.  
  
"Aww, come on Lark," he whined, trying to move my arm. "Lemme see. You used to read me what you wrote all the time."  
  
I shrugged. It was true...but those times were different. My life had been much less complicated back then, and the things I wrote were simpler. Now, I had all these mixed up feelings in me and my writing made little to no sense, but I understood them. They were my thoughts...and I didn't like sharing my thoughts. I guess I was a bit cold, and sometimes hard, but it was better than wearing my heart out on my sleeve. Something Gordie had never really been good at...  
  
"No!" I snapped, when for the fourth time he tried to pry my arm away.  
  
He sighed and rested his elbows on my desk. I looked up at him and smirked.  
  
"Why not?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously. I immediately bit my lip like I always did when I lied. I didn't want to tell Chris that my writing was mostly about him—that would probably scare him.  
  
"Er—cause...cause it's private," I stammered. Would I ever learn how to lie? No, probably not. I was far from clever. "It's—er—I don't want you reading it!" Good, some truth. My confidence began to come back to me. "I shouldn't have to share everything with you."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow and his fingers slowly began to creep across the desk. I slapped them quickly and he tapped them impatiently on the desk. "Larrrrrrrrrkle," he teased, using his nickname for me. I hated it. 'Larckle.' Real original.  
  
"Why don't you go and talk to your smut friend up there?" I snapped, flicking my eyes up to where Bradshaw sat, talking with a few of her friends. Her long, shiny blonde hair hung like silk on her shoulders and when she laughed she flicked it with her hands, making her look almost angelic.  
  
Chris followed my gaze and saw whom I was speaking of. He raised his eyebrows at me. "Amanda Bradshaw?"  
  
I shrugged. "I dunno."  
  
Chris looked over at her again and smiled. "Yep, that's Amanda Bradshaw. She's so freaking smart...and not to mention really hot. Yeah, I think I will talk to her."  
  
I looked up horrified. I wasn't serious. He couldn't talk to her! No, not her! I already held a grudge against her for giving me that cocky look—no! This couldn't be happening to me.  
  
"I was only kidding!" I said, laughing lightly and nervously. But Chris was already distracted. He was halfway out of his seat and was looking her way.  
  
"Amanda Bradshaw..." Chris muttered. Was he even listening to me? I began to panic. I really didn't want him talking with her. I knew the girl wouldn't have any objections—no girls had objections to Chris Chambers talking to them. I already had myself a lot of enemies for being his best friend.  
  
"Chris, no!" My cool was gone now. Out the window, lost, dead, waving good bye to me. "Here, here's my writing!" I waved it around frantically, but he was already gone. Gone. Amanda was laughing, Chris was smiling, muttering to her...her friends were giggling. She was blushing.  
  
I slowly placed my writing on the desk and put my head in my hands. I was having one of those feelings again...that feeling of longing, of being forgotten, of being nothing to Chris. Again, one of his flings were going to become more important to him than me.  
  
Someone tapped my shoulder but I didn't look up. They tapped some more, and finally getting annoyed I sat up sharply and whipped my head around. Gordie stood there, grinning at me. I sighed.  
  
"'Lo, Gordie," I muttered. He sat down in Chris' now vacant seat and I looked sadly at him.  
  
"Awwe, what's wrong Lark?"  
  
I sighed. Gordie was probably my only other one besides Chris that I could really confide in. He was always just there for me, and I always felt like I was never there enough for him. He had so much sadness in his life; I just wanted to make him happy.  
  
"I hate Chris."  
  
Gordie laughed and looked over to where Chris was now talking sweetly to Amanda. I glared at the pair of them—no doubt he was asking her out to movies or whatever.  
  
"I think someone is just a bit jealous."  
  
I glared at Gordie now, and he smirked. "Yeah...right. Me, jealous! Ha! As if."  
  
Gordie shrugged and glanced at the clock. "I'm not stupid Lark."  
  
"Yes you are," I growled, beginning to pack up my things.  
  
"Why don't you just talk to Chris? Why don't you just let him know that you don't approve of his—erm—'pickings'?"  
  
I laughed and tugged absentmindedly at a stray curl. "I'd sound like his mother. Besides, I don't care about Chris' love life! He could fuck the whole female population—which he probably has—and I wouldn't care!"  
  
Gordie shrugged just as the bell began to ring. "Whatever. Don't listen to me. But I know that you care...erm...deeply about Chris."  
  
I nudged him with my elbow, but grinned at him all the same. "If you tell a soul I will kill you."  
  
He smirked and blessed himself with his pinky. "I swear on my mother's good name." I grinned and we both walked out of class. And I didn't look back at Chris once...well I tried not to anyway.  
  
~*~*~  
  
My locker wouldn't budge. It was stuck—either that or I completely forgot my combination. I stood there—long after the lunch bell had rang and just looked at my locker. I knew it wasn't accomplishing anything...but it was somewhat useful, I suppose. If I ever came across the situation where I needed to know exactly what my locker looked like, I would know every crack and line that was on it.  
  
But it still wouldn't budge. I gave up looking at it and placed my bag on the floor. There was fifteen minutes left until lunch, and if I hurried I'd make it. I doubted whether anyone noticed I was missing—I would have just eaten right there, but my lunch was in my locker, of course.  
  
I pulled hard on my lock, but it just would NOT unlock. What was it with my luck? Why was I so jinxed, all the time?! I heard footsteps behind me, then two people talking. I looked around and my eyes settled on Chris and none other than my favorite person in the world—Amanda. They were walking down the hall, talking and laughing. I glared at them, naturally.  
  
Chris finally noticed me struggling with his locker, and came up. "Hey Lark."  
  
I turned around, as if noticing them from the first time, and forced a smile. "Hey Chris." I looked to Amanda. "Hey Amanda." I may have been cold and hard, but I wasn't immature.  
  
Amanda, however, was a different case. She looked at me as if I was a bug she wanted to squish really bad.  
  
"Lark." She said my name curtly, and nodded. I continued to smile and returned to my locker. I pulled hard, but it just did not want to move.  
  
"Er—Lark you need some help?" Chris asked, trying to keep a straight face. Great, I was a joke to him.  
  
"No," I said shortly. "I'm fine."  
  
Amanda looked at me again and then back to Chris. "I'll see you later Chris," she said, then walked away stiffly. Chris watched her go and I looked disgusted at him.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently, moving me out of the way so he could open my locker.  
  
I leaned against the other lockers while he fidgeted with the lock, and crossed my arms. "Oh nothing. Noooothinnnnnnngggg at all."  
  
Chris quirked an eyebrow at me. "What is it Lark? There something wrong?"  
  
I laughed coldly. "You know Amanda hates me right?"  
  
Chris shrugged. "She doesn't hate you. She doesn't even know you."  
  
"Exactly. She doesn't even know me, yet she hates me."  
  
Chris managed to open my lock and I began to stuff my books into it. I glanced at the clock—I had five minutes until lunch. There wasn't any point going to lunch, so I snatched my bag out of my locker and sat down against the wall. Chris kneeled in front of me. I pulled out my sandwich and began eating it quickly.  
  
"Amanda does not hate you. She's actually really sweet. I'm taking her to the movies this weekend."  
  
I looked up at him and scoffed. "Ahh. Wait—this weekend? Chris, you know that this weekend you said you'd help me paint the garage! You promised like a million years ago!"  
  
Chris grimaced. "Oh yeah. But—I can't just ditch Amanda! I'll help you another time Lark."  
  
I shook my head. "No, I don't care. I'll do it by myself. Jesus Christ, Chambers."  
  
Chris glared at me and stuffed his hands in his pockets, standing up. "You're getting all bitchy again Lark and you fucking now it's because you're jealous that I actually have a social life, unlike you who's never been on a fucking date!"  
  
I glared at him. "Shut up Chris." It hurt so bad to have him talk to me like that, but I wouldn't cry. I never cried. It just never happened.  
  
"It's true and you know it."  
  
I sighed and looked away. "Listen, I really don't want to fight right now. I'll just see you after school. Listen, I have a detention, do you think you could drive me home since you always end up leaving late anyways?"  
  
Chris rubbed his head and looked away. "Uh—I'm driving Amanda home. Sorry..."  
  
I cried out in frustration and threw the rest of my sandwich at him. He turned and walked away, and I watched him walk away. I watched him walk away, walk away like he always did.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Hullo, back again! I thought I'd like to point out a few things. One: This story will be done in a somewhat vignette kind of way. And it probably won't be as many chapters as Wonder Years, however, it WILL be a full- length fic. I just thought I'd let you all know that it's a bit vignetty, poetic at times, and angsty. Two: Chapters will definitely get longer as the plot progresses. Three: This is not some fluffy, happy little fic. This story will be real and true...that's all I'm saying. I'm not spoiling the end, mainly because I'm not sure how I want it to end. But I have an idea...and it's not going to be clichéd. Well, that's all I'd like to say. Also: Thanks to my reviewers! Keep them coming. :) Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl. PS- shout outs in the next chapter or next two chapters...I like to do them every so many chapters, depending on how many reviews I get. :) 


	6. Bye

Detention was never my favorite place to be, for the obvious reasons. I usually never got them—maybe once or twice every few months. I wasn't some rebel—I just was at the wrong place at the wrong time. My bad luck...yet again. I opened the door to the empty classroom where detention was usually held—a small classroom, dusty and the paint peeling. There were already several people in there and they all looked up as I entered the room, but just as quickly as they looked up their eyes went back down to their desks—I'm sure if Amanda Bradshaw walked in they would all stare at her. Again, my bitter side coming out.  
  
I registered another fact in my mind: I was the only girl in here. I was surprised—I knew at least two girls who always got detention, every week. I looked around for an empty desk and found one beside Teddy DuChamp. Mr. Flatswatter sat at his desk, scribbling away on some paper. He didn't even look up when I entered the room...the poor guy was probably too used to detention-sitting.  
  
"Hey Teddy," I greeted him, sliding into the rickety seat. I set my bag down beside me and looked over to him. Teddy DuChamp hadn't changed much over the years, except for the height difference. He was always short for his age, but he seemed to have a growth spurt when he hit sixteen. Now he was decently tall, though not quite as tall as Gordie and Chris. Teddy's hair was still messy—it could never quite lay down straight...he and Chris often fought over whose hair was craziest. But Teddy no longer wore glasses anymore...and that made him look so much more mature. But he was still kooky Teddy.  
  
"Hey Lark," he said, looking up at me. His elbows were perched on the desk and he looked exhausted.  
  
"What did you do to get in here?" I asked him, pulling out a notebook to write with while the time crept by so very slowly. He looked up at me and sighed, ran a hand through his tangle of hair, then looked at the clock, and finally back at me.  
  
"I skipped first period and got caught," he muttered. "Stupid hangovers."  
  
I shook my head. "Tsk tsk...Teddy it's only Wednesday for Christ' Sake. At least wait until Friday to come to school buzzed."  
  
He laughed a bit and shrugged. "Yeah well...my mom got this letter from my dad...and...well...you know...it didn't go too good."  
  
I looked at him sadly and nodded. "Oh."  
  
I didn't really know what to say. I didn't know what it was like to only have one parent. My parents had been married for a long time...I felt bad that I didn't know what Teddy was going through. But I could understand how he felt...  
  
He laughed to lighten the mood and cleared his throat. "Yeah, so what did you do?"  
  
I sighed and sat back, closing my notebook. I wasn't able to concentrate, Chris and my fight still fresh in my mind. The look he gave me right before he left...it was pity! I hated that...I didn't need him to pity me. He didn't understand the half of it. Stupid male.  
  
"I didn't answer a question right," I said, scratching my head. "Isn't that fucked up? I got a question wrong, and I get detention."  
  
Teddy shook his head. "Yeah well, what do you expect? It's not like the teachers here are great or anything..."  
  
I nodded. "Teddy...er...do you know who Amanda Bradshaw is?"  
  
Teddy squinted his eyes in thought and leaned back in his chair. "She blonde?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I know her. She went out with Davie Rogers last year. She's really hot, but I hear she's a slut."  
  
I growled and put my head in my hands.  
  
"Why?" he asked.  
  
I shrugged. "Because she is Chris' next victim. She hates me. And Chris doesn't see that."  
  
Teddy chuckled and rubbed his forehead. "Our Chris? That's funny. Two whores together...wonder what they'll be up to..."  
  
I punched him on the shoulder and he yelped in pain. "Hey! What was that for?"  
  
"Chris isn't a whore," I said defensively.  
  
Teddy smirked. "He's pretty damn close. Why, you like him or something?"  
  
"No!" I cried, cursing the blush that crept into my cheeks. "He—he—she's mean to me and now that Chris and her are going to be together, I'll never get away from her!"  
  
Teddy laughed and I punched him harder. "Ow! Stop that Lark...Jesus you can punch. I doubt they'll last that long anyway..."  
  
I sighed and looked at the lock. "I guess you're right. Now shut up—people are starting to stare."  
  
~*~*~  
  
I was stuck without a ride home for the second time that week. It wasn't that cold out and I really didn't mind walking...but I was just too lazy. I threw my bag over my shoulder and squinted in the sun, standing on Castle Rock High's front steps. I sighed...looked like I had no choice.  
  
I was walking down Main Street, just passed all the shops and the square, when I heard a car pull up beside me. I turned to see who it was and frowned when I saw it was none other than Chris and Amanda. I wondered for a moment why they were still driving around at three thirty—how far did Amanda live? But I realized I didn't want to know the answer.  
  
"You need a ride?" Chris asked, rolling down the window. I looked coldly at him, then at Amanda who was busy looking at her nails.  
  
"No."  
  
Chris sighed. "Come on Lark, it'll take you forever to get home. Come on, I'll give you a ride."  
  
I arched an eyebrow at him and continued my walk home. He followed me slowly in his car. "No," I said again, louder this time.  
  
"I'll run you over if you do not get in the car." Chris looked at me and smirked but I didn't look back. I sighed.  
  
"Fine."  
  
I walked around to the passenger side and squeezed in beside Amanda. She didn't acknowledge that I was there and that was fine with me—I just leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. The whole ride there Amanda talked to Chris and I felt sick...he talked to her like he never talked to me. All sweet and polite...with me he talked however he wanted.  
  
Finally we reached Amanda's home and I didn't bother looking at it. I knew it was one of the rich houses, and that would only make me even sicker. I wondered why Amanda even bothered with Chris...she was above him socially. I climbed out of the truck so Amanda could get out and I forced myself to look away when Chris kissed her.  
  
He watched her walk all the way up to her door and then enter her home. I rolled my eyes and fiddled with the radio until I found some good music.  
  
"She's something, isn't she?" Chris asked, as we pulled out of her driveway. I scoffed.  
  
"Oh she's something all right..."  
  
I don't think Chris caught the sarcasm in my voice. "Listen Lark, I'm sorry for earlier...you know, about what I said to you."  
  
I shrugged indifferently and looked out the window. "You meant what you said."  
  
Chris shook his head and I could feel him looking at me. "I didn't mean it...I was just being a prick."  
  
I laughed coldly. "Got that right...and I don't care anymore. I'm getting real used to this apology shit. It's repetitive."  
  
Chris looked at me and I saw the hurt in his eyes, but my heart didn't twinge. He deserved what came to him, that jerk. He hurt me, and this wasn't the first time. More and more as the days flew by, as we got older, he hurt me more and more...and I didn't like it.  
  
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "Usually you don't take what I say seriously."  
  
"I have fucking feelings, Chris!" My face was hot now. "I'm not like Gordie or Teddy or Vern. They are GUYS! I'm a girl! Have you forgotten? I have FEELINGS and I DO take things seriously!"  
  
Chris looked at me. "I just never thought..."  
  
"You NEVER think...do you even care about me, Chris? A little?"  
  
He looked at me sadly. "Lark, I care so much about you. How could you think that?"  
  
"I don't know what to think anymore. I can walk from here...bye." 


	7. Don’t Waste Your Time On Me

I was not accustomed to these feelings. Never before had I thought about one person so much it made me sick—never once had my every thought been occupied by that one smile...I never expected this to happen. Not in a million years...falling in love with your best friend was just not right, it was wrong, stupid, foolish, insane.  
  
But I couldn't help it. The more and more I thought about Chris, the more and more I realized just how much I did love him...and that burning passion was nothing close to platonic. The worst part of it was that we weren't talking—or more like I wasn't talking to him. It had been a week since our fight in his truck, and I was still hurting. I couldn't help it—the words he had said to me, how nothing he had made me feel. That was just it—he made me feel like nothing. And that has to be the worst feeling.  
  
I was lost. I was gone, forever, lost...would I ever come back? No, I wouldn't. I would forever love him, that stupid boy. How different he made me feel—I suddenly became aware of my posture, of the way my hair would go crazy with curls, my makeup-less face, my dirty jeans, my faded T-shirts, falling apart sneakers. When he looked at me, I wanted him to see someone different. I wanted him to see a silky-haired, sweet smelling, glossy girl. But as much as I wanted to change...I couldn't. Chris was my best friend even when I was at my worst—and no matter what I would always be that wacky girl in hand-me-down converse.  
  
But I was lost. Lost, simple as that. I missed looking into his eyes, I missed hearing his voice. And it had only been a week! I would watch him walk down the hallways, hand in hand with Amanda. And I wanted to puke—I wanted to scream, I wanted to run up to him and just cry out how much I loved him. My screams were in vain—I wasn't heard. When was I heard? And then I would cry—let the tears flow. Chris heard me—he listened to me. But now I was only screaming, screaming and never being heard...my tears froze before they fell, I was falling, falling deeper and deeper and soon I would hit rock bottom. And I didn't want that to happen.  
  
* * *  
  
"Lark—please, Lark!"  
  
I fidgeted with my locker and tried to ignore his voice behind me. I knew I was being stupid, ridiculous. He wanted to talk to me! And why wouldn't I talk to him? Because I was immature and had to have the last word. Finally, when I felt him start to walk away and when he sighed—I couldn't put my barriers up anymore. I whirled around and just seeming him standing there, so close to me, I wanted to cry.  
  
"Wait," I muttered, reaching at to his arm. My fingers tingled when my skin grazed his. He looked around and his eyes shown with exhausted happiness.  
  
I looked down at my hands. What was I supposed to say? I felt like a huge ass. I had been so immature.  
  
"Lark." Just having my name whispered from those precious lips made me want to melt up to the heavens. "We should...talk."  
  
I slung my bag over my shoulder and glanced at the clock quickly, then nodded.  
  
He pulled my hand until we entered an empty classroom. He shut the door tenderly and turned to me, his blue hues so sad and exhausted.  
  
"You need to talk to me sooner or later."  
  
I looked at him and I couldn't help myself—my eyes filled with tears. He looked alarmed at this—I never cried. Ever. But I couldn't help it...all the tension all week was building up and my barriers were breaking.  
  
"Chris," I said, starting to shake. "I'm sorry—I'm so sorry! I've been such an idiot...I'm sorry...I—I lo—I'm sorry!"  
  
Chris quickly grabbed my hands and pulled me into a hug. I melted at his touch and wanted to stay like that forever.  
  
"Shhh," he whispered. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk. You deserve to be treated so much more than that. Lark, I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel less...you are the most important person in my life."  
  
I sniffled and looked up at him, tears falling freely down my cheeks. I didn't even bother wiping them away. "R-really? More—more than Amanda?" I know, how inconsiderate, but I couldn't help myself. I blurted it out before I thought about it.  
  
Chris looked at me like I was crazy. He held me back by the shoulders and quirked an eyebrow. "How can you even compare yourself to my girlfriends? Lark, you're my best friend! You'll always be my best friend." He smiled and kissed me on the forehead. "Come on, let's get back to class."  
  
I nodded and grinned despite myself. It felt so much better to be talking to Chris again. As the bell rang and the halls filed with students, he looked at me one last time. "You're my best friend—don't forget that. We'll always be friends."  
  
Now how come I didn't like the sound of that?  
  
He grinned at me then went off to find Amanda. I was left there alone in the hallway with tons of people filing around me...and once again I was alone. Alone, and wishing I was the girl that held his hand.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Gooooooooooooooorrrrrdiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."  
  
"Shh."  
  
"Gorrrrrrrrdooooooooooooooo."  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"Gordon."  
  
"Shut the hell up!"  
  
I giggled as Gordie glared at me while scribbling away on some essay or another. It was funny how he always seemed to be writing—that damn pencil never left his scrawny hands. He sighed and rubbed his temples with his hands, setting down the writing utensil reluctantly and running his hand through his hair, which made it stand up though not nearly as crazy as Chris'.  
  
We were sitting at a corner of the library, just doing homework. Pretty boring, actually. But when it was with Gordie, it couldn't be nearly as boring as usual—you always found some way to smile. That was one of the amazing things about him.  
  
"So...where's Mary Louise anyway?" I asked, abandoning my poorly written English homework, and leaning back in the comfy chair. I always liked the library—it was very relaxing, soothing. Something about it—maybe the dusty smell of books, or maybe the quiet murmur. Whatever it was, it was my weakness and I loved it.  
  
Gordie shrugged distractedly. "I dunno. That girl never stays put."  
  
I arched an eyebrow. "Well, you are supposed to know. You are her boyfriend."  
  
Gordie snorted. "I don't know what I am to her anymore."  
  
I shrugged. "Ah well, you'll—erm—work it out."  
  
I wasn't very good with giving out love advice to people—I myself never having a relationship in my life. How would I know anything? I knew nothing, nada, zip. And it hurt...bad.  
  
Gordie looked at me skeptically and shook his head. "Please. I'm not taking advice from you. You can't even match your outfits and you're sixteen!"  
  
I feigned hurt and swatted him gently. "I do too much!"  
  
"Right," Gordie said, briefly looking me up and down. "Black and green stripes really go with blue jeans."  
  
I laughed. "You're so stupid Gordie. They do go together. But—alas—all guys are colorblind."  
  
He laughed and I noticed that the corners of his eyes crinkled when he laughed. I giggled at this and he smirked. I really did love Gordie—he was like my brother. When I was around him—I didn't care about anything. I was just me—I didn't wish I was someone else. I wish I could have felt that way around Chris.  
  
"So," Gordie began, putting away his paper. "What's up with you and Chris?"  
  
I quirked an eyebrow. "How's that?"  
  
"Well—I mean—I haven't seen you guys talking lately. Something wrong?"  
  
I shrugged. "We're okay I guess. I was really mad at him though. He can be such a dick sometimes!"  
  
Gordie smirked. "Yeah, he can be."  
  
"I mean," I went on. "Some of the things he dares to say to me! I mean, I am still a girl you know! No matter how lazy I may be—I'm still a female and I still have feelings! And he—dammit he just doesn't respect that."  
  
Gordie shrugged. "He cares about you, you know that."  
  
I looked away. "I know he 'cares' about me. I—I just wish...he...you...know...could 'care' a little deeper." I blushed and looked away. I was definitely not used to this, with Gordie no less.  
  
He nodded, understanding. "Ahhh. I see. Well—maybe if you brushed your hair once in a while..."  
  
I kicked him hard under the table. "That's not funny." He laughed.  
  
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Gordie said. "Listen, if Chris can't see how beautiful of a person you are, it's his loss and he is a dick."  
  
I grinned at Gordie somewhat bashfully. "Thanks Gordo."  
  
He shrugged and looked at the clock. "Now come on, I'm starving my ass off and you're annoying me with all this lovey stuff."  
  
~*~*~  
  
I waited patiently on the front steps after school. I was just sitting there—not really waiting for anything. I had already missed my bus and I figured that Chris had already left. I was hoping I was going to get lucky—maybe my mother would realize that I was not at home and she would come and get me.  
  
"Lark?"  
  
I turned around and was surprised to find Chris walking towards me, bag slung over his left shoulder. I grinned. "Hullo."  
  
"What are you still doing here?"  
  
I sighed and looked up into the sky. Chris sat down next to me and my stomach fluttered with butterflies. "I missed my bus."  
  
He laughed. "Again?"  
  
I nodded. "Again." I looked over at him and I grinned. As shallow as Chris may be—he was still my best friend. And he probably always would be. It was one of those things you couldn't help—we had experienced so many things together already that nothing could tear us apart. We may drift apart at times...but we would always have that connection. That fucking special connection that made us best friends...emphasis on friends. It was a fucking blessing and a curse.  
  
"Would you like a ride Lark?" He asked, smirking. I looked over at him.  
  
"It's a nice day out, Chris. Look at the clouds. That one looks like ice- cream."  
  
Chris looked up into the sky and squinted his eyes. "It does."  
  
"And that one—over there—that looks like two people holding hands. They're walking around, and they love each other. That one is the guy. See—he's protecting his love..."  
  
Chris looked over at me and put a hand gently to my head. "Are you feeling okay?"  
  
I snatched his hand away and he snickered. "Shut up. Can't I just pretend for once?"  
  
"Pretend what?"  
  
"That I'm that cloud."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"The one holding his hand." Chris sighed and looked at me, sadly almost. His breath was low and rapturous and his voice was somewhat scratchy. I found myself slowly falling more and more in love with him. But he would never know it. He would never care. I was falling again, falling faster into the darkness.  
  
"Come on, I'll give you a ride home."  
  
He tugged my hand and put an arm around my shoulder—most platonically. 


	8. I Believe in a Thing Called Love

"Lark, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you kept your elbows off the table."  
  
I looked at my mother sitting across the table from me and actually scoffed. She had to be kidding right? That line was always only used in movies—she couldn't be serious. Then again, my mother was like that. Very old-fashioned. The apple-pie baking, home crafter, fresh wine kind of mom. She always wore that cheesy apron you saw on sitcoms and was always baking it seemed, all hours of the night.  
  
"Honey, did you hear me?"  
  
I snapped out of my train of thought and shook my head. "What—oh, yeah sorry."  
  
My mom nodded and smiled. "It's fine dear."  
  
I inwardly rolled my eyes. How come my mother couldn't be normal? It was like she put on this act constantly—the over happy mother. How could she be...so perfectly together all the time? It's not like I wanted parent's like Chris'—but why did she have to be so fake? I wasn't stupid...I'd seen her crying alone in her room some nights, thinking no one was there. Why did she have to be like that? It made me sick—it made me feel so full of flaws.  
  
I looked across the table at Lucy and cringed. She was so perfect compared to me. Lucy had pretty eyes. Life was easier if you were pretty. I would never admit it to anyone, but I envied her so much. I was always the quirk of the family. Dan was good-looking, tall and dark haired. I sighed...the gene pool just didn't work out for me.  
  
My father took a sip of his drink and cleared his throat. I looked at him questionably.  
  
"So, Lark," he began, cutting his steak in half. "How was your day today? Anything new?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, come on," he said, smiling at me. "Anything? Any new—boyfriends?"  
  
Lucy laughed and I glared at her. "Right...Lark have a boyfriend. That'll be the day."  
  
I looked at her angrily and set down my fork. "Oh, and heaven forbid someone was actually attracted me."  
  
Dan laughed from across the table and I kicked him hard in the shins. "Oww!"  
  
I grinned satisfied, but my mother scowled at me. "None of that horse play at the dinner table. I don't want you to upset your stomachs."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I'm finished anyway...may I be excused?"  
  
My father frowned. "Lark, honey, you've barely touched your peas."  
  
I smiled sarcastically. "What a shame. I'm leaving now." I picked up my plate and exited the dining room. Not a second after I left had the room buzzed back with normal conversation. Alas, I was non-existent.  
  
* * *  
  
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In the confines of my bedroom I finally felt safe, isolated from the world around me. And that was the way I liked it best—where no one knew who I was and no one looked upon me and labeled me. I was my own person. And I wished I could be like that my whole life.  
  
I laid down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the faint 'drip drop' of the rain outside the window. It was weird, but I loved the rain for some reason. More so, I loved the smell before the actually rainfall. It was a pure smell, very honest and refreshing. Rain always brought sunlight, a new day, and it washed away all of my inequities. I felt solitude when it rained. A security—my haven. My place.  
  
Unfortunately, I also had a very short attention span. My mind quickly raced onto other things—more like someone. I couldn't help but think about Chris. Why did I always think about him? It annoyed me to no end...but for some reason I wanted to always think about him. I was afraid I would lose him and I would regret every second I didn't think of him. I wanted to love him before it was too late—before I lost him forever, forever into the palm of Amanda Bradshaw's everywhere hands.  
  
Why did I even bother? Why? I didn't understand it. Chris obviously didn't like me in a romantic way—he thought of me as no more than a sister figure. He was evidently very into the Amanda Bradshaw type, very stereotypical. I wondered for a moment why he ever bothered to be my friend. I sighed. It wasn't like I was this hideous beast—in fact, I'm sure if I tried sometimes I would look pretty decent. It's just—I was boring. Boring, boring, boring. There was nothing special about me—no heads turned when I walked down the halls, I didn't have this 'glow' around me like some girls did. I wasn't charismatic. People didn't have this strange desire to know me. I was just another face in the crowd. But I didn't want to me—I didn't care about the appearance part as much as I wanted people to actually love the real me. For people—Chris—to love and care about my mind, who I was as a person, not just as a high school girl who was dubbed a 'geek.'  
  
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just get my act together and run some gel through my hair? Why couldn't I just throw on a skirt, put some blush on . Why? Because I didn't want to...because that wasn't me. And no matter how much I loved Chris, I wasn't going to change the person I was. Even Chris couldn't make me do that.  
  
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even hear the knocking on my door. I was finally forced, however, to take notice when my door burst open and Chris himself came into my room, flopped himself down on my bed, and groaned, deep and long. I didn't care that he was slightly wet—with Chris it didn't matter.  
  
"Er—can I help you?" I asked, when he continued to groan.  
  
"I—I'm tired," he answered, sounding quite out of breath and exhausted.  
  
I turned over on my side and propped my head onto my arm. I looked over at him and he turned his head slightly to face me.  
  
"Why are you tired? Did you run here or something?"  
  
He laughed lightly and continued to pant, thought not as dramatically. "I wanted to see you."  
  
"I'm flattered, really." He smirked and I rolled my eyes. Guys and their egos. He ran a hand through his dampened hair and flecked water droplets onto me.  
  
"Ecchh! Stop it," I demanded, hiding behind my pillow. He laughed and pulled it from me, throwing it on the floor. I sighed and leaned my head back to look at him.  
  
"You know," he began. "You look pretty with your hair down, Lark. Why don't you wear it like that more often?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. I had been bored that day and honestly just too lazy to do anything with it, so I let it down and actually it curled quite nicely, falling passed my shoulders.  
  
"I hate my hair," I grumbled, pushing a stray curl out of my face.  
  
"It's pretty," Chris continued. "It's different than other girls' hair. Everyone's hair is straight." I laughed, mostly to cover up how awkward I felt. It wasn't really anything new—Chris always told me I was pretty when he was in the mood. I never took is seriously before—I always just thought he wanted to sugar me up before pouring his heart out for hours on end about his latest fling. But with these new feelings I had been acquainted with over the past few days, I immediately blushed at his sweet comments.  
  
"You know," I began. "You're sweet when you want to be. Why don't you stop acting like a dick all the time?"  
  
He rolled his eyes and rolled onto his back. "Most girls take compliments well, you know. A simple 'Thanks' would have been nice."  
  
I laughed and sighed. "So..." I said, wanting to change the subject away from me. "Are you and Amanda like a couple now?"  
  
Chris shrugged. "Not really. Turns out she just wanted to use me as a 'trophy boy'. You know, to show me off I guess." I frowned.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. No matter how much I hated Amanda and Chris together, I did care about Chris' happiness, and if that meant being with her, so be it.  
  
He shrugged. "You know, I actually don't care that much. I've realized something—she wasn't that great. Sure she was hot and everything, but she wasn't funny. She wasn't sweet or nice and I couldn't really talk to her about stuff. She just wouldn't listen. I know it's kind of lame. I mean, if she was a little bit more compatible I would have stayed with her, you know, just because she was hot. But after awhile, it got annoying."  
  
I rubbed my head in frustration. "Chris my dear, how long have I been telling you this? You don't go for looks alone! Looks fade—personality doesn't."  
  
He shrugged. "I know, I know..."  
  
I laughed and turned over on my back also. We both laid there on my bed, staring at my ceiling. It was nice—quiet, peaceful. Sure, the fact that we were both in my bed was a plus, but still.  
  
I wanted to tell him how I felt—right then. It seemed like the right time. I wanted to pour my heart out to him, I could feel it screaming to get out. I was screaming now, myself, wanting to just hold him, feel his touch. I wanted to know what it would be like to have his lips upon mine—his body graze mine. I would probably never know—but I wanted to know. I really did, it was all I wanted. I wanted him to look at me and think I was the one for him, the one who could brighten up his day with a single smile. Because I knew he was my smile in the day.  
  
"Chris?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me and knit his eyebrows together.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"What do you think of me?"  
  
"What d'you mean?"  
  
"Like...what do you think of me...as a girl."  
  
Chris scratched his head and sighed. "Hm...well I think you're funny. And you're fun to be with. And I can tell you just about anything without feeling stupid."  
  
I sighed. "I know all that...but...what do you think of me as a girl?"  
  
"Ohhh...er...I don't know. You're my best friend..."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "That's it then? Best friend?"  
  
"What—you're my best friend!"  
  
I rolled my eyes and sat up. "I know that dumbass. But I mean—like—do you think a guy could ever like me?"  
  
Chris grinned. "Sure. It's just—well...you're amazing Lark. It's just..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well...the guys just think of you as their sister," he said, somewhat tentatively. "They all think you're really boss."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I don't want to be 'boss!' Chris, something's wrong with me, there's something wrong with me, isn't there? Am I really that ugly that I can't even have a boyfriend?"  
  
Chris laughed. "No, there's nothing wrong with you. You're very pretty."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
Chris nodded. "Sure. You have nice eyes."  
  
"You think my eyes are nice?"  
  
Chris smirked. "Yeah...their cute." I grinned.  
  
"Yay!" He laughed and I laughed...but secretly, inside, I could have died and been okay with it. I knew better than to take it seriously—he was just being the best friend.  
  
But as I turned my head and went back to staring at my ceiling...I didn't see Chris looking at me with a new light in his eyes.  
  
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[Okay, the ending of that chapter is NOT meant to be clichéd. Chris does NOT suddenly fall in love with Lark, that'd be too unreal. It's merely foreshadowing. It's saying that maybe Chris is finally taking notice that Lark is a young blossoming woman—it's merely natural. Honestly, they're teenagers for Pete's sake, they have HORMONES. So don't worry—it's not clichéd in that manner. I know I've said that this story won't be clichéd, however, it IS a romance. I take after Lark, and I'm expressing the way I feel through this story. I mainly wrote this because I wanted the 'best friend', the shadowed character, the person who isn't beautiful to have some love. It's not fair that we live in a stereotypical world where looks is everything. I really wish we didn't, but that's life. So while this story IS going to stay true to the real world, it will also be uplifting, hopeful and it will let everyone who reads this know that love truly is blind, and everyone has someone out there for them. And personality is MUCH more important than looks!!] 


	9. He’s a Little Shy

"Hi, is Mary there?"  
  
Mr. Barker, Mary Louise's father, grinned at me when he opened the door. I usually didn't visit Mary Louise, but she was probably my only girl friend. I grinned back at Mr. Barker and he beckoned me forward.  
  
"Lark! What a pleasant surprise—haven't seen you for awhile," he closed the door behind us and I was greeted with the warmth of the Barker residence. "Mary Louise should be around her somewhere—er—Mary Louise!"  
  
I heard scurrying upstairs and no more than a few seconds later Mary Louise came rushing down the stairs and smiled when she saw me. Her blonde hair was tied loosely behind her and she was wearing her blouse and skirt from school that day.  
  
"Lark! Hey...what are you doing here?" Mr. Barker left and went into the kitchen and I followed Mary back up the stairs to her bedroom. I loved her house—it always smelled nice. But it wasn't like mine—it was so...calm. My house was always hectic, my sisters and brother constantly running around. Mary's life was...normal. She didn't need to worry about boys liking her—she had Gordie. And Mary Louise was pretty, with her freckles dusted around her small nose. Mary wasn't bothered with siblings...she was an only child. She got along with her parents and was basically happy. I was jealous of the security she had.  
  
I sighed and plopped onto her bed, my hair falling around her pillows. "I have a problem." Mary sat atop her desk and flipped through a magazine.  
  
"And...what kind of problem is this?"  
  
I looked around her bedroom. It was girly and pink, and it quite frankly; it was annoying. Her bed was all frilly and she had this vanity with all make-up and perfume on it. It smelled really sweet and it was actually tinkling my nose—I felt like I needed to sneeze.  
  
"Er...guy problems."  
  
Mary Louise laughed. It wasn't a mocking laugh—more like a friendly tease laugh. "I can't believe you just said that...Lark O'Reilly actually has guy problems?"  
  
I frowned. "And what is so wrong about that?"  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing...nothing at all. I'm just happy you're coming to me. Anyway...what's your situation?"  
  
I sighed and sat up on her bed and looked around. "I like this guy."  
  
"You like this guy..."  
  
"But he doesn't like me THAT way...he likes me as a friend."  
  
"He likes you as a friend..."  
  
"And I have no idea what to do or how he can see me as more than just one of the guys," I finished.  
  
"He likes you as a guy..."  
  
I cried out in frustration and hit her with her pillow. "Would you stop doing that? It's incredibly annoying...I need advice. What can I do?"  
  
Mary shrugged. "I don't know. If he doesn't like you that way, he doesn't like you that way. You can't change that. Get over him and move on."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "It's hard. And that's not the answer I wanted to hear...I'd prefer it if you would have lied to me and say that we were meant to be...would have made this so much easier."  
  
Mary Louise laughed and folded her hands on her lap. "You have much to learn young grasshopper. Life doesn't work out that way sweets. If the guy doesn't like you, chances are even if you changed, he still won't like you. Now, I'm not saying that this guy will never like you. He might just not feel that way right now...who knows? He may be wooed by your undying love for him. It might take time for feelings to evolve."  
  
I grumbled and rubbed my head. "This is a lot to remember. How do I start this 'wooing?'"  
  
"Well..." Mary hopped off of her desk and came sat across from me on her bed. I turned to face her and sat Indian style. "Did you tell him how you felt?"  
  
"Er..."  
  
Mary rolled her eyes. "You've got to tell this guy how you feel!"  
  
I frowned and crossed my arms in stubbornness. "I did! Sort of...I hinted at it."  
  
Mary Louise laughed and threw her hands in the air. "That's not good enough! You have to be very blunt about it—you have to tell him straight out."  
  
I sighed. "It's not that easy. I can't—it's different with Chr—this guy. Very different."  
  
Mary Louise squinted her eyes suspiciously. "Who is this guy anyway?"  
  
I shook my head. "Noooo—uh-uh. Not telling."  
  
"Oh come on!" Mary begged. "Please! I gave you all that advice crap—the least you could do is tell me who the lucky bugger is."  
  
I sighed. "It's—er—it's..."  
  
But I never got a chance to tell Mary Louise who my guy was—at least I didn't get to tell her myself. Because just when I had enough courage to utter his name, her door burst open and in came Gordie looking all moody and shit. I looked at him angrily and he raised his eyebrows at me.  
  
"Whoa Lark, pissed about something?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. Mary Louise, however, smiled at Gordie. "Hello there sweetheart," she said, laughing. "Lark was just about to tell me who her mystery man was."  
  
Gordie arched an eyebrow and came over to kiss Mary Louise. "Chris? She's like in love with the kid..."  
  
I shoved Gordie and he stumbled backwards. "So much for not saying anything asshole!"  
  
His eye's widened. "Oops..."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, thanks for your...erm...advice Mary. I'll see you later." I grabbed my jacket and quickly existed the room—as if I wasn't embarrassed enough I tripped on the way out.  
  
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On my way home, the cool wind whipped my face and I smiled. Friday afternoon was probably my most favorite time to be ever. School was done for the week, I was free from all the pressures of academics, I could just breathe for once. And I loved to be outside—it was so beautiful out there, the sky showing above me. I actually stopped walking on the sidewalk and just looked up into the vacant blue sky, and sighed.  
  
"Lark—er—are you okay?"  
  
I didn't need to look at the person to figure out it was Chris. I sighed and kept looking at the sky. Why did he always find me in the most random places? I didn't want to face him—I didn't want to look at him. I didn't feel like being reminded of something I couldn't have and wanted so badly, so I kept looking in the sky. This was the second time in a few days Chris had been with me while I looked at the sky and I wondered if it was an omen of some sort.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
I felt Chris move beside me and his face tilt up towards the sky. "What's with you and the sky?"  
  
I finally looked at him and I was literally blown away. He was watching the sky, his fiery sapphire hues sparkling, his miraculous disheveled hair going about in all directions. He had his hands in his pockets and I couldn't help but feel slightly light headed.  
  
"I...um..." I trailed off. I didn't seem to be able to talk. Chris turned his head toward me and grinned.  
  
"Right...anyways I was just heading over to find you," he said. "What are you doing tonight?"  
  
We began to walk down the street and I sighed. "I don't know. What about you?"  
  
Chris shrugged looked over at me. I could feel my heart starting to pound and the color rise in my cheeks. It didn't help that it was becoming more and more cold out and my hair was flying around in the wind and my teeth began to chatter.  
  
"I'm starving, want to go over to the diner for a bite to eat?" I should have known...Chris Chambers was always hungry. I swear, I honestly didn't know where he put it all...he was tall and lanky, yet the only other thing more important than girls to him was food.  
  
"Okay," I said. I glanced at my watch. "It's still early. Let's walk."  
  
Chris whined. "Let's take my truck...come on." I shook my head.  
  
"Chris, it's such a pretty day out." I looked at the sky again. "It's really nice. It'll be good exercise."  
  
Chris finally let out a low sigh and shrugged. "Fine, you win."  
  
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The diner was actually extremely packed, to my surprise. I figured the teens of Castle Rock had better things to do on Friday nights, but nope...It was packed to every single corner with chattering teens. Chris and I made our way into a booth by the window and I slid in opposite of him. He picked up a menu and began examining it. I looked around the diner. I noticed quite a few girls throwing surreptitious glances our way...looking at me angrily and whispering. I rolled my eyes—I was used to it by now. After awhile, it got annoying. I always wondered why the girls didn't mind Chris' reputation—suppose he had to be that good. Shame I would never find out...  
  
I played with the corner of my napkin and sighed. It would probably never end...I would just always be known as the girl who Chris always hung around with...the aforementioned best friend. The girl who was just always there.  
  
"So," Chris said, after we had given the waitress our order. "Where were you coming from when I bumped into you?"  
  
"I was on my way home from Mary Louise's," I said, taking a sip of my pop. "I needed to talk to her."  
  
Chris raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Girl talk, eh?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and he laughed. I couldn't help but grin—I loved when he laughed. It made me want to make him laugh always. Chris' laughter was so rare, so tainted, and so special it was something only few heard, but still it was so precious. I may have been over the top, but what could I do? I was 'in love.'  
  
"I guess you can call it that," I said. "I needed her advice."  
  
"About what?"  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "Aren't we the nosy one?" Chris shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Just curious."  
  
I nodded. "Ahh, I see. I needed advice...on...erm...boys."  
  
Now as soon as I said this I expected Chris to laugh at me. But I was surprised when he just raised his eyebrows and laid his arms on the table. "Really?"  
  
I stared at him momentarily because I was certain he would tease me...but he didn't. He actually looked interested, mildly disturbed even. I must have hit a nerve. Sure, I knew what it felt like to have your best friend suddenly become interested in the opposite sex. It'd happened to me long before...but I suppose it was new to Chris, with me that is. Gordie and the others were all into girls a long time ago, but with me and Chris it was different. I suppose Chris felt that I was his or something, like he had that special bond with me. But, as the story goes, all things do come to an end.  
  
"Really," I said finally, wanting desperately to change the subject. I was sorry I had even brought it up. I felt stupid—it's not like I actually had a situation. It was just me having a hopeless crush on my best friend—very typical in many ways.  
  
"What kind of boy advice did you need? Do you have a boyfriend? Is someone using you? Is he a punk? Do you need me to beat him up?"  
  
These questions came so fast out of Chris' mouth and the look of panic that went across his face made me the one who burst out laughing. I couldn't help it—I expected the exact opposite reaction. I expected Chris to not take me seriously at all like he so often did. He was changing, and I felt hopeless.  
  
"Chris, calm down," I said, after my laughter had died down some. His face softened a little but he also blushed and I couldn't help but grin. I thought it was cute when he blushed, I was always the one blushing. "I don't have a boyfriend, you should know that by now, as you were so kind to point that out not too long ago..."  
  
A guilty look crossed his face and I smirked. "Again," I started. "It's nothing. I just—well—it's nothing."  
  
"It has to be something if you needed advice!" Chris said. He seemed really disturbed with this whole conversation. I had to admit, it was awkward. Chris and I never talked about my romantic life—it was always his girl troubles. It was odd and honestly it didn't feel right.  
  
"Well basically it's just that I like this guy and he doesn't like me in the same way," I said simply. I wasn't going to tell Chris that I liked him, that was just stupid. But I figured I could hint at it—what could is say, I was bored.  
  
"Who is it?" Chris immediately pressed curiosity evident on his face.  
  
"You know Chris," I said, taking a long sip of my drink. "Curiosity killed the cat." Chris rolled his eyes.  
  
"Come on, who is it? Do I know him?"  
  
"Better than you think you do..."  
  
Chris narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously. "Is it one of the guys? Don't let it be Vern—please."  
  
I laughed. "It's not one of the guys. Not those three anyway." Chris didn't catch on and I was happy. This was getting fun. I knew I wasn't going to tell Chris, I couldn't, he wouldn't feel the same way. But it was nice to talk about guys openly for once...though very strange with the object of my affection.  
  
"I have no idea..."  
  
I shrugged. "Forget it—it's stupid anyway."  
  
Chris looked at me. "Why is it stupid?"  
  
I looked down for a moment then back up. "Well, it's pointless. No guys think of me in 'that way'. You of all people should know that."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow. "Oh, and why is that?"  
  
I should have kept my mouth shut—I immediately regretted this topic of conversation. I searched for something else to talk about, something easier and light but my train of thought never got too far. A girl with long, black hair and shocking blue eyes came walking up to us. She grinned at Chris and Chris smiled back, though by the look in his eyes it looked like he wished she would go away.  
  
"Chris! What are you doing here?" the girl asked, smiling happily. Her face was pale, contrasting lovely with her hair which had a bluish tint to the natural black. She was absolutely stunning to say the least.  
  
"I'm eating."  
  
The girl didn't seem to sense the curtness of his voice, and she looked quickly at me.  
  
"Oh! And who's this?" She smiled a very sugar-coated smile and I tried my best to grin politely, though it was very hard.  
  
"This is Lark O'Reilly," Chris said, smiling at me and looked back to the girl.  
  
The girl waited for Chris to introduce her, but when he showed no intention of that whatsoever, her lips formed a tight line.  
  
"Well...how nice to meet you. Er—Chris, I just wanted to say hello. And that...well...maybe later you could call me?" The girl sounded pathetically hopeful and I tried hard not to laugh. I thought it funny how girls begged Chris to call them and acted like it was this huge deal, when I talked to the guy on the phone a few times a day.  
  
Chris shrugged and smirked. "Sure. See you around Samantha."  
  
"Sarah," the girl said through gritted teeth. I was amazed at how she could keep a smile for so long. She turned on her heel and walked quickly away, back to the crowd of the night.  
  
Chris turned back to me as if nothing had happened. "I wonder where our food is?"  
  
"Who was that?" I asked, not caring where our food was.  
  
"Who? Oh—Samantha?" Chris asked distractedly, looking around for the waitress. "Just some girl I fucked at this party last year..." he stopped mid- sentence when he saw the look on my face. It wasn't a look of disgust; I was looking at him with sadness. The look on his face slowly changed and he turned red and looked down.  
  
"S-sorry," he mumbled. I continued to look at him sadly.  
  
"Chris, you know, you don't have to get with all these girls all the time," I said slowly. "You're worth so much more than that. You deserve to be loved for who you are..."  
  
Chris looked very uncomfortable and a bit startled. He looked up to me with the most heartbroken eyes I had ever seen.  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
I looked at him and tried my best to keep my cool, even though inside I was falling deeper and deeper.  
  
"Because it's true. There's someone out there who loves you for you, and you don't see it."  
  
Chris looked at me and I quickly looked away. I hoped he hadn't understand the true meaning of those words, and I was glad when our food finally arrived. It had been one strange night.  
  
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Thanks guys for all the feedback! I appreciate it greatly! I know I've been updating a lot lately—this is the third chapter in one day. It's just that sometimes I get this ideas and I just go with it. I do have a life, I don't sit here all day, though there's nothing wrong with that. It's just some days I have nothing to do. It's been crazy hectic with play practice this week and homework and life and the dance and all that good stuff. So I'm glad I get all these chapters uploaded. Shout-outs in the next chapter! Keep reviewing! :) Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl 


	10. Hm, a Soliloquy of my own

I always wondered what it would be like to have someone to love and be loved in return. I'd watch Gordie and Mary Louise walk down the hallways hand in hand, smiling at one another, kiss each other sweetly right before parting. Even goofing off and being able to have that security that there is always someone there that makes you happy. I always wondered these things...but I had never experienced them. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Was there something wrong with me? Did I miss a memo of some sort? The questions ate me from the inside out, haunted my dreamless sleep, and made me tired and angry and confused.  
  
I was afraid, flat out afraid. I didn't need a guy to make me happy; I didn't want to be dependent on anyone but myself. I always thought that a guy should compliment you, not complete you. It was my way of living...then again that was somewhat easy to convince myself in that perspective. No guy had even wanted anything more from me than friendship or the confider. I was seriously starting to wonder about things and I often compared myself to other girls. Even the hideous girls in my school who never bathed and seemed to find love. Would I ever know what it felt like to hold a boy's hand or have him kiss me on my lips?  
  
I suppose they thought I was somewhat like a guy, because I didn't dress like a girl. I thought about it in this perspective: Would I want a guy that dressed pretty and wore makeup? No. So then I supposed guys didn't want girls who wore jeans and T-shirts, no make up and their hair tied back. Maybe when they looked at me they saw more guy than girl. And that really did scare me.  
  
Maybe if I tried dressing different, or talking softer. What if I painted my nails pretty pink instead of rock blue? What if I wore flower earrings instead of studded black things I found in my mom's old dresser? Maybe if I glossed my lips or wore high-heels and a skirt I would attract attention. I tried these things when no one was home...I found that the inflated cup bra was itchy and the high heels hurt my toes. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't me.  
  
So...would anyone ever love me for me? Was I not good enough for anyone? I always thought that everyone had at least someone out there who loved them...beauty was in the eye of the beholder. I suppose I was wrong. Studying my face closely, I determined I wasn't so bad. My eyes could do with some shadow and my cheeks would look thinner with some blush...but other than that I was okay looking. I didn't really mind my body. My shoulders were broad, which I learned to like. They curved somewhat nicely. I started to notice in the sixth grade that my hips curved outward...more so than other girls' hips, to my dismay. My waist was wide, but it wasn't fat. To my surprise, my stomach wasn't all that bad, save for when I ate a lot, and then it puffed out more. But when I would wake up in the morning it was flat and I wished I could keep it like that forever.  
  
My legs were probably my favorite part about me. They weren't extra long, but they were shapely and feminine. I would look at them in the mirror and wish I had enough nerve to wear a skirt with high-heels. I bet Chris would notice me then...I liked how my thighs didn't wrinkle like other girl's thighs...my mom called it cellulite. She said it didn't run in our family and that I was very lucky. I didn't really know what she meant, but when I saw the pinched fat of other girls' legs, I was happy with my own. Though no one ever got to see the fat-less legs, I enjoyed dressing up at home.  
  
At home...that's when I'd let my hair down and wear makeup. No one could laugh at me when I was alone in my room...I would put a ribbon in my hair and add rouge to my lips and I would feel pretty. Oh so pretty. (sorry, I couldn't help myself...Westside story syndrome.) But I wouldn't dare go out in public like that. No. People would laugh, point, think I was a poser. I even felt much more comfortable in my sneakers and jeans. It was just nice for a change once in a while, you know?  
  
A change...that's what I needed. Only thing was...I couldn't change. I was me. And I feared I would never stop being me.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"Chris?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Er...how old were you when you...erm...got your first kiss?"  
  
Chris looked up at me and smiled lazily, his eyes full of laughter and amusement. It wasn't ridiculing laughter, more like playful interested laughter. I, on the other hand, was burning from the inside out, my face the color of crimson. I didn't know what possessed me to ask that question, but my curiosity got the best of me. It may have been random, but it was just an innocent question.  
  
"Let's see," Chris said, stroking his chin in mock concentration. He switched the basketball perched in his left arm to his right arm, and tapped his foot on the asphalt court lightly. "It was at Olivia Benvolio's fourteenth birthday party. During spin the bottle. So I must've been thirteen or fourteen. Yeah, sounds about right."  
  
I rolled my eyes and took the ball quickly from his hands, dribbled up the court in the old park, and shot. I missed of course, but I let the ball bounce passed the swings and watched it go.  
  
"That doesn't count," I said, not bothering to get the ball. I walked back over to him and stood in front of him. I crossed my arms—my way of feeling comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. "I mean...when was your first real kiss? Like, with someone you liked and it was special?"  
  
Chris walked over to where the ball lay, picked it up and cradled it in his arms. He walked over towards me and stood directly in front of me, way surpassing my zone of personal space. I immediately backed up a few paces, and Chris smirked at this. I blushed a deep red and cursed my pale skin.  
  
"Michelle Gordon," Chris said, smiling distantly and reminiscently. "You remember her? I loved her so much...that was back in sophomore year. Yeah, that sounds about right. She was like my first real girl friend, remember?"  
  
I looked back at him. "I remember. You two were inseparable."  
  
Chris nodded. "Yeah. She was my first real kiss. It was in her backyard, on her swings."  
  
I nodded and took the ball gingerly from his arms. I didn't know why I really brought the subject up, but I was immediately regretting it. I didn't know why I put myself in these uncomfortable situations. I was just setting myself up for heartbreak.  
  
"When was your first kiss?"  
  
The question rang through my ears and Chris looked at me curiously. I immediately began to fidget—always when I was about to lie. What was I going to say? That I was still a prude? I had never really kissed a guy before...never. I felt suddenly immature, like in my youth and Chris was my elder. What was I going to say? I was afraid, embarrassed, all of the above...but I wasn't going to tell the truth. I couldn't look like a fool.  
  
"Uh—um..." Stop stuttering you fool! "Er...right, so who's winning this game anyway?" I changed the subject for better lack of words. Chris smirked and took the ball out of my arms and began to dribble, though I knew he could see right through me. He always could see everything I was thinking...I hated and loved it at the same time.  
  
"You are. For once," he muttered, shooting the ball and scoring it through the hoop. I grimaced. He really did have a natural talent for basketball, and it unnerved me. How could he perfect so many things, while I could barely stand up straight?  
  
I took the ball from his strong hands and positioned myself to shoot. "You know," I said, arching an eyebrow as the ball traveled from the palm of my hand into the beat-up net. "Isn't funny how the greatest writers of all time, such as Shakespeare and Charles Dickens, write these amazing love stories, yet their own lives were fucked up. I never got that."  
  
Chris shrugged his lanky shoulders and held the ball under his arm. "I never really thought about it that way...hm...I guess you're right. I guess they only know how they would want it, they dream about the perfections of love, yet they don't experience it."  
  
The irony of this conversation actually made me laugh out loud. Chris raised his eyebrows. "What?"  
  
I giggled and shook my head. "Nothing. Er—it's kind of getting late."  
  
The sun was beginning to set and the cool air began to make me cold. I looked at Chris—Saturday nights we always played basketball at this old court, it was a tradition since we were twelve. No matter what, basketball on Saturday night. Sure, Chris missed a few nights, dates and so forth, but overall it was something I would never forget about my adolescence.  
  
Chris checked his watch. "It's still pretty early. What do you feel up to doing?"  
  
I shrugged—I was broke, so going out was out of the question. "Want to come back to my house? My mom just bought new ice-cream and cookies."  
  
Chris laughed. "I'm there."  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
"I'm bored."  
  
Chris looked at me with a quirked eyebrow as I lay on my bed, fiddling with the end of my spoon. Chris and I had officially eaten the most ice-cream in the world. Or so it felt like it, I felt like I was about to explode. Chris popped a cookie into his mouth and sat on my desk. Just looking at him sitting there like that momentarily took my breath away. I had trouble breathing and it wasn't anything to do with the fact I had guzzled down a row of chocolate chip cookies. He was so beautiful, so perfect that I felt like the luckiest person in the world to have him in the same room as me.  
  
"And what do you propose I do about it?" Chris said, looking through a few of my record collections. I sighed.  
  
"Talk to me. Do something—this is so much more boring than having you beat me at basketball."  
  
Chris laughed and abandoned my records. He leaned his head against my bureau and put his hands in his pockets. "It's better than being at my place. Anything is."  
  
I didn't know what to say so I chose to say nothing. I looked out of my window at the dark sky and wondered for a moment if there was someone far away looking at the same sky as me. Maybe I was wrong all along—maybe I wasn't in love with Chris. Maybe I was just in love with the idea of Chris. The idea of having someone like Chris. Chris might never love me the way I love him—that was just something I had to deal with. I wondered if there was someone out there for me, who would love me for me and not the size of my bra.  
  
But then why when he looked into my eyes did I feel so complete—like there was magic in those eyes, a magic that would be with me always. Why did he give me butterflies? Why did I get sudden urges to touch him, to kiss him? Was it truly love—or was it a stupid teenage girl infatuation?  
  
"If you do not stop staring at me I will bite you," Chris said. I smirked and blinked a few times, then sat up on my bed.  
  
"Why are you friends with me Chris?" I asked. Chris shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Because I feel bad for you."  
  
I hit him with my pillow and he laughed. "Kidding, kidding. I don't know—I just am. I always have been. Because you're funny and kind and deep down you really care about everyone else besides yourself." He smirked and I glared at him, but slightly touched by his words.  
  
"I'm sorry I've been bitchy to you lately," I said as he came over and sat next to me. "I've had a lot on my mind and it's annoying."  
  
Chris shrugged. "You're always bitchy, so it doesn't matter." I frowned and he pushed me gently as he grabbed a deck of cards from my side table. "And stop frowning—I like when you smile."  
  
I immediately smiled.  
  
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =  
  
Okay, I'm so, so, so sorry that was such a dud of a chapter! It took me almost a whole entire week to write, mainly due to my lack of time! I have been SO incredibly busy. I haven't been leaving school until 10 at night because of play practice, and the show just opened yesterday (Friday) so it's been crazy. I have another performance tonight, so I was writing this in a bit of a rush. Anywho, here's to some shout-outs.  
  
StormShadow21: Heylo there! I'm so glad you like this story...I love how you just rant and rant in your reviews! It's so funny and lengthy reviews are so cool! I wish I could write such long reviews, but I'm not a girl of many words, I tend to say what I want, how I want in a few words, you know? It's annoying, really, to me, but here's to trying to match your length!! I think we should get an award for how many synonyms we can come up with for 'Flyaway hair'...that is so funny. River Phoenix is so beautiful and his hair is his greatest asset! How can someone just not LOVE it? It's perfect, sexy, yum. Yes, there I go again with my simple words. But hey, I'm trying to make this as long as I can lol. I can't wait until we start to co-write. I'm really in love with DOGFIGHT and the plotline; it's very original and unique. So as soon as I find the time, I'll email you with a bunch of ideas and whatnot, and as soon as you find time we can start outlining/writing the story! It should be fun. I've never co-written anything, though I have read some. My favorite had to be 'And Then There Was You' by ShortStack and FishFace. It's a newsies story, and it's so bloody good. Okay anyways...I hope you liked this chapter even though it was rather dingy. I'm just so exhausted from never being home and always on the run, it's beginning to get to me you know? And I still need to find time for my homework...anyway continue to review and don't forget to update Christine Sixteen!  
  
SleepIsFun: I'm glad you can relate to this story! Well, sort of, I mean it is a bit sad this whole story. I can relate to it too, unfortunately, and it's depressing. But it's nice to write it out, showing how true it is. It's a pain I have to agree with you when you start to like your 'best friend.' Lol...it sucks, but it does happen. Anyways! Thanks for another review—I'm hoping this story will touch people who can relate. At least that's what I'm aiming for!  
  
Also thanks to Sophie, beautyqueen321, CiCi, Danihum, To Lazy To Log In, BridgetLynn, and lostgirl. Thanks to anyone else who reviewed, I think I got all of ya!! 


	11. I Wish I could tell you

"You want to know what I was just thinking."  
  
"No, not really..."  
  
"I was just thinking about the rain. Look at it...it just keeps falling. It's so beautiful."  
  
Chris looked at me like I was insane and turned his algebra homework over. Pencil marks abhorred his fingers and his eyes were tired and unfocused. Somehow, his hair was standing even more on end than usual, and dark bags were slowly forming underneath his eyes. We both had been working for hours on our homework after school that day, and neither one of us was anywhere close to being finished. The sun was nowhere in sight—the sky was a dark, swirling storm. Rain pelted my house making the windows extremely annoying and I had to fight to get up and yell at them.  
  
"Stop stalling," Chris said, sighing, and looking at me tiredly. "We have got to finish this. I don't know what our teachers were thinking, giving us all this homework in just one night."  
  
I shrugged and looked resentfully down at my own poorly done homework. I was never one for much homework—I tired of it easily. I suppose it was because of the fact that my attention span was about the size of a goldfish's brain; therefore I could barely contain myself while doing laborious homework that meant nothing to me. I often did try and stall, changing the subject or just taking a break. Chris, however, liked to get it all done in one shot, which was probably the smart way to do things, but I just couldn't take it for long.  
  
"I mean," Chris went on, looking distastefully at his paper which was smudged with pencil markings. "Did they mean to do this to us? Did they mean for all of them to give us this much homework on the same night? They don't give us one damn assignment all week, and then this."  
  
I put my pencil down cautiously and raised an eyebrow in Chris' direction. He looked so tired that I immediately wanted to lay him down to sleep and have him rest his eyes. That was the thing with Chris—you always wanted to make sure he was safe and okay, mainly because he was the one that always took care of you. Whenever I would scrape my elbow or knee as a kid, Chris was the first one to come over with a Band-Aid and clean me up. Whenever I fell sick with a fever, he would come over with soup and make sure I was okay. It was just the way he was—making sure everyone was safe and happy while he was going quietly crazy.  
  
I wanted to help him this time—no matter how small my action may be compared to his. I felt like I could never give back what Chris had given to me...it was a guilty feeling, but at the same time reassuring and made me so incredibly thankful that I had a friend as wonderful and beautiful as Chris Chambers.  
  
"Would you like to take a break?" I asked, pushing away my books. "I'm bored and you look horrible."  
  
Chris rolled his eyes but it looked like that effort cost him some strength. For a moment, I wondered if something had happened to make him so incredibly tired—it wasn't normal. I was tired too, but not physically tired as Chris was. He looked like nothing more than skin and bones, like he hadn't eaten for weeks. His skin wasn't a normal color and his lips were dried out. Why hadn't I noticed these things before? What if his father wasn't allowing him to eat at him? Did something happen? What was wrong? Why was he so tired? I immediately began to panic, but I kept my calm for Chris' sake. He didn't need me pestering him...though I was alarmed.  
  
"Are you okay Chris," I asked, trying as best I could to keep a steady voice. I was being to fall apart. "Why are you so tired?"  
  
Chris looked at me indifferently and placed his pencil down. He rubbed his head with his hands and sat back in his chair. I noticed as he rubbed his eyes that he had a new bruise on his right wrist. Chris' flannel shirt was rolled up to the elbows, so the mark was quite clear. My eyes widened and I was sure the look of fright and concern was evident on my face.  
  
"Chris, what happened?" I demanded. I moved to look closer, but he snatched his arm away and hid it quickly underneath of the table. "Chris! What happened? You're not telling me something! Why—are—you—so—tired?" I made sure to let him know that I was worried and the seriousness of the matter. His eyes quickly grew full of shame and I leaned in closer to him. He was like a little boy now, trying to hide the trouble that haunted him—all the pain that tortured him everyday.  
  
"Nothing...just...my..." He broke off, waving a hand in the air dismissively. "It's nothing, just a little bruise. I—er—bumped into the table."  
  
I shook my head and stood up to go around the side of the table where Chris sat. He immediately leaned back in the chair away from me, trying to hide his injury.  
  
"Chris, let me see it!" I said, now becoming angry. How could Chris try and keep something like this from me? I was his best friend—I should know these things...why would he want to keep this from me? This was serious—his father always beat him, I knew that, but when something was so plain in front of my face I felt horrible letting it pass. Why couldn't Chris see that?  
  
"No, Lark, it's nothing," Chris muttered, sighing and closing his eyes again. "Please? Just leave it, alright? Come on it's nothing...you know it happens all the time."  
  
Chris wouldn't look me in the eyes. He knew if he saw the hurt in my eyes he would melt and have to explain it to me...but I wouldn't let this be the end of it. I was no longer sad, but angry...furiously angry. How could anyone ever even dream of hurting Chris? I began to become hot, my body red with anger, blood boiling. If I could, I would do anything to take away all of his pain and take it myself. I would rather die a hundred painful deaths than have Chris harmed in anyway—I suppose that was how much I loved him. I would die for him, no questions asked, if he ever needed anything, I would do all that I could. I wished I could be the one getting hurt so Chris could live in security...  
  
"Chris...please?" I asked, one more time. Chris shook his head and looked away. I sighed, finally giving up...though knowing this wasn't the last time I would try and pry the answers out of him. He deserved help, he needed help...I couldn't let this go for so long. I felt horrible as it was, but this was just plain torture. "Want a pop?" I managed to ask, trying to get back into my normal mode.  
  
"Sure."  
  
I quickly left Chris for the kitchen, glancing over my shoulder to see him looking out the window with—was it longing?—in his eyes.  
  
~~~  
  
I returned two minutes later with bottles of pop for us. The cold glass of the surface tingled my fingers and somehow calmed my nerves. I would try and help Chris later...right now he obviously wasn't cooperating. Sooner or later, though, he would have to take my help. He couldn't be the one helping everyone forever.  
  
"Chris," I said, sitting back down and letting the silence engulf us for several minutes. Chris took a sip of his drink and looked at me, almost pleading with his eyes to not bring up the subject of his bruises anymore. "Look at the rain. Look how beautiful it is."  
  
Chris turned to look out of the glass patio door and shrugged. "It's just falling water droplets, Lark. It's not very pretty—it's gray and dull."  
  
I glared at him and took another sip from my drink. It seemed with every drink that I took I felt more relaxed...the images of Chris getting beat by his drunken father were slowly drifting away from my mind. My mood was becoming lighter and the guilt in my stomach temporarily subsided. The coolness of the beverage intoxicated me in a way, making me feel at ease. The soft rain drumming a steady rhythm against the windows calmed me, as if reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. I was content for the moment.  
  
"It's beautiful and amazing," I said hotly. "How you can not appreciate it, I have no idea. Don't you ever just stop to appreciate things, Chris? Things that are right in front of you and you take for granted everyday?"  
  
Chris looked thoughtful for a moment, and then glanced at the rain, then back to me. "If it's there everyday, and I take it for granted, what's the point of appreciating it? It's always going to be there...what's the point?"  
  
I couldn't believe my ears. "You know, that is something you would say! How can you possibly say that? Chris, look at the rain. Look at how beautiful it is...just falling, falling, falling, and nothing can stop it. Thousands, millions, of little water droplets joined together to form a handsome sheet of glitter that makes the earth go round."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow. "Lark, it's just the rain."  
  
"Without rain, everything would end! You know, one of these days one of those things you take for granted everyday won't be there anymore...and you'll be sorry you didn't listen to me."  
  
Chris shrugged and swigged down the rest of his pop. He looked a bit more refreshed and I was relieved...though I was still annoyed at his 'maleness'. How could he say such stupid things? I suddenly felt abandoned...I was something that was there for Chris everyday. Did Chris take me for granted? I wondered this and shrugged off the feeling of foreboding.  
  
"You know," I said, after a moment of silence. Chris was just sitting there, looking at the rain, maybe starting to appreciate its beauty. "I don't know why I get so worked up over something like the rain."  
  
Chris grinned at picked up his pencil to my dismay. "Because you're Lark. You always appreciate the smallest things in life, the things I overlook. It's funny, actually, and refreshing."  
  
I looked curiously at him. "How is it refreshing?"  
  
"It's nice that you appreciate the small things that don't seem to count," Chris said. "It's nice that you appreciate things that get overlooked...it's something I can't seem to do. Now, come on, it's almost eight and we still have tons of homework."  
  
~~~  
  
"I just do not understand it," I muttered, rubbing the temples of my head. It was eight thirty and I hadn't progressed much since our last break that Chris and I had took. He was mostly finished all of his work and was now helping me with my algebra. I was always naturally smart; I just struggled with mathematics and science, whereas Chris was stronger in those areas. We were complete contrasts of each other, and it came in handy most times—we would help one another out and it paid off. "What does that mean?" I pointed to an equation Chris had written out on my loose-leaf.  
  
"How about we stop for tonight?" Chris asked hopefully, taking a long sip from his fourth pop. We had completely wiped out my pantry—cookies, chips, licorice...all of it devoured in a matter of minutes. I tended to eat when I was stressed...something I would struggle with all of my life. I looked up at Chris gleefully. "It's getting late, I've gotten some work done—and you can barely sit still."  
  
I happily clapped my hands together. "Yay! Finally. Okay, since you're all tired and whatnot, what are you in the mood today?" I asked Chris, shutting my binders and books happily and pushing them away. I knew I would eventually have to do the work—I just tended to be lazy and put it off. My stress level was off the wall and I hated conflict, so most of the time I just avoided it. I looked anxiously at Chris...I knew he was beat, but as selfish as it might have been, I didn't want him to leave. I loved his company, no matter how miserable the situation might be. Sure, it was pretty selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. You couldn't help but want to be near Chris at all times.  
  
Chris sighed and his eyes looked darker. He seemed to have gained some of his missing color that he had been deprived of earlier—perhaps the pop was beginning to have an effect on him. I doubted he got enough to eat and drink at home, so when he visited my home I made sure he had all that he could want—I wanted him to be content, I wanted him to be happy. I needed him to be happy.  
  
"I'm so tired," he muttered, leaning back in the chair. I arched an eyebrow—so now he chooses to bring the situation back up? I could never tell with Chris—he was so unpredictable. "I haven't gotten good nights sleep in so long."  
  
I frowned and leaned across the table, placing my head in my hands. "Why not?" Chris looked edgily at me from his seat. I knew he knew that I wanted to know why he was so tired—and I was so concerned that I didn't bother to try and cover it up. Not this time would Chris get away without telling me—I was all in best interest. If he told me, I could help him.  
  
"My dad," Chris started. I had heard those two words strung together so many times by Chris that I could almost see his mouth forming them before they actually came out. "He—he's been really worked up lately from his job and all...you know, he just got laid-off. Now he's looking for money...but...you know...all the money goes down the drain into his...drinking. Well he's made me—Lark don't freak out now—he made me get a job."  
  
I looked surprised at Chris. "What's so bad about that? I have a job—everyone has a job nowadays. Why are you so tired?"  
  
Chris looked cautiously at me and then back out the window. The rain had finally stopped, but now lightening could be seen in the distance and a slight thunder rolled through the clouds. "It's...well...it's not a 'normal' job. It's...er..."  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "Chris, spit it out! What does your dad make you do?"  
  
Chris scratched the back of his head and sighed. "He got me a job at the factory up the street from Davis'."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Okay. What's so not normal about that? Danny used to work there..."  
  
"I work the midnight till six shift...every other night."  
  
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kill Mr. Chambers, I wanted to kiss Chris, I wanted to cry...I actually began to shake. Sure, it wasn't as bad as I thought...for a moment I expected Chris to tell me he was in the moonshine business. No, it wasn't the job that was bad...it was the hours. Midnight until six in the morning? Was that even physically possible? Seven hours at night, when one should be sound a sleep? And a growing boy nonetheless! No wonder Chris looked like a corpse! I'm surprised he was still living.  
  
"You can't be serious," I said, widening my eyes and shaking my head. "Chris, that's insane. You need sleep, we all need sleep. When did this start?"  
  
Chris laid his head on his hands and groaned. "A few weeks ago..."  
  
"Chris! What are you doing? You need to quit, right now. You're going to kill yourself. You can't do it anymore! It's not fair to you! Your father is a grown man and should know better! What about Eyeball? Why can't he work?"  
  
Chris rolled his eyes. "You think Eyeball has ever worked a day in his life? The guy is fucked up...besides, he got fired from his last job and that time Eyeball broke his arm..."  
  
I frowned. "That's still not fair. Chris, school starts at eight o'clock everyday. You just can't do it."  
  
Chris ran his hands through his hair and looked so pathetic that I actually felt tears fill my eyes, but I quickly swallowed them. Chris Chambers was the only one who could ever make me cry...go figure. He looked at me and his voice was unsteady and breaking.  
  
"I can't do it anymore Lark," Chris sighed. "It's killing me, I swear. My bones ache, I haven't eaten in days...I have so much fucking homework."  
  
I had to bite down on my tongue to keep from yelling out and running over to the Chambers' house right now and strangling Mr. Chambers for doing this to Chris. Chris had to quit—that was the only option. This could turn into something serious—he could seriously get hurt or become dangerously ill. It wasn't normal. I worked a few days a week and I complained—but how could Chris work so many nights a week for seven hours and still manage? I could see the work was starting to take a toll on him...  
  
I stood up from my chair and knelt in front of Chris. I took his hand gently and turned his face towards me. "Chris, you've got to quit. You can't be afraid of your father anymore...you have got to quit. It's not healthy."  
  
Chris nodded reluctantly. "I know...I'll talk to him about it...maybe he'll understand or something."  
  
There was a long silence...we both knew that wasn't true and that the end would only lead into Chris getting banged up once more. It was inevitable—unavoidable. For Chris to not get hurt in anyway would have been unusual, surprising, odd. It was something that both of us had come to terms with over the years. It was something that had become a part of who were both were—Chris always got beat. That was that. It was sad, and horrible, and downright wrong, but there was nothing either one of us could do to change that. I hated it so much, but no matter what I did I couldn't stop that drunken monster from hurting the person I loved the most.  
  
~~~  
  
A bit shorter than I would have liked, but I'm trying to improve my style of writing? Like? Could you notice a difference? LOL I doubt it, but hey, I'm trying. Anywho...shout outs in the next few chapters. :)  
  
Something is wrong with fanfiction and my email!! I'm not getting any of my reviews, and they won't show up!! It sucks!!! Bot@Fanfiction.net is not working whatsoever, and I'm sad. I can't believe this!! Please, if you want to review, review still the same way just email them to me also. I like reading them!! So after you review, copy and paste it and email it to me. Thanks!! I haven't gotten the reviews from chapter 10 and it's killing me! 


	12. Here I Go

Sometimes when I was alone, I'd think of what life would be like if I was with Chris. What it'd be like to hold Chris' hand, what it'd be like to have him smile at me and have eyes only for me. I never knew what it was like to have a boy's attention romantically. Maybe it was time for me to just give up, move on, and forget about my feelings for Chris. He was my best friend, and maybe in the scheme of things that was all we were meant to be. Best friends...nothing more, nothing less. That was it.  
  
In the days that followed that night when Chris had told me of his Godforsaken job, I started looking elsewhere in the hallways. I couldn't wait for Chris forever—if he didn't like me in that way, that was that. I couldn't change it—I couldn't force him to love me. In the end, I only had me and that was that. As I walked down the hall with Chris and Gordie and the guys, I'd taken notice to other guys. None were comparable to Chris in my mind, but beggars can't be choosers. I knew that most guys wouldn't look at me in that way...sure I got attention from guys. But it was the head nod, or the "Hey Larko!! What's up?"...simple things.  
  
Simple. I suppose that was how I felt. So freaking simple. Life was tiresome...I continued to walk signs of blasphemy. I hated it...when would I just feel content? My mind was exhausted from constantly thinking of ways that I could change...lose weight, straighten hair, and pucker the lips. It hurt my head so badly to a point where I wanted to scream and cry, hold up my white flag and surrender. I was used to girls walking and talking constantly to Chris, but after my newfound crush on him, it made me so jealous. No necessarily of the fact that he was screwing half of them—no, the fact that they were so pretty. I wanted to look like them...be pretty and feminine. Why couldn't I dammit?! What was the problem here?  
  
Me. I was the problem...too stubborn to accept reality. I had to face the facts, the truth in this world I lived in...maybe I just wouldn't ever love and be loved in return.  
  
~~~  
  
"Hey Lark."  
  
I looked up and grinned when I saw Gordie come over and place his bag on the steps next to me outside of school. He looked tired and his hair was sticking out in all directions. He had the beginnings of dark bags under his eyes and his lips were chapped...he looked a bit like Chris had looked the night at my house not too long ago.  
  
"You look beat," I said, sliding over as Gordie plopped tiredly next to me. He sighed and rubbed his head—just looking at him made me exhausted. I wasn't used to everyone around me always being so incredibly tired, and it brought me down to. All of a sudden I felt like taking a nap, and the irony of it all made me giggle. Gordie looked questionably at me and shook his head. I stopped giggling and frowned.  
  
"Why do you look so tired?" I asked, pulling on my sweater. The cool wind was playing with my arms and made me shiver.  
  
Gordie sighed and leaned back on the steps. "Why are you still here?"  
  
I rolled my eyes at his obvious avoidance of the question and got a bit annoyed. I didn't feel like going through the same exact thing I had went through with Chris. It was tiring even more so than how tired both of them were.  
  
"I had a detention," I said, checking my watch. It was only three- thirty, my detention had only taken twenty minutes...it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I supposed Mr. Falworth didn't mind me all that much.  
  
"What are you waiting out here for?"  
  
"I'm debating whether or not to walk home, or wait around for a ride to come my way. Maybe my mom will eventually notice my absence and send Danny to come get me."  
  
Gordie smirked. "I doubt that." I glared at him but laughed nonetheless. Gordie always made you feel laid-back, you couldn't be tense or serious for too long. As serious and mature as Gordie seemed to be, he really just liked to relax. I suppose it was because of all the shit he went through everyday, so he just needed time for himself and his friends...for once, one minute out of his hectic life to not think about Denny or how he could have been alive still to this day. How things could have been different if it hadn't been for that horrible night so many years ago.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked, looking around for a minute. All the students had cleared out save for a few left behind stragglers. Most everybody was gone though and I and Gordie were the only ones on the steps.  
  
"I had to stop by the library," Gordie said. "Pick up a few books for history class. Gaaah, death to Miss Bridges."  
  
I laughed. "I know what you mean...she assigns so much homework." Gordie smiled at me, but his smile was tainted. A silence encircled us and we sat there, watching a leaf dance around in the air. I knew something else was bugging Gordie. To be brutally honest, I was just in one of those moods where I had a lot on my mind and my own problems were my main concern. But, being the oh-so-wonderful friend that I am, I swallowed my pride and looked concerned.  
  
"What's wrong Gordo? Something bugging you?" I asked. When he looked at me with those hurt-filled eyes, my own problems melted away and I became truly concerned. His doe eyes were so big; I couldn't help but melt every time. No one could.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
I grumbled. "No fair, I acted like the nice person that I am and I get no feedback. Talk, man, talk!"  
  
Gordie laughed, but it died away just as quickly. "Ahh, it's nothing. Just having some problems with Mary Louise."  
  
I frowned...this was slightly more serous than I thought. "Is everything okay?" I silently scolded myself...obviously everything wasn't okay if he looked so upset and wanted to talk about it.  
  
Gordie looked away into the sky and I could feel what he was feeling at that moment—wanting to get out, leave this place far, far behind. I looked anxiously at him. Gordie and I saw so much alike—I often wondered why it wasn't he whom I was in love with. I supposed I was just fucked up in the head like always.  
  
"We've been going together for almost seven months now," Gordie said. "Right? I mean, that's a pretty damn long time. I've never been with a girl for more than a few months."  
  
I nodded. I didn't know where he was going with this—but I gave Gordie time. He always worked his way into his problems by starting out subtly.  
  
"Well...lately it's just been—I don't know how to say this," Gordie said, sighing in frustration. "We've been arguing a lot lately. And it's not even about petty stuff—it's pretty serious. She keeps accusing me of shit like cheating on her, and you know just as well as I know that I've never been with another girl since we started dating. I think she sometimes gets jealous of us."  
  
I scoffed. "Of us?" I wanted to laugh, but the sullen look in his eyes silenced me.  
  
"Not really us, I think just you."  
  
I all out laughed now. "Me? Why?! Why the hell would ANYONE be jealous of me? Mary Louise—she's so pretty! I'm—I—I'm nothing, boring."  
  
Gordie shook his head. "You're not any of those things, Lark. She's jealous of the way we're best friends and she's jealous of the bond you and Chris have. You just don't realize how you are, do you?"  
  
I frowned. "What do you mean—'how I am?' I'm nothing, I already told you! Gordie, Mary Louise is so lucky to look the way she does and be the way she is. Guys actually like her! She's always smiling, and people love her, they want to be around her. I freaking repel people."  
  
Gordie looked at me disbelievingly and I immediately began to feel uncomfortable. I didn't like talking about myself, I much rather listen. It felt awkward to have the conversation about me. I was usually content with telling no one my feelings; I usually listened to everyone around me. Especially the guys, they loved having someone to pour their pathetic hearts in to.  
  
Gordie blinked several times. "You're fucked up in the head, you are. Lark, you don't see what you do to people, do you? You're funny, you're quirky, you have this—this glow about you that makes people just want to look at you! You don't get it—just the little things that you do are so different, so you, so Lark. You don't see how you really are—you don't see the impact you have on people. When you walk into a room Chris can't keep his eyes off of you! You don't see it, but I do! Teddy does! Even Verno sees it. Chris may not realize it, but he's noticing you in more than a friendly way."  
  
I all but gaped at Gordie. What the hell was he talking about? Chris didn't stare at me! No one did, I was Lark. The quirky, funny, slightly annoying at times wacky girl. That was just me! Did Chris really notice me more? My heart sped up. Wait—what's happening! Stop it Lark! This isn't about you. It's about Gordie and his problems.  
  
I blinked several times. "I have no idea what the hell that was all about, but this isn't about me."  
  
Gordie sighed and looked away, his eyes completely exhausted.  
  
"Back to Mary Louise," I said quickly, trying to cover up the awkward moment. I'd never have someone say that to me, and I didn't take it well, obviously. "You need to talk to her. You love her."  
  
Gordie shrugged. "I thought I did."  
  
"She loves you," I said. He looked sadly at me and grabbed his bag.  
  
"You want a ride home?" I looked questionably at him and shrugged.  
  
"Fucking yeah."  
  
~~~  
  
[Okay I know that was super short, but it took FOREVER to write. I have a few ideas as to how I want this story to flow, and I'm not sure. I have several options. I'm debating them in my head as to how I want it to end, or how I *need* it to end. This is somewhat of a memoir kind of thing. It's truly how I feel about myself and what people correlate to me. It's just a whole messy emotions kind of thing. Anyways, shout-outs in the next chapter! I promise next time the chapter will be VERY LONG and some Chris action!! Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl.] 


	13. My Only One

Can I talk to you?  
  
I love you, I love you, I love you so much. I want to hold you, don't you see that? I want to talk to you, please, let me know what you feel like. Your warm, soft skin against mine. I love you, isn't that enough? Am I not enough? My inner beauty is not enough? I love you, can I talk to you?  
  
I can't talk to you anymore. I can't look at you without wanting you. I'm screaming, why can't you hear me? I'm screaming, I'm falling deeper into this darkness. It hurts, it hurts, the pain, why can't you hear me? Hello? I'm screaming, I'm falling, deeper.  
  
Can I talk to you?  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Chris—can I talk to you?"  
  
Chris looked up at me with his beautiful eyes and my heart lurched. It was now or never...I had to talk to him...I needed to talk to him. I needed him to know how I felt, or I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. These thoughts that have built up in my mind were going to burst, I was falling so deep. I needed to get, it was getting so bad. I couldn't stop thinking about him; I couldn't help but want to drown every girl he talked to. It was horrible, but I loved him with a passion strong enough to kill us both.  
  
"Sure Lark," he said, resuming to tying his shoe. The sun beat down upon both of us and the warm weather was a nice change from the cold. Almost a foreshadowing of what was to come.  
  
I sighed. "Good." We began to walk down the sidewalk again and I tenses, knowing Chris could feel the tension. He always knew when something was wrong...and I always knew with him. He could see it in my stature; he could see it in my eyes, how hurt I looked. I glanced back at him and grimaced. This was harder than I thought...if I didn't do this correctly it would ruin our friendship forever, and that was something I wasn't willing to sacrifice. My dignity was quite another thing.  
  
"Well," I started, throwing my pride out the window. I figured I had nothing to lose anymore. I only lived once, I needed to take chances, be daring, live it before it was gone. I could be gone at any second, I wanted him to at least know how I had cared about him before it was too late. "I need to tell you something."  
  
Chris' eyes lit up at that moment too. He looked at me as we continued to walk and grinned. "Oh! I just remembered, I have to tell you something too!"  
  
I frowned. Not what I planned...I decided to continue anyway, afraid of hearing what he might want to tell me.  
  
"Well, I've been thinking...about...how I feel and well..."  
  
Chris nodded but his face looked so anxious to tell me his news that I had to stop.  
  
"What do you have to tell me Chris?" I asked, trying quite hard to keep the misery from my voice. Why, why did he have to tell me something now?  
  
Chris smirked and ran a hand through his hair. He was completely oblivious to my obvious annoyance, but that was just the way he was, typical guy.  
  
"Well you know how there's that dance on Friday," he began. I nodded, grumbling. In all honesty, I had totally forgotten. And it wasn't a pleasant reminder—I was not looking forward to going. I hated dancing overall, and I hated the dance atmospheres. It was definitely a place for drama to ensue. "Well...this chick Christy Bloom asked me."  
  
He stopped and looked at me, his face full of happiness. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. It was all I could do from crying and I had to swallow to keep down my tears.  
  
"W-what did you say?" I asked, trying my best to stay calm, when in reality I was wigging out.  
  
Chris smirked and put his hands in his pockets. "I said yes, of course. Man that girl is so hot...plus I hear she's really easy, which is kind of a turn off but kind of intriguing. How could I not say yes?"  
  
My face burned hot with anger and my eyes misted over. I tightened my mouth and looked away, afraid I would break down if I looked at Chris. How could I? I was in love with him, and right before the most important moment of my life, he ruined it by being immature and stupid!  
  
"Something the matter, Lark?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. I tried not to notice how much I loved his voice.  
  
I looked angrily at him and bit my tongue. "Actually Chris, there is. I'm sick and tired of having to listen to your bullshit! Do you think I have any desire to hear about every girl you screw? Do you have any idea about my feelings?!"  
  
Chris looked at me, dumbfounded. He didn't say anything and I didn't even realize we had stopped walking.  
  
I turned to him and crossed my arms to keep me from slapping him across the face.  
  
"You know," I began, tears welling in my eyes but I cursed them. My voice was shaky and about to break. "I was actually going to tell you how much I really did care about you...and you go and fucking ruin it! Chris—has it ever occurred to you that I might want to tell you something? I need someone to talk to too! I—I...URGH! Why can't you just...arrrgh!"  
  
Chris looked at me surprised and I was frightened that his eyebrows would disappear into his hair. He looked a bit hurt, really confused, and overall baffled.  
  
"Chris," I began, trying to stay calm. "You are so smart, so wonderful. Why do you ruin it with stupid male comments like that? I love when you say things unique and different and sweet and intelligent. It makes you prove all these dicks who hate you wrong. Chris—I...I..."  
  
I couldn't take it anymore. I was losing it. What was happening? I loved him, the guy standing before me; I loved him with everything I had. As egotistical as he may be and shallow, he was always there for me when I needed him. I remembered the times I would call him late at night, or he would sneak over when I had a nightmare. I thought about the times when we would spend countless hours doing nothing, and having so much fun. I thought about the times I made him smile, made him laugh...all the times he hugged me. All the times he told me that I wasn't boring, that I was funny and pretty. All the times that he would gently push me or nudge me and I would feel so tingly. I thought about his smile, his beautiful hair, his tortured eyes...I saw him slaving every night to work for the money his father had lost, yet still have a smile upon his face for me. I saw him and how sweet he was to me, and everyone around him. I saw him holding Amanda Bradshaw's hands, I saw him push a stray curl out of my eyes. I saw him sleeping upon my bed the night he had come to me. I was screaming, feeling deeper, I thought about the fact that I was the one he came to when he was falling down. He always caught me. And I loved him. Loved him more than anything in this world.  
  
Without thinking, without realizing what I was doing, I grabbed him by the neck and pressed my lips to his. I was shaking, trembling, my stomach was a mess, but I kissed him, I kissed him and he kissed me back. I was kissing my best friend in the middle of the sidewalk as the sun beat upon us and he kissed me back. I shook, I trembled, tears began to fall down my face, but I kissed him. I kissed Chris Chambers, I kissed him with everything I had, I poured my heart and soul into that kiss. All the anger, all the hurt, all the pain I had felt I poured into that kiss. And he kissed me back.  
  
I was terrified as I pulled away and I looked at him, tears falling down my face. I was shaking and I was afraid at what I had just done, how I had jeopardized our beautiful friendship. He looked at me with those sensitive orbs and didn't say anything, just looked at me. He looked at me with compassion, regret, desire. I couldn't stop shaking, the tears flowed down my cheeks. As the wind blew my hair, I couldn't face him. He would laugh at me, make fun of me, talk behind my back, how foolish was I? I turned and ran, I ran, ran away from him, the boy I loved, I ran, and didn't stop. I ran from my problems, my fears, I ran, and ran, my curls flowing behind me, my lips throbbing from the kiss, my mouth full of salt from my tears.  
  
And I didn't look back at Chris once.  
  
~ ~ ~ 


	14. Rock Bottom

I didn't know what to do. What would I do? What could I do? I had ruined everything over the years, all the times that would make my life so complete. I had lost them all, everything, and the pain of knowing that I would never get them back to the way they were...that hurt so much.  
  
I don't suppose I'd ever be able to take back what happened. And if I could, I don't know if I would take the kiss back. What had I done? I had just dug my grave a little deeper—I had made my life all the worse as if it wasn't hell enough. Why did I put myself in these stupid decisions? Why did I make myself feel even worse than I already did? Wasn't the pain of knowing I could never have the one thing I so desired enough to make me scream and want out, so why did I have to flash it before me yet again in another pathetic attempt to change what had already been done? Why, why, why did I do these things to myself? I couldn't take it, I swore things would change between us, but the anger and humiliation had built up for so long that I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't, I had to act, what if it all ended tomorrow and I regretted never letting him know? Never letting know just how much I loved him.  
  
And I did. I loved Chris. I loved that boy with all my heart, all my soul, everything I had in me. I wanted to take care of him when he was sick, I wanted to love him so openly and freely, I wanted to hold him, be there for him, give him the security he had been so deprived of all his life. Had I ruined everything by kissing my best friend? Had I ruined our beautiful friendship, our beautiful rare, unique, remarkable friendship that made me who I was? Was he even fazed by what had happened? Was he laughing right now with the guys, congratulating him on yet another girls' heart so easily wrapped around his finger? Did Chris even pay me any mind? Did he love me like I loved him? Did he want to hold me, touch me, like I so desired to touch him? The passion, the pain, the anger, the scorn, all of this exhausted my every thought until I couldn't think anymore, until I could barely breathe, until the tears that had been built up for so long came flowing freely from my eyes, until I screamed inside myself, I laid inside myself for hours wishing, hoping, upon some star that would answer my prayer.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Danny, can I please have a ride to school?"  
  
My older brother looked at me with an arched eyebrow, and slid his shirt over his head. His hair was unkempt from sleep and his eyes were puffy. He was no doubt half awake, but I paid no mind to this. I needed a ride, I wouldn't be stuck walking. Not today...I couldn't face Chris. Would he want to talk about it, or act like nothing ever happened? Would he even talk to me? All I knew was that I couldn't risk the chance of running into him only the day after I had done the one thing that would change my life forever.  
  
Danny looked at me and sighed, leaning over to tie his shoes. I glanced around his room and grimaced—it was so incredibly messy. T-shirts and jeans littered the floor, as did car magazines and socks. Boxers were hanging off of his record player, and he had an empty bottle of pop squished on his desk. Boys.  
  
"I haven't given you a ride in so long," he said. "You always walk with Chris. Why now?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes. How did he always know something was up? Why had the thought even crossed his small mind?  
  
"Because," I started, trying to think of a reasonable explanation. "Because I don't feel like walking. Yeah, that's all...I don't feel like walking."  
  
Danny rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing his bag from the back of his desk chair.  
  
"Fine you litter twerp," he said, walking passed me and rustling my hair. "I'll meet you by the car in five."  
  
I grinned happily and my mood slightly lightened, but the pit in the bottom of my stomach didn't go away. I knew today no matter what I would eventually have to face Chris. No matter how freaking long I stalled.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I honestly thought, I swear to the Lord, I honestly thought I was going to puke my breakfast up. The palms of my hands were becoming increasingly sweaty and butterflies infested my stomach. I stood fiddling with my lock, hoping to God that Chris wouldn't come walking down the hall. I was frightened beyond belief at what he might say, or even more what he might not say. I had never had these feelings before; I had never been accustomed to them. And I couldn't say that I liked it.  
  
Finally after what felt like forever, I managed to clumsily open my lock and in one swift move I dumped my books into the small space, grabbed my algebra and English book, and quickly parted from me and Chris' usually meeting spot before class. I looked around before hurrying to first period. I decided to skip homeroom...the less I saw Chris, the better.  
  
English was usually my favorite class, I enjoyed reading and writing...however, I was a bit apprehensive as I made my way into the crowded classroom. I couldn't breathe as I saw Chris sitting there, in his normal seat, talking to some girl who was laughing. My stomach dropped—I supposed it was the girl he was going to the dance with. I had to bite down on my tongue and swallow my tears as I made my way to my seat—two in front of Chris and one row to the left. I wondered momentarily if he saw me as I saw him, if he got the urge to come talk to me like he would normally had done if I had just kept my lips to their rightful owner—myself.  
  
"Lark, you look like shit."  
  
I looked up to see Gordie turned around in his seat, his eyebrows raised high. Just like the other day, his hair was standing on end and his lips were chapped. He looked so tired still, and I frowned. I wished everyone wouldn't always be tired. It made my head hurt.  
  
"Thanks Gordie, that's exactly what I want to hear first thing in the morning," I said, leaning my head onto my hands.  
  
Gordie smirked; however, his eyes grew concerned. He always knew when something was bothering me. I saw his eyes flick behind me, to where Chris sat, and I wanted to turn around to see what Chris was doing, but I had to hold myself back. I couldn't look at him...not now. Not now.  
  
"Something bothering you Lark?" He asked. I shrugged and looked to see where our teacher was, but he was busy writing at his desk. There was still a few moments until the bell rang. I looked back at Gordie.  
  
"I've made a huge mistake," I said, regret hanging off of every word. He looked at me with questioning eyes and a bit of alarm.  
  
"Err, how big?" He asked and I had to laugh a bit.  
  
"Don't worry Gordie—not that big," I said. Gordie looked a bit relieved, but still concerned.  
  
"What happened?" he asked. I sighed...did I really want to relive the worst moment of my life? Sure, I had made some stupid mistakes...but nothing as humiliating as that. How stupid could I possibly be?  
  
"I...er...well...last night me and Chris went for a walk..." And so I dove into the story of how I had ruined one of the only things keeping me alive on this planet. When I had finished, I bit my lip in anxiety as Gordie shook his head slowly.  
  
"You know Lark," he said. "You are so wacked. You pick the worst times to do things. Sure, now you go and tell Chris you like him...well you didn't really tell him, did you? More of...er...showed him you liked him."  
  
I glared at Gordie as he smirked. "Gordie, what am I going to do?" I buried my face into my hands and felt the tears threatening to spill. I was such a fool.  
  
Gordie sighed. "Well, you should talk to him. You have to talk to him. It's the only way."  
  
I tore my hands away from my face and raised my eyebrows. I momentarily forget my dilemma as I remembered Gordie's own predicament.  
  
"Not to change the subject or anything," I started quickly as I saw our algebra teacher stand up. The bell was going to ring any second. "But how are things with Mary Louise?"  
  
Gordie grimaced and made to turn around in his seat. "Err...I'll tell you later."  
  
I frowned but decided later would be best—the bell began to ring and I sat back in my seat, wishing time would last forever, so I'd never have to face Chris. I mused for a moment the irony of not wanting to see the one person I'd dreamed about every night. Oh, the irony of it all.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
The class seemed to never end. I had no idea what Mr. Falworth was saying half the time, I kept thinking of ways I could avoid Chris. The bell finally did ring, however, and I slowly gathered my books and made my way out of the classroom, making sure I was far back in the massive crowd of students. I saw Chris looked around for several moments, whether he was looking for me I did not know, but I made sure those beautiful eyes of his did not cross my path.  
  
I thanked the heavens that we did not share second period together, and when the lunch bell rang I decided to skip and give the library a well needed visit. The library was where I found myself most relaxed, and the stress of my life faded away.  
  
I found a row of books, way in the back of the library, and I quietly sat down, leaning my back against the shelves. No one was around, and I figured I could sort out my emotions, lay it down without lament for my pathetic situation.  
  
I needed to talk to Chris. I couldn't avoid him forever. I couldn't avoid him for much longer. I needed, I had to talk to the boy. He needed to understand my feelings, and the fact that they weren't going away. I needed to understand his feelings, and the fact that he thought nothing more of me than a best friend, a confider. I needed to respect that. I just hoped he would understand, I hoped he would understand the vulnerable state he put me in. I hoped he would understand the power he had over me...  
  
I didn't really have enough time to think about anything, for the devil himself came stumbling atop of me, literally tripping over my bag and landing hard on top of me. I didn't have time to fawn over the fact that Chris Chambers lay atop of me, I was quickly losing feeling in my leg.  
  
"Ooofmp, Chris, you're squishing me," I croaked, my voice muffled from his shoulder on my mouth.  
  
"Sorry," Chris mumbled, quickly sitting up right, opposite of me. He was breathing rather shakily and I wondered why he had come to the library. Chris was hardly ever in the library—had he known I was here?  
  
The moment was awkward to say the least. Chris looked at me nervously and I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye—I couldn't, I was afraid of what I might do. Instead, I rubbed my elbow which Chris had banged into the shelf.  
  
"Are you hurt?" He asked, looking at my face which no doubt mirrored a mix of emotional and physical pain. My elbow was really hurting me.  
  
I took a chance and glanced into his eyes and I could feel myself slipping away. I shook my head.  
  
"No," I said firmly. Chris' eyes shown hurt though and I knew the question held more meaning than that of the well-being of my elbow.  
  
Silence engulfed us one more time and I couldn't help but want to break it. I leaned my head against the shelf and he looked at me.  
  
"Lark," he began. Oh God, here it comes. The horrible lecture of 'I like you, just not like that.' Oh God, how I dreaded that lecture. "We need to talk."  
  
I braced myself for what was to come. But I wouldn't take his sympathy—I didn't need his pity. Poor ugly girl, fell for me and now I get to break her heart. No, I didn't want that. No! I'm not a victim. I will NOT be the victim. Not me, Not Lark.  
  
"No—Chris wait," I said. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would fly through my chest. "Don't. What happened the other night...I was caught up in emotions...I didn't know what I was doing."  
  
Chris looked pained, strained, drained, all of them. He looked so exhausted, so tired, so worn out. He looked like he wanted to say something, but had no idea what it was.  
  
"Lark," he repeated. "I—I didn't know what to do. It was shocking to say the least. And—and then you just ran. And you cried! You never cry, Lark."  
  
I didn't say anything. What were you supposed to that? It wasn't a legitimate explanation—it told me nothing! Just say it dammit, you hate me, you don't love me, laugh at me, make me humiliated, ashamed, something, make me cry for Heavens sake!  
  
"You have to understand," he began. "You're my best friend. You will always be my best friend." I wanted to scream, I was screaming, I was running. Running, screaming, stop it, oh God please make it stop. Make the pain stop, please. "I don't want to lose you, Lark. You're my best friend." I closed my eyes.  
  
I grimaced as he said these next words. I would never forget them...never ever. They would haunt me for days, the feeling I had at that moment I would never forget. I remembered exactly how he looked at that moment, confused, pained, afraid, regretful. I remembered the way his hair fell to the side a bit at that precise moment. I would never forget what he would say to me next.  
  
"I love you Lark, I love you so much. Just not like that."  
  
After all these years of falling, I finally hit bottom. Rock fucking bottom.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I looked sadly at him, trying to comprehend what he was saying. He didn't love me. Of course he didn't love me. Why would he love me? I was Lark. Lark O'Reilly, his best friend. But—wait, he had told me he loved me. He had said it, but he just didn't love me 'in that way.' I felt tears building up in my eyes, tears of humiliation, but I wasn't giving him that much satisfaction.  
  
I sighed a deep and shaky sigh, and leaned my head against the book shelves. He watched me sadly, and I saw something in his eyes—something like regret. I saw his pained face looking at me, watching me, as I tried to maintain my pride. I wondered if he had ever thought of me in 'that way'. Chris had, after all, kissed me back. I had kissed him, but he didn't pull away, he kissed me back. Maybe it was in pure heat of the moment, or maybe for one brief minute he had seen me in a new light. Whatever it was, I probably would never know.  
  
Looking back, I seemed a bit of a fool to think our friendship would be ruined over something as trivial as a crush. But that was just it...it wasn't a crush. It was love, pure, honest, innocent love. I was in love with my best friend and that was that, I couldn't change it for the life of me. I looked at him sadly and I couldn't help but just feel sad. Sad, that was it. I was sad that I had ever kissed him, I was angry that I had ever fallen for him...but it was almost inevitable.  
  
"Chris," I began, looking away for a moment. "I'm sorry I made this whole thing so complicated. I'm sorry I ever liked you that way..."  
  
Chris looked at me again with that same look of regret. He looked away, and then looked back at me.  
  
"Lark," he said. "You may not understand now, but I can't...I just can't. I can't do this right now. I need you there for me...there for me so I can talk to you. I need you as my best friend. Don't you see?"  
  
I felt anger prick up in me. Chris was so fucking shallow, could he get any shallower? Was I only there whenever he needed someone to talk to? Did he care about me at all, was I just the friend? I had no worth as a person?  
  
I felt the tears build in my eyes and Chris looked so full of hurt at me. "Lark, I don't want to lose you. You're worth so much more than any of the girls I have ever been with. I—I don't have the best luck in the relationship department. I wouldn't give you the love you deserve...I don't deserve you. I would treat you so badly...I'd screw it up. I don't want to take that chance."  
  
The tears continued to form in my eyes and I looked at him as I began to shake. I hated this power he held over me. It was so terrifying and exciting at the same time.  
  
"What are you saying?" I managed to whisper, just as a single tear fell down my cheek.  
  
Chris leaned in closer to me and sighed. "You are worth so much more than just another fling of mine. I—I wish I could be different. I wish...I wish I could give you the love you deserve so much. But I can't...I wish I could change..."  
  
I glared at him, suddenly so angry. "Chris, don't you see? Oh God, I swear, open your eyes! Why can't you see that I love you the way you are? Imperfections and all! I'm fucking sick and tired of you never listening to me fully! I'm just not freaking good enough for you, right?"  
  
I couldn't believe I had said those words, but sometimes things just happen and you don't think about them. Chris looked at me ashamed. He looked away and I cried out in frustration.  
  
"If I was pretty, it'd be different wouldn't it?" I spat angrily. "If I was pretty, you'd love me back. You know that's the truth. If I was freaking Amanda Bradshaw you'd love me."  
  
Chris looked away, too ashamed to talk. I couldn't believe it. He was just as shallow as I thought. I glared at him, the tears falling. I grabbed my bag and walked out of the library, and out of Chris' life.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
[I couldn't bring myself to do shout-outs this time. I promise in the next chapter there will be shout-outs. This was sad to write...I hate to admit it. But I didn't want this story to be clichéd, and it'd be way too unreal if he suddenly professed his undying love for Lark. But the story is not over!! It's far from it—do not be frightened!! There's still more to come. And alas, some hope for Lark and Chris? Aye! That chapter was kind of weird, I know.] 


	15. Dude, kiss 'er already!

It wasn't the end of the world. It couldn't be. I would NOT fall apart over some guy, some guy who'd I'd been infatuated with and had been totally dejected. No, I was not going to fall apart. There were other guys out there, other nice, smart, funny NON SHALLOW guys, who appreciated people for who they were and not the exterior. Yes, I would find a guy like that...eventually.  
  
It hurt, that was true. Oh God, did it hurt so badly. But I suppose that was normal. I'd never had my heart broken before. I'd never known what it felt like to have someone look you in the eyes and tell you they didn't feel the same. I would remember that feeling forever, for all of my life. It was a feeling like no other—your heart speeds up just before the bomb is dropped, and when it's over all you want to do is not move, just stare and stare, empty and hollow. I didn't cry, I didn't even cry. My tears when I ran out of the library were out of anger and annoyance, but not out of heart break. I would NOT cry over Chris Chambers. Over my best friend.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Lark! Lark open the door, I know you're in there!"  
  
"Go away!" I yelled, throwing my pillow to my bedroom door where Gordie continued to knock. I didn't want to see him—I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. I just wanted to be alone, I needed to think, sort out my emotions. I just needed time to myself so I could change the disaster I had already made.  
  
"Don't make me bust the door down," Gordie grumbled, trying with all his might to turn the knob. He pounded hard on the door and I could feel it about give out. As lanky as LaChance was, he was pretty strong. I sighed, finally letting in to his excessive knocking, and rolled off of my bed. I unlocked the door reluctantly and Gordie tumbled in onto the floor. I had to laugh.  
  
"Don't laugh at me," he growled, standing up. He looked tired as usual, but his eyes were sad and hollow. Had he known what happened between me and Chris? Or had something happened between Mary Louise and him?  
  
"What do you want?" I said irritably, going back over to my bed—my pity spot—and slumped against my pillows. I was still so groggy from what had happened earlier and I could tell Gordie knew something was up.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you," Gordie said, sitting down on my desk chair. He sighed. "I talked to Chris earlier."  
  
I grimaced. "Lovely," I said, playing with the corner of one of my pillows. "Whatever about?"  
  
Gordie looked apprehensive, as if contemplating whether to tell me or not. I wish he would just spit it out—it was better to just get it all out than to make me become all anxious.  
  
"You," he said, looking right at me. "We talked about you."  
  
I frowned. I rubbed my head and sighed. "Did he tell you what happened?" I asked, trying my best to block out Gordie's voice, but the laws of physics wouldn't allow it.  
  
Gordie sighed. "He told me about the library incident. What you said to him really hurt him, Lark."  
  
I couldn't believe my ears. Hurt him? How could I hurt him? I gaped and Gordie.  
  
"How the hell could I hurt Chris?" I asked. I had to know—come on, me hurting Chris? Right.  
  
Gordie sighed and looked thoroughly upset. "He told me that you said to him that if you were 'pretty' then he'd like you back. He said that you said that if you were 'pretty' than everything would be different. That really hurt him, Lark. Chris isn't like that—he's not shallow like that. Especially not with someone he loves, you."  
  
I shook my head. "It's true, Gordie! Chris is a shallow bastard! That is what it's about...if I was pretty—"  
  
"Lark would you just shut up!" Gordie snapped. I looked at him taken aback. Gordie had never yelled at me like that before. "It's not about the way you look! You're not ugly, so stop thinking that! Have you ever thought that maybe Chris just doesn't like you like that?"  
  
Ouch. That hurt...I swallowed several times to keep the tears from flowing. "Gordie—I never said that he—"  
  
Gordie shook his head. "Listen to me. Chris loves you Lark, he loves you so much. More than you think...and you know what, I see it in his eyes, he loves you more than just a friend. I don't think he realizes just how much he does care about you, I don't think he knows that you mean more to him than a best friend. He looks at you the way he looks when he's found something special, when he's truly fallen."  
  
I glared at Gordie. "How can you say that to me? How can you be so cruel? You don't know anything; Chris does not like me that way! He told me so!"  
  
Gordie cried out in frustration. "He told you that because he was afraid! Wouldn't you be afraid of losing Chris? He's afraid he'll lose you, which is a bit selfish I'll admit, but he's afraid. You're the one good thing in his life and he doesn't want to lose you."  
  
I crossed my arms stubbornly. "I don't believe it. If Chris feels that way about me, he'd tell me to my face. He's always told me everything."  
  
Gordie shook his head. "No he hasn't. He has never told you anything about the way he feels about you. You know, I've known Chris longer than you have known him. He's my best friend too, you know. He really cares about you Lark, and I swear to God it's more than you know. One of these days that boy will open his eyes and see you! See what's right in front of his face—a beautiful girl who has so much to give."  
  
"Shut up!" I screamed. "Stop saying these things! Stop filling my head up with hopes that will never come true! Stop saying that I'm pretty, stop telling me Chris loves me, stop saying he cares about me! I'm not stupid Gordie, I may be pathetic, but I am NOT stupid!"  
  
Gordie shook his head, pity evident on his face. "The both of you are so fucked up. You both don't realize what you mean to each other, and if one of you doesn't open your eyes and go for it, I'll shoot myself."  
  
I glared at him. "I'll shoot you first bastard! If you haven't noticed, MY EYES ARE FUCKING WIDE OPEN! I KISSED him, isn't that enough? I told him that I loved him! I told him how I felt! He just doesn't feel the same. I need to accept that!"  
  
Gordie sighed. "You know, I don't know why I'm bothering with you. I have my own problems—for instance, Mary Louise and I broke up."  
  
I gaped at him, immediately forgetting my own problems. "W-what?" I asked. "W-when? How could you?"  
  
Gordie shrugged, leaning on the back of the chair. "We both agreed it was for the best. Mainly, we just don't like each other anymore."  
  
"You can't just stop liking someone out of nowhere!" I said, angrily. "Relationships do not just 'end.' They slowly deteriorate."  
  
Gordie shrugged. "Whatever you want to call it. Bottom line is, we are broken up."  
  
I arched an eyebrow. "Aren't you upset?"  
  
"I guess," Gordie yawned. "She wasn't all that great...it was kind of a boring relationship. She won't speak to me though, and she's telling everyone that she dumped me, when in fact it was a mutual break up."  
  
I sighed. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you Gordo," I said. "I'm just so—so—frustrated. I've made a complete ass of myself, and I don't know if I can ever fix it."  
  
Gordie stretched his arms out and sighed. "You'll fix it. You and Chris are best friends—it'll get better, don't worry. Eventually he'll come around."  
  
I grumbled. "Gordie, if he doesn't like me that way, he doesn't like me that way. That's that. I need to just...get over it, I guess."  
  
Gordie shrugged. "Whatever. Listen, I got to go. If you need to talk anymore, just call me."  
  
I nodded and flopped down on my bed. "I'm screwed."  
  
"Nahh, you're really not," Gordie said, walking out of my room and shutting the door on his way out.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Whenever I would get stressed or annoyed, I'd take a walk. So that's what I decided to do...take a walk. And what a walk that was.  
  
I was passing Medlar Street and Pomgranite Street when I saw Chris walking towards me. He looked so upset—so exhausted, and his lip was freshly cut. I couldn't just pass him and ignore him, I had to say something. Though, I wasn't sure what that would be.  
  
He spoke first. He saw me approaching and came right at me, held me by the arm and wouldn't allow me to walk any further. His very touch made me shiver.  
  
"Hey Lark," he said, disturbingly normal. How could he act normal at a time like this? "How's it going?"  
  
I looked at him, bewildered for a moment. I couldn't believe he actually wanted to talk to me! I was not only extremely embarrassed, but the whole situation was awkward. No more than seven hours ago I was professing my love for him in the library, and now we were acting like old buddies. Life was fucked up. I decided to go along with it—though I knew we would have to face it sooner or later.  
  
I arched an eyebrow at him and shoved my hands in my pockets. "It's going alright. How 'bout you?"  
  
He shrugged and touched his lip, then grimaced. I stepped in closer to him automatically and touched his cut.  
  
"Does it hurt bad?" I asked, trying to see how deep it was. He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow, but nodded all the same. "You need to clean it up."  
  
Chris grimaced again as I traced my fingers over the cut above his right eye. He looked a real mess. I was surprised we were talking at all—I supposed it was our way of trying to forget the humiliating events earlier.  
  
"I can't go back," Chris muttered. "My dad will kill me—literally."  
  
I nodded, understanding. I bit my lip nervously...I had to talk to him now, about it, before something stupid escaped my lips and we were back at square one.  
  
"Come on," I said. "We can go to my house. I'll clean it up for you."  
  
Chris looked sadly at me, and all at once did his eyes darken and he looked ashamed.  
  
"Lark," he breathed. "I don't deserve you. It'd be so much easier for you to just walk away, to just not care about me. How do you do it? I've been so cruel to you, and yet you still want to take me home and care for me. How is that?"  
  
I felt tears prick my eyes and I swallowed. "Chris—"  
  
"No," Chris said, suddenly extremely upset. "I realized something Lark. I realized something as I watched you walk out of the library today, and I realized it when you started to cry. I realized that there are people in this world who will come and go, who will walk in and out of my life. But you—you've always been there. You've never gone anywhere; you'll always be there for me even when I fuck up."  
  
I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his finger to my lips.  
  
"Here me out," he said. "I don't deserve you. I've fucked up so bad these past few years; I haven't given you all that you deserve. You deserve someone better than me. But I realized as I watched you leave, that I might never be able to get back what he had. I—I care about you Lark. I really do...so much more than you know. I can't change what I said back there, in the library, but I regret it. I regret not realizing how I felt about you so long ago—I've never realized it until you walked away."  
  
Tears fell down my face now. How could he do this to me? How could he tell me that I was nothing more than a friend one minute, than tell me he really did care more about me the next? How could Chris torment me so? This wasn't happening, I never go the guy, I never would. I was Lark for fucks sake! I was Lark, the best friend, the girl that was just always there. I never expected for someone to actually give a damn about MY feelings, I always cared about everyone else's feelings. I didn't know what to do.  
  
Chris looked cautiously at me, and then grabbed me by the shoulders. I felt his breath tingle my face and I wanted to kiss him so bad again. How could he do this to me?  
  
He looked at me, and before I could say or do anything, he did what I never would expect Chris Chambers to do, especially to me, Lark O'Reilly.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
[OoO Cliffhanger! What do you think will happen? Will he kiss Lark? Will he tell her once again that he doesn't care that way about her? Well, you'll just have to wait to find out. I have a question though:  
  
Is this too unreal, too cliché? I was a bit nervous about this chapter; I don't want it to seem unreal, yet at the same time this story is meant to send a message out to people that looks aren't everything. Everyone can find love, it IS what is inside that matters. I'm trying to pull this off without being cheesy. How am I doing? I *really* don't want this to be cheesy...so please, if you think it's too cheesy and cliché, let me know!!  
  
...okay I promised shout-outs in this chapter. Here we go...they won't be long, I'm tired.  
  
StormShadow21: Ahh, yes, I'm glad you're enjoying this. You're my most persistent reviewer, and I just love it! I love it, I love it, I love it!! *Molly Shannon moment, sorry* I know that last chapter WAS harsh, but it's the goddamn truth!! Boys are just so...SHALLOW! But don't fret, I'm trying to make this good without being cheesy. I hope it is working. I'm glad you like this story enough to continue to review. Reviews=love. Yay. Anyways...thanks a bunch for reviewing and don't' forget to update your story! It's sooo good. Anywhos, my fingers hurt from typing. In the next shout-out segment, I promise to make the shout outs longer!! Until then, me. :)  
  
Beautyqueen321: woowoo, another review! Holler at it. I'm glad you think that this story is good enough to continue. I hope you liked this chapter!! I'm trying to eventually have Lark realize people WILL love her for her, you know? I'm sick and tired of the Mary-Sue's taking over the world and getting all the glory! The Best Friend rocks, and I'm rooting for her!!  
  
SleepIsFun: Thanks a bunch for reviewing!! You've reviewed from the beginning, and I hope you keep up with the story!! Gracias, it is much appreciated. :) strawberry for you! Holler, pass 'em around.  
  
Homestar-is-Delicious: You're penname is SO COOL!! I love it, from the first time you reviewed, I was like holler at the penname. It's awesome, really. Well, I'm glad you like the story so far!! Continue to review and tell me what you liked/didn't like, your perspective/opinions. It really does help!! **THAT GOES FOR ALL MY REVIEWERS!!** Those reviews are the best kind...anyways, here's to you. Well, I'm off. Strawberries for ya!  
  
*~Thanks to Sophie & Danihum also!!! You guys RoCk. PS-Sophie I think it's too funny that you read fanfiction in Spanish class. I love it!! Hahaha~*  
  
~*Okay kids, well that's all for today. Make sure you review and give me insight—and I'm kind of lost where this is going. Should Chris kiss Lark? Well, until next. –me :)] 


	16. Fallenhard

He kissed me. It wasn't the platonic kiss I was expecting, no, Chris Chambers looked me deep in the eyes and pulled me close, pressing his lips hard to mine. He pulled me close, his arms wrapped around my waist, and at first I didn't know what do. I was too shocked that this was happening. I immediately began to cry, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I was shaking, and I was falling, I already fell, I was gone. I wanted to hold him forever, all my pain, all the pain from that day at the library, all my anger, all the times Chris punched me lightly on the arm like one of the guys, all those times Chris had come to me and cried about his latest break up, all of these things flashed before me and I was blinded by the love that had surfaced again. I couldn't let him go, I wouldn't let him go, I needed him, I need him to breathe, to live, and I needed him for everything.  
  
Why was he kissing me? I felt him start to tremble and I became worried, but he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth. I had never felt so disconnected from the world than at that moment. I needed him to kiss me, he held me tight and I didn't want to let him go. He ran his hands threw my hair and I gently touched the sides of his face. It was my second kiss and the kind of kiss one dreams of. The kind of kiss that you see in movies and wish you could kiss like that, but this, it was perfect. It was the kind of kiss in the movies where the music started playing and everyone is crying, the kind of kiss where it starts raining, the kind of kiss that takes your breath away.  
  
We finally broke apart and I realized I still had tears falling down my face, though I wasn't sure why, and Chris grinned shyly at me. Suddenly, he looked so innocent and I was afraid—Chris was always the one who longed for his innocence back. And now he was standing before me looking as beautiful as ever. I looked up into his eyes and he looked into my eyes, and I couldn't help but feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world.  
  
I finally found my voice, but when I was about to speak Chris started first.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry for being a dick to you."  
  
I shrugged. "I'm used to it by now," I teased. I grinned and he touched my cheek gently. I was dreaming, right? "You got to be kidding me."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow. "What?"  
  
I smirked. "You have the WORST timing EVER Chambers," I said. He smirked and I snickered. "You really need to get that cut cleaned up," I said, not sure of what else to say. Chris rolled his eyes and smirked, though it looked like it caused him some pain. "Come on, we can go to my house."  
  
Chris looked at me and I knew that he was thanking me; I could see it in his eyes. I wasn't sure if he was able to voice his feelings yet, but having him in my arms was worth the world to me.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
My house was quiet as we entered, and I wondered where the family was. Usually someone was home. As we walked passed the living room, I heard the television turned on and peaked my head in to see Danny and Lucy watching TV with Danny's friend Lauren.  
  
"Where's mom?" I asked, arching an eyebrow. Danny looked back at me, laying his head on the back of the couch.  
  
"She's out," he called. "Dad's at the office again."  
  
I nodded and made my way up to my bedroom, Chris following me. I heard laughter trickle out from downstairs, and I rolled my eyes. Danny, Lucy and Lauren thought the stupidest things on TV were funny. I never watched TV, mainly because I got bored from it easily.  
  
My room was messier than I would have liked when Chris and I entered it, but even after our kiss I didn't mind Chris seeing the way it was. I never bothered to clean up when Chris came over, mainly because he never cared what my room looked like, and I didn't care either. He sat down on my bed and sighed.  
  
"It doesn't hurt that much," Chris said, looking through a book that was thrown on my bed. He looked at me irritated. "You're making this way more than it is."  
  
I glared at him and went to my bathroom, searching the medicine cabinet for rubbing alcohol. "You want it to get infected, huh? Don't be a pussy."  
  
Chris scoffed. "Me? A pussy? Ha."  
  
I laughed and breathed out a breath of relief. I was so thankful that it wasn't all awkward like I thought it would be. I was glad we were comfortable with each other—it made everything so much easier. Less stress, and if there was one thing I hated, it was stress.  
  
"Here," I said, coming back. "Hold still. This might hurt a bit." I dabbed a cloth to the corner of Chris' mouth where the cut was beginning to open again from our kiss. I smirked despite the pain I knew he was in. As the alcohol made contact with the wound, I saw Chris tense up and try not to make it obvious that it hurt. He was good at that, hiding his feelings.  
  
"Does it hurt?" I asked. Chris shook his head, though his face told me something different. I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"  
  
Chris laughed a bit, though it cost him energy. Energy he was lacking and that wasn't healthy for a seventeen year old boy. I looked at him and sighed.  
  
"It hurts a little," he said, touching it gently.  
  
"Don't touch it!" I snapped, grabbing his hand away. He looked at me and grinned. I blushed a bit, and quickly returned the medicine to the bathroom, hoping my blush would wear off.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
It felt right to be beside him, it felt right to have him lying next to me, all of this, it felt so right. It felt right to have him gently run his fingers up and down my stomach; it felt right to hear his breathing patterns. It felt so right.  
  
I never imagined I'd have Chris Chambers lying innocently next to me, us just lying there like best friends. I loved him more than he'd ever know, and right now I didn't care if he loved me half as much as he said. All I cared about was that he was okay, that he was safe, that he was secure. I could care less if died right then and there, as long as he was healthy and safe.  
  
Rain splattered my bedroom windows and I looked out at the darkened sky from where I laid on my bed. It had gotten so stormy looking, and the rain poured down so hard. I looked over at Chris, who had his eyes closed and his breathing uneven. He looked so tired, so exhausted, I thought he might be sleeping, but I wasn't sure. I didn't want to wake him if he really was sleeping, I knew he'd never get enough sleep at home, so I figured I'd let him sleep while he could.  
  
We hadn't kissed since on the street earlier that day, and I suddenly found myself wanting to taste his lips. I found myself wanting to know what it felt like to have his body against mine. I guess it was the fact that I'd always wanted him so badly, and now that I'd been given a taste, I wanted the whole thing. It was more than lust; I knew I was in love with him. I'd known I was in love with him long before, long before I even knew what love was.  
  
"Chris?" I whispered gently. It was past seven, I didn't want him to get in trouble if he got home late. I knew his father would not do him justice.  
  
His eyes fluttered open and he looked down at me. He stretched his arms into the air and yawned, then sighed.  
  
"When do you need to be home?" I asked, trying my best to not make it sound like I wanted him to leave. Chris looked at his watch and groaned.  
  
"Shit—my dad's gonna kill me." He ran his hands through his hair and sat up. I looked at him and wanted nothing more than to thank the Heavens' I actually had him with me. It was too unreal for me, yet at the same time it was all that I could want...and more.  
  
I sat up too. "Do you want Danny to drive you home? It's pouring outside." Chris looked outside and groaned again.  
  
"No, it's okay. I really should have been home earlier...shit my dad's gonna kill me!" he sat up and grabbed his shoes from the floor, beginning to tie them. "I'm sorry I fell asleep—I was so tired."  
  
I nodded, understanding. "Do you want to stay here tonight?"  
  
Chris grinned at me. "As tempting as that sounds..." I rolled my eyes. "My dad will kill me worse if I stay. I'll see you tomorrow in school."  
  
He got up and I smiled at him. He leaned down and kissed me and I could have died and been okay with it right then. I watched him leave and flopped back on my pillows, sighing and oddly happy.  
  
I had fallen...hard.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
[woohoo, they are FiNaLlY together. Yes! Lol. Anyways, the next chapter should be posted no later than the end of next week. I hope you all liked this chapter! It was nice to right for a change, it wasn't filled with all that angsty shit. I hope you still enjoy the story, though it is a little fluffier than usual. *grins* hey, sometimes it's inevitable!!] 


	17. postDance

Disclaimer: Boy, I haven't done one of these disclaimers for a loooooonnnggggggggggggggg time. I just had a sudden urge to do one...hehe. Lol. Everyone knows that I do not own anything from Stand by Me, obviously, or else I most definitely wouldn't be here. I'd be sunbathing on my own little island while Orlando Bloom feeds me grapes and rubs oils on me...ahh, the bliss of it all!! *mwhaha* Okay, ahem. I'm back into reality, I swear. I'm not making any money off of this pathetic excuse for a story, so don't sue me, I still haven't found my pennies yet. Ha! Vern-o moment...okay. I'm done I swear.  
  
~*Author Note*~ Thanks to all my reviews, yet again! They make me mucho happy. :) *giggles* Okay, here's chapter 17 and I'm hoping this is a good one. *fingers crossed* I'm starting to figure out what I want to do with this story; I just hope I don't lose my inspiration too soon!! Eeek, that's the worst feeling. *StormShadow21* don't worry; you'll get your inspiration back. You can't give up on Christine Sixteen though!! Please don't!! I love it and I'm sure you'll figure it out sooner or late. Praying for sooner! lol honestly, that story is soo good! :) so don't fret. Oh, and if you ever want to read a truly wonderful, moving, beautifully written Chris fic, you MUST read Aleka's I'll Stand by You. It was published two years ago, but it still remains my favorite!! Actually, anything written by Aleka is REALLY good and they're mostly about Chris. So definitely check them out. :) Okay, anyway, on with the chapter.  
  
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I grinned as I approached Gordie in the library and watched him writing fervently down on some piece of torn up paper. The guy never stopped writing...if he didn't become a writer I think I would shoot myself. His hair once again was standing on end and he looked tired, though not as tired as normally. I suppose the break up between Mary Louise and Gordie seemed to have affected him barely, and maybe it even was healthy for him...stress free one might say.  
  
"You never stop writing, do you?" I asked, sitting across from him. He looked up at me and smirked. He automatically covered his work with his arm—a habit of his. It always made me more curious to read his writing, I only read the stuff he'd let me read. If I could, I would read it all, but he was so secretive. I supposed he poured his heart out into his work, his version of a diary, and I respected that.  
  
"It clears my head," he said loftily, absentmindedly placing his algebra text book on top of the hastily written paper. He looked at me and grinned. I smiled back suddenly feeling at ease—whenever Gordie smiled it always did put me at ease.  
  
I sighed and placed my head in my hands and just looked at Gordie. He arched an eyebrow and shook his head, grinning slightly.  
  
"Why do you look so happy?" I asked. I thought I would be the happy one, the after effects of the previous night still fresh in my mind. But now, Gordie looked in one of the happier moods than I had seen in him in a long time.  
  
Gordie just grinned mysteriously and suddenly I wanted to know so badly what he was so happy about. I immediately sat up and raised my eyebrows.  
  
"What are you so happy about dammit!" I was starting to get annoyed, but Gordie just smirked and I decided to let it slide. He would tell me eventually, I knew it.  
  
"So," Gordie said, laughing at my irritated expression. "You realize the dance is tomorrow night, don't you?"  
  
I widened my eyes and slapped my forward. "Shit!" How could I have forgotten? What in the world would I wear? Would I go with Chris? Would I dance? These questions raced through my mind and I grabbed at my hair in frustration. "I totally forgot!"  
  
Gordie laughed. "I got myself a date. Ha!"  
  
I looked at him and smiled. "Who is it?"  
  
Gordie leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. He gave me that cocky 'I'm-so-hot' look and I rolled my eyes.  
  
"It's Jenny Anders," he said happily, and I could just see the excitement on his face. "She's so cute."  
  
I laughed, happy for him. "Gordo that's great. Do you like her?"  
  
Gordie shrugged and looked distantly broken. Maybe the break up with Mary Louise was affecting more than I thought...I wanted to say something witty and soothing, but my mind was blank and I couldn't process my thoughts correctly.  
  
"I don't know," he said finally. "A part of me still wants to be with Mary Louise. And another part of me is just ready to forget it and move on."  
  
I nodded, not really being able to know what he meant, but understanding it enough.  
  
"Well, I'm happy for you," I said. I was just about to tell him about Chris and my little rendezvous, when he smiled knowingly at me.  
  
"I'm happy for you too," he said. "I heard. I was wondering when you were going to tell me."  
  
I grinned sheepishly and couldn't keep the blush off of my face. "How did you find out?"  
  
Gordie arched an eyebrow. "How do you think? Chris is my best friend." I smiled and glanced at the clock. It was almost third period and study hall was almost over.  
  
"I better go get my stuff for Chemistry," I said, starting to gather up my things. "I'll talk to you later Gordie."  
  
Gordie just grinned at me, and then started writing away again once I had turned my back.  
  
~ * ~ * ~  
  
"Hello."  
  
I turned around from my locker and grinned when I saw Chris. He smiled at me, and switched his bag from his left shoulder to his right. He looked less tired than usual, and his eyes were bluer than ever. I wanted to ask him about yesterday, but I knew I had to keep my mouth shut. What if Chris didn't want to date me? What if it was just caught up in the heat of the moment that was that? What if it had meant nothing at all, he just needed someone to help him escape. I wondered all of these things, but I just couldn't bring myself to voice them aloud.  
  
"Hey," I said. I glanced at his lip—the wound healing. "How's that cut of yours holding up?"  
  
Chris looked at me and grinned, lightly touching the corner of his mouth. I saw his wrist had a new scratch on it and I wondered momentarily who had caused that, but decided I'd ask him about it later. I knew he didn't want to be pestered about his beatings—I knew his father was the one responsible. Though asking whether he was okay or not wouldn't change a thing, it'd make him know that I did care for him. A lot.  
  
"It's doing much better," Chris said, unable to wipe the smirk off his face. I quirked an eyebrow and turned to my locker to continue gathering all the books I would need for the better half of the day. My locker was a mess—it was due for a cleaning sooner or later. I preferred the later, so as I snatched my algebra book from the depths of the locker, I snapped it shut quickly so I wouldn't have to deal with the guilty feeling of cleaning it out. I turned to Chris and sighed.  
  
"That's good," I said, unsure of what else to say. I was afraid the awkwardness would come up and that was the last thing I wanted—I couldn't go through with being awkward with my best friend. Nothing should change between us now that he knew I harbored feelings for him...he should know that. "What are you up to?" I cursed myself for lack of a better conversation-starter. Conversations weren't my strong point, but with Chris they seemed natural, I never had to think about them. All of a sudden I was nervous and couldn't think straight—again, that power he held over me, so frightening and exciting.  
  
Chris grinned and I couldn't take it anymore—this was the second person that was eccentrically happy and I had no idea as to why. I arched and eyebrow and placed my books under my left arm.  
  
"Alright," I said, very curious as to know exactly why he was so happy. "What in the hell are you so happy about?"  
  
Chris snickered and I glared my eyes—but he didn't stop grinning. What was with the boy? One minute he was so happy, the next minute he was like a storm ready to unleash its' fury. The boy was moodier than a girl during her time of month, and that says a lot for male PMS. We started to walk down the hallway and I tried to ignore the furtive glances that were being shot my way—half of disgust, half of jealousy. Most of the girls passing were either pissed I was with Chris because they loved him, or disgusted that he would stoop so low. Then there were the other guys and girls—just hating Chris in general, never getting over the trailer trash label. I had definitely gotten used to it over the years—the looks and whispers that followed Chris everywhere eventually disappeared to my ears and I was unaffected by their petty ignorance.  
  
"You know," Chris began, as we turned the corner. "I'm not really sure why I'm happy. I just am. Oh wait, I know why." He smirked here and I rolled my eyes. "The dance is tomorrow night."  
  
I looked at him, disgust evident on my face. It was one thing for a one dimensional, small minded girl to be overly excited for some pathetic dance that was just an excuse for kids to feel shitty—but for Chris Chambers to actually be excited, that was quite another. How could he be so excited over this dance? I was dreading it—I knew I'd have to go, however. My mom would force me and the guys would talk me into it. I knew I'd have a horrible time though, that was for sure. I didn't dance, I spoke to not one girl besides Mary Louise, and I doubted she wanted anything to do with me after the break up. And I was NOT in the mood to hang out with the only people I was friends with—the guys. They turned so different during the dances...horny, immature creatures. I knew I was definitely not going to have a fun time. For one, I didn't even have a date.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" I scoffed. "You have got to be kidding me. How can you be excited for a dance? They are...oh God; I don't even know what the hell they are."  
  
Chris laughed and I glared at him. He stopped laughing but a smirk adorned his face and I couldn't help but get little butterflies once again. It was just him—he always made me have butterflies in my stomach. It was a giddy, funny sensation that I wish wouldn't ever come, but at the same time I wished it would last forever.  
  
"You know," Chris started. I looked over at him, an eyebrow raised. "Christy Bloom freaked out on me when I told her I wasn't going to the dance with her anymore. She absolutely freaked, saying what a 'player' I was, how she'd never forgive me. I had to try and not laugh. And all you do is insult me, when I ditched her for you."  
  
I smirked and crossed my arms. "Player, eh? Right...wait—you ditched her for me? Why?"  
  
Chris sighed and looked at me. "Well, you're my date for the dance, aren't you?"  
  
I grinned. "Hell yes, what do you take me for?"  
  
Chris smirked and kissed me quickly before saying good bye and turning the corner for his class. My heart momentarily ceased beating—several people in the hallway gaped at the exchanged and I heard some girls cursing under their breath. I laughed nonetheless throughout this—I was probably the happiest girl alive in Castle Rock.  
  
~ * ~ * ~  
  
I never was one to like colliding into people, and I never was one to like being flown backward in the middle of a hallway. But as I rushed to my locker before the bell rang signaling the end of the day, I turned a corner and ran directly into Vern Tessio.  
  
Now, Vern Tessio was always a bit daft, empty headed, but overall he meant well and was a genuinely sweet guy. Everyone always knew him as 'Vern- O' or 'Chubbster' but over the years of high school, the sixteen year old Vern had matured quite a bit—both mentally AND physically. His fat had long been shed and he stood tall, broad shouldered and lean. His blue eyes made many a girl melt and you couldn't help but laugh at his naive nature. Surprisingly, Vern had become quite popular...his true friends were still Chris, Gordie, and Teddy, but just as high school goes, people find their own way. He would never forget those times during the summer with those three boys in the tree house, but everyone had grown up since then and made their way. He mostly hung out with the popular guys and girls, mainly because you couldn't help but love him. But whenever he really needed someone to talk to, to understand him, he'd know where to find Chris and Gordie and Teddy. They were his childhood buddies—his friends. And though most of his 'popular' friends didn't really like Chris or Gordie or even Teddy, Vern never cut them up and always defended them. Vern really was one of a kind.  
  
But right now his lean body didn't feel too lean. He collided head on into me, sending my five foot four frame to the ground, while his own six foot frame towered over me. He looked down at me, amusement evident in his eyes and his lips upturned in a lopsided grin.  
  
"Sorry Lark," he said, stooping down to help me up. "Man, you should have seen you. You went flying! I think you knocked down that freshman chick back there—oh man that was so boss!"  
  
I grinned despite my agitated mood and grabbed my bag which had been thrown over my head. "Hello Vern."  
  
He grinned and we began walking down the hall. "So, how's it been going Lark? I haven't talked to you for a long time."  
  
I rolled my eyes and looked at him questionably. "I just talked to you in third block!" I laughed and he smirked.  
  
"Oh yeah," he said, laughing too. "Hmm, interesting."  
  
I shook my head as we turned another corner and when a sophomore girl with long black hair giggled at Vern and blushed when he waved, I couldn't help but bust out laughing. Vern looked down at me and glared, but I couldn't stop laughing.  
  
"Oh Vern!" I said mockingly. "You take my breath away! Oh Vern, father my children! Oh Vern!" I pretended to giggle and blush and wave just the same with the sophomore did. Vern rolled his eyes and shoved me away as I stumbled into a wall, bursting out once again with laughter.  
  
"Quite the stud, you are," I commented. Vern shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets.  
  
"I can't help my irresistible-ness."  
  
I frowned, but burst out in laughter once again. I always did like Vern—you couldn't help but like the crazy guy. He'd always make you smile even if you'd had the shittiest day, and he had this way of making your life seem like it was worth something. I sighed to myself...I was so lucky to have friends like Vern, Gordie, Chris and Teddy. They were my best friends, and I loved them all, and I wouldn't trade them in for the world.  
  
"Sooo," I said, sighing as we stopped at my locker. I began undoing the lock. "Who's the lucky lady you're bringing to the dance tomorrow night?"  
  
Vern sighed and leaned against the locker beside mine. He looked at me and grinned. "Chamaine Thops."  
  
I arched an eyebrow. "No shit!"  
  
Vern laughed. "I'm serious. I asked her a week ago."  
  
I smiled, suddenly so happy for my friend. "Awww Vern! You've loved her for like ever! Yay!" I couldn't stop smiling...I really was happy for him. He'd been in love with Chamaine ever since I could remember, but she'd always just been his friend. I laughed at the irony of it all—I knew what it felt like to be in Vern's position.  
  
"And," Vern continued, looking at me happily, his eyes twinkling. "Don't think I don't know about you and Chambers. Did you really think you could keep it from me for that long?"  
  
I blushed and smiled sheepishly. "Oops. Sorry I forgot. I mean, it only happened yesterday!"  
  
Vern laughed and tousled my hair good naturedly. "Awwe Lark, I love ya. I got to go though or I'll miss my bus. I'll talk to you tomorrow."  
  
I smiled happily at him and patted him on the shoulder. "See you Vern- o."  
  
I watched him walk away and sighed. I quickly gathered my things from my locker and hurried out the door—I would miss my bus too if I didn't hurry.  
  
~ * ~ * ~  
  
[Hello everyone. That was kind of a nothing chapter, nothing really happened. It was just there to connect to the next chapter, the Dance. *googles!* hell hath no fury what shall happen at the dance!! W00t-wo0t! Review everyone :) I swear, I live by me' reviews. Oaky, well I'll talk to you crazy kids later. Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl. PS~*thanks to all the reviews as usual. Much kudos!!] 


	18. AN

~*Author Note*~  
  
I think I'm gonna take a little break from this story; I just need to figure some things out. I've lost my inspiration, so before I update I need to get back on track. I'll come back to this story soon though, once I get my ideas and whatnot sorted out. I should be updating in no more than 2 weeks, 3 weeks at the most. Don't give up on me though! My reviewers/readers are what keep me going. Sadly, I've lost one of my best reviewers, and it's just thrown me all off whack. But don't worry, I'll be back before you can say Happy Easter!  
  
Until next, The Good Girl ~*Love & Strawberries*~  
  
p.s. You can email me anytime if you have anything to say to me, my e- mail's in my bio. :) 


	19. Space

After school that day as I was lying down on my bed, I tired to figure out where I went right in life. Where I suddenly became so deserving of what I got, and how on earth I ever thought for a second that I had a horrible life and couldn't take it. Was this what it always felt like to be in love? Was it love? Was it?  
  
I grinned as I closed my eyes and saw Chris' smiling face. Maybe it was love, maybe just an infatuation, I didn't know. But all I knew was that I loved him, loved him so pure and strongly that I knew I would die before hurting home. And it didn't matter to me if he felt the same way or not—no. But knowing that he was a part of me now, my love, my life, which was everything to me. I was young; sixteen is such a tender age to say that love is love. For in ten years love would be a whole new ball game...but I knew that in that moment, in that one pure moment, I called myself in love, and I had no regrets whatsoever.  
  
The 'drip dropping' of rain pelted my windows and I scrunched my face, trying to block out the noise. Though it was somewhat relaxing, all I wanted to do was be with Chris, I wanted him here with me to have and to hold. I missed his touch and it had barely been a few hours since I last saw him. I suppose this whole 'dating your best friend' kind of thing was new to both of us, and I was somewhat frightened by the prospect. Of course I knew we wouldn't last forever...eventually we'd break up; it was a part of life. Rarely, oh so very rarely, did two people fall in love so far that they never tired of one another. But I didn't care...as long as Chris and I were together now, I could care less what the future should bring to my twisted love life.  
  
I began to fall asleep as the hours drifted far away and I don't know what woke me up—but at two in the morning I heard a light scraping against my big windows and I groaned into my pillow. Who on earth could be bothering me so late? I wondered momentarily if it was Chris and his father had gotten bad again—but the night was dark and unmerciful to my vision. I groggily and most reluctantly sat up in my bed, my sight blurry and sleepy. I let out a long yawn and frowned as the tapping and scraping continued against my window.  
  
Gently pulling back my long hair and piling it atop of my head, I yawned once again and grimaced—how I waited waking up in the middle of the night. Whoever was outside of my window had better have a good reason...but then panic settled onto me. What was out there? Was it safe? I shook this paranoid thoughts from my mind and shrugged it off—I doubted anyone wanted to waste their time murdering me...I wasn't worth that much.  
  
I pulled back my blankets and the quilt that adorned my body at night and tiptoed slowly to the window, squinting and trying to make out my night intruder. My oversized T-shirt fell to my knees and I shivered...it was quite crisp outside and I felt pity for whoever called upon my home. The floorboards of my bedroom creaked as I made my way over to the window and I gasped when I saw it was Chris, looking more exhausted and beat then I had ever seen him in my life.  
  
I felt momentarily frozen for a split second and watched him look at me, white as a ghost and looking so much older than his seventeen years of age. I frowned and quickly ran over to my window, pulling it open as fast as I could and helping his limp body into my room. He was breathing unevenly and his hair was unkempt, his eye was steadily swelling and his lip abhorred several cuts. I helped him over to my bed and sat him there, looking into his innocence-ridden blue hues and I felt like I wanted to cry. Who could ever hurt him so?  
  
"Chris," I breathed softly, forcing him to look into my eyes. I caressed his face softly, trying to get him to look at me. He finally looked weakly at me and I was afraid he might pass out all together. "Chris...Chris listen to me. What happened?"  
  
I thought I saw tears but it may have been the heavy rain taking its toll on Chris' face. He looked sadly at me and swallowed, looking as if the effort caused him pain and took most of his energy. He looked so strained and his windbreaker was soaked through and through. I quickly unzipped the soaked jacket and threw it on the floor, wanting him to be as warm as possible.  
  
"Chris," I said, this time more forcefully. He needed to talk to me. I wouldn't let him be quiet. "Look at me."  
  
I knelt in front of him, trying to get him to talk to me. Finally, he closed his eyes softly. "I—my dad...you know...same old...but...this time, Lark, this time..." he paused for a shaky breath and coughed. "it's raining out...he won't let me back in, you know how he is...told me to come back in the morning."  
  
I wanted to scream, I wanted to run to Chris' home and strangle Mr. Chambers around the neck until his eyes were bulging out and he couldn't breathe anymore. I wanted to kill him, slow and painful. How could he ever hurt Chris? How could anyone? I'd die a thousand deaths before I let someone hurt Chris Chambers.  
  
"Chris," I repeated for the third time. "You can stay here tonight. But you have to change out of these clothes."  
  
Chris sighed tiredly and laid back on my bed and I found myself not caring at all that he was soaking my bed sheets. He needed to get to sleep.  
  
"You need some sleep," I said, standing up and crawling to where he laid on my bed. He looked up at me tiredly and frowned.  
  
"I can't fall asleep now," he said, his voice uneven and raspy. "I'm so tired."  
  
I strained a grin and gently ran my fingers against his face. "You need to fall asleep."  
  
He coughed and buried his face into his hands. I sighed and looked away—how I wanted to be there for him in so many ways...but I felt so useless and vulnerable. I pried his hands away from his face and kissed his lips gently. He grinned tiredly at me and I laid my head down next to him.  
  
Chris yawned softly and I frowned. He looked at me. "I hate him."  
  
I was suddenly taken aback by his suddenness and forwardness. I looked up at him and nodded. "I know...I know."  
  
Chris gently brought my face down and met my lips with his, caressing the side of my face with his thumb. I sighed into the kiss, never wanting it to end, yet knowing Chris needed his sleep and I felt guilty, as if I was taking that away from him. I pulled away and he looked down at me, a frown slowly shadowing his beautiful features.  
  
"You need to sleep Chris," I said. "You're going to get so sick."  
  
Chris smirked and I didn't quite know how he managed it. He kissed me, this time more passionately and I couldn't resist—how could I? He slipped his arms around me and covered my body with his. I was amazed by the strength he managed...I supposed many nights of his father's rage had made him stronger. He kissed me and I was breathless, blown away. Slowly and gently, he covered every inch of my body with his, and began to venture his lips down my neck and paused at my collarbone. I felt my arms reach up over him and gently pull his shirt off, letting my fingers trail over his back feeling the scars his father had put there.  
  
I suppose he didn't need sleep as much as I thought that night after all.  
  
~*~*~  
  
[It feels good to update again. Review please!! How'd you guys like this chapter? Was it corny? Forward? I thought it needed to happen...it was something I wanted to happen. Something beautiful that took me forever to type into the right words. Anyways, why don't you all review now and make me one happy little girl? Rrright...I'll shut up now. Anywho, it's good to be back!! Love & Strawberries, The Good Girl.] 


	20. Ahh, the morning after

If it's one thing I would have never dreamt about in a million years, it would have been waking up in Chris's arms. And that, my friends, is just what happened. I gently fluttered my eyes open and yawned, as daylight flooded into my bedroom. My face was warm and I grinned to myself, not really sure why I felt so tingly inside and why there was a happy buzz in my ears. As I began to wake up some more, it all was made clear. Chris had his arms around my bare waist, holding me. I felt his steady breathing against my back, and his naked chest against me gave me butterflies. I grinned to myself, feeling somewhat embarrassed and giddy as I remembered the previous night's events. Never in a million years would I have guessed that was what was going to happen.  
  
I looked at my alarm clock and all the happiness drained out of me instantly—school started in less than an hour and I was going to be late! Scratch that, we both were going to be late. I shot up in bed, covering myself with my blankets. I whipped my head around toward my door—I could only pray that my parent's or sibling's wouldn't walk in on me...they usually never did but I couldn't help but feel a little disturbed. I jumped out of my bed, slid on my over-sized T-shirt and ran to the door, locking it and breathing fast. I looked back to Chris, who was sleeping soundly...he looked so angelic. His hair was messier than usual and he looked so innocent.  
  
I quickly ran back over to him and carefully caressed his scratched face. He really needed to wake up or we were going to be in serious trouble...not to mention I had to try and find away to sneak him out without my parent's knowledge.  
  
"Chris?" I said soundly.  
  
Chris's eyes fluttered open and he grinned gently, stretching out his body. He looked into my eyes and gently ran his hand across my cheek. I felt my stomach become infested with butterflies and I couldn't help but grin in return.  
  
"Morning," he said quietly. "Er—what time is it?"  
  
I smirked and stood up. "It's six forty-five. We gotta get a move on or else we'll be late...plus you need to climb out my window or else my parents will kill both you and me."  
  
Chris smirked and sat up. He reached down and searched for his pants. I blushed and looked away—despite having just made love to one another—I couldn't help but look away as his slid his pants on and stood there shirtless. Pretty ironic, huh? Chris laughed when he saw me looking away. I just glared at him and began to make my bed.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower," I said, throwing Chris his wind breaker which had dried overnight. "I'll be out soon...just wait for me here and then we'll leave for school."  
  
Chris nodded. "Whatever you say." He plopped down on my bed. "I'm hungry—can't I go down and get something to eat?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Right...and what do you 'spect my parents would say? 'oh Chris here's a seven course meal, no worries that you just strolled out of our daughter's room at seven o'clock in the morning.'" Chris laughed and shrugged.  
  
"Fine, just leave me here to starve..."  
  
I shook my head and grabbed some clothes from my drawer. "You'll live...I'll be back soon."  
  
~*~*~  
  
I quickly exited the bathroom, checking down the hallway to see if anyone was coming. I heard movement downstairs and my dad's car pull out of the driveway. Good, one down...one parental unit to go. Then there was Danny...I could only pray he wouldn't kill Chris if he found him in my room.  
  
I opened my bedroom door slowly and quickly entered the room, shutting and locking it immediately. I turned around and grinned when I saw Chris fast asleep on my bed. He looked so exhausted and innocent and...beautiful. I couldn't help but blush...I felt so unbelievably lucky it was kind of crazy but at the same time so amazing.  
  
"Chris," I called, not bothering to be gentle or low. We really did have to get a move on if we wanted to make it to first period on time...forget homeroom, we'd never make it there. "Come on, we're gonna be late."  
  
He grumbled something and rubbed his eyes. "Can't I just stay here?"  
  
I smirked and grabbed my bag from my closet. "Sure, but you'll be marked absent. Come ON, we already missed the bus, we're stuck walking. Hurry—go through my window."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow as he sat up. "Are you sure we really have to climb down that tree?"  
  
I sighed. "If you don't want to get caught we do...now hurry up! I don't feel like getting a detention for being late."  
  
Chris rolled his eyes and unlatched my window. He slid his lanky body onto a branch of the tree and began climbing down. I bit my lip—I'd never climbed down the tree before, there was never any need to. I unlocked my bedroom door, and then made my way over to the window. I looked down at Chris, who had his hands in his pockets and was leaning against the trunk of the old tree.  
  
"Uhh—be right down," I called. I threw my bag down and he caught it. I sighed...I'd have to do this sooner or later. I carefully stuck my foot on the branch. My heart began to speed up. I gently climbed down the tree, my eyes tightly closed the whole time. I was only one more foot away from the ground when I missed a branch and went tumbling down to the lawn.  
  
"Oof," I grumbled, rubbing my shoulder.  
  
Chris laughed and helped me up, handing me my bag. "Don't do that too often, eh?"  
  
I glared at him and slung my bag over my shoulder. The bright sun warmed me and the blue sky made everything seem okay. I grinned...despite the load of shit that was going on throughout my fucked up life, I could always seek refuge in the sunlight.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
I smirked and looked over to Chris who was watching me with an amused expression on his face.  
  
"What does it look like I'm doing, asshole?" I said, blinking a few times and squinting when the sun became so strong I had to look away and I saw stars. "I'm enjoying the fresh air.  
  
"You're a retard," Chris commented, laughter bubbling out of him. He sighed. "Man, I'm so tired."  
  
I blushed and looked away as we turned the street. Of course he was tired...he only slept, what, maybe two hours? I giggled and then slapped myself on the forehead...what was becoming of me? I. Did. Not. Giggle.  
  
"Man, we are going to be so late," I said as we walked up the steps to our High School. There were a few last minute wanderers around, getting a smoke before first period.  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow as we entered the old school and made our way to my locker. "You need to just relax. Who cares if we're late?"  
  
I grumbled. "That's easy for you to say...you have Chem first period! I have American Studies...shudders!"  
  
Chris snickered as I opened my locker and dumped my bag into it. He leaned against the locker next to mine and sighed. I looked up at him and frowned. His lip was really swelling and his eye was becoming darker and darker by the second. My hand automatically traced his cut lip. He looked down at me, first surprised and startled, then relaxed and relieved. I just kept looking at him, wanting to take in all I could before I had to go to my class. Chris leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips...and that little kiss kept me breathless throughout the whole day.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"What the hell are you so happy about?"  
  
I glared at Gordie as I sat across from him at the library. Once again, I had found him in the cozy place after second period. He raised his eyebrows suspiciously and began to scribble his English homework on a sheet of loose-leaf.  
  
"I'm not happy."  
  
Gordie rolled his eyes and didn't look up. "Bull shit. You're all blush-y and you're like freaking glowing."  
  
I frowned and pulled out my history book. "I—er—it's nothing. Nothing at all."  
  
Gordie stopped writing and looked me dead in the face. "Oh. My. God. You and Chambers did 'it' didn't you?!"  
  
I looked up at him dead in the face also. "Oh. My. God. You just sounded like a total fag."  
  
Gordie glared at me, and then stopped writing. "You did have sex, didn't you?"  
  
I immediately blushed and I couldn't help it—I was so not used to these kinds of things. I couldn't look him in the eyes...  
  
"Err..." I started, and I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't face Gordie! It was too much. Gordie, however, found this quite amusing and began to chuckle.  
  
"HA! You did...oh man you are so red. Hehe..." I could have slapped Gordie if I had wanted to, but I decided to keep my hands to myself. It felt weird to be talking to him about this kind of thing—usually girls talked about this. Figures, with me I'd be discussing my sex life with Gordie LaChance. Too ironic. Wait—I didn't have a sex life! What was I saying—oh God there goes the blushing again...ohh make it stop, make it stop!  
  
"SHHH!" I hissed at Gordie. "Stop—I really don't feel like talking about this...it's so embarrassing!"  
  
Gordie held up his hands and shook his head. "Trust me, you think I want to? Okay—let's...erm...move on. Hey, the dance is tonight!"  
  
My stomach dropped. I had completely forgotten. Wonderful...just what I needed. Man, I really did not feel like going to some dance...for one, I don't dance, and for a second that meant getting dressed up and I didn't do that either. I frowned.  
  
"I totally forgot," I muttered. "Ugh...do I have to go?"  
  
Gordie shrugged. "No, you don't have to go. No one's making you."  
  
I arched an eyebrow. Hm. "That's true...heh. I'll just...not go."  
  
"Bbbuuuttt," Gordie drawled. "Chris goes to all the dances, so I'm sure he'll drag you to this one."  
  
I groaned and looked away. Of course Chris loved dances...he was just like that. A chance to show off his appeal and make every girl swoon over him in a twenty foot radius. And me...ha, I'll be his lag dog following him around like a lost puppy. Wonderful.  
  
"I really don't want to go," I said after a short pause. "Like, I mean REALLY don't want to go. Like it's a burning passion to NOT go—"  
  
Gordie smirked. "OKAY! I get it...you don't want to go. Just tell Chris that...er...I'm sure he'll understand."  
  
I frowned. "Right...sure."  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Err Chris, I don't want to go to the dance."  
  
Chris looked at me with amused eyes as he took a sip from his pop. The lunchroom was oddly empty that day—almost every junior who was going to the dance that night decided to skive off the rest of the day for preparations. It was just me, Gordie, Chris, Gordie's date forget her name, and a few other of our friends. I sat across from Chris wringing my hands nervously...Gordie was next to me talking to his date person and was totally absorbed in her. Typical.  
  
"Why not?" Chris asked.  
  
I bit my lip. "Because—because I just don't want to. I don't like dances."  
  
Chris smirked. "Okay, we don't have to go."  
  
I looked up in surprise and I raised my eyebrows. "W-wait, what? You can't just do that! I was ready for a fight...you can't just agree like that! Don't you want to go to this dance? Isn't it important to you?"  
  
Chris laughed. "It's just a dance Lark."  
  
I frowned. "Oh no, it's not just a dance! This is like what you live for, isn't it? Come on, tell me it is!"  
  
Chris shrugged and put his hands on the table. "Lark, it's just a dance."  
  
I sighed. "Then we will go."  
  
Chris shrugged. "Okay then."  
  
I grumbled. "How can you just change your mind like that? It's just a dance, we don't have to go!"  
  
Chris looked at me in amused confusion and laughed. "I don't care if we go or not, whatever you want to do. I just want to be with you tonight, k?"  
  
I blushed and couldn't help but smile. "Okay," I said happily. Awww, Chris was so cute. Sigh. "We can go. I mean, it's high school right? These are the best times of our lives, right?"  
  
Chris laughed. "Whatever you say."  
  
~*~*~  
  
[yays, I updated. Woohoo, and it feels GREAT!! Thanks to all me reviewers!! I love you guys!! You keep me writing. Sigh. Review, and I hope you enjoyed that chappie!! Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl.] 


	21. mmm dances

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"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."  
  
–Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed.  
  
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"LUCY!!! LLLLuuuuuucccccccccyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy where are you?!"  
  
I banged on my sister's bedroom door until she opened with an irritated expression etched along her usual lovely features.  
  
"What the hell is it?" she snapped, obviously quite irritated with me. I smirked.  
  
"I need your help," I said, moving her aside from the entrance to her bedroom and flopping down on her bed. She had her stereo on and her homework was thrown on her desk in the corner. I arched an eyebrow. "How can you listen to music AND do your homework...you freakazoid."  
  
Lucy rolled her eyes and sat back down at her desk, her blonde her shimmering as she moved. I immediately began to feel a pang of jealousy, but remembered my reason for coming. The dance was in exactly three hours and if I wanted to look SOME what presentable, I needed all the help I could get.  
  
"Why do you need my help?" Lucy asked. She sounded bored and I sighed, sitting up on her bed.  
  
"My dance is tonight and I ...erm...I need you to help me get ready," I finished lamely, blushing. "You know all about that girly stuff..."  
  
Lucy turned around in her chair and raised her eyebrows, then burst out laughing much to my annoyance. "Wait—you're actually going to the Junior Dance? WHY?"  
  
I frowned and chucked a pillow at her head. "Is it really that big of a deal? I'm going with Chris!"  
  
Lucy smirked. "Ooh, Chris huh? Ha, I knew you guys were dating...plus I heard you talking to him this morning in your bedroom...you know if mom would have found him there she would have KILLED you."  
  
I immediately blushed and glared at her. "Well she didn't, did she? Listen, are you going to help me or not because you're wasting my time and I could be doing something more productive..."  
  
Lucy rolled her eyes and put her pen down. "Of course I'm going to help you...what do you take me for? Do you really think I'd let my sister go to a dance looking the way you do?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "How very thoughtful of you."  
  
Lucy stood up and moved towards me. She let out an irritable sigh.  
  
"This is going to take a lonnnnnnnnnng time, sister."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Ahhh! What are you doing to me? Owoowowow, stop that it hurts!"  
  
Lucy glared at me as she yanked back a stray curl that had fallen out of the up thingy she had done to my hair. I glared as tears of pain filled my eyes.  
  
"You're killing me, you know that?"  
  
Lucy just laughed and stuck one last bobby pin in my hair. "Geez, relax, I'm finished. There, take a look in the magic mirror and bow before thy wonderful hair master."  
  
I glared at her before standing before her vanity. I had to admit, I looked pretty nice—well my hair did at least. It wasn't fancy or anything, just all my curls pulled together on top of my head.  
  
"Thanks," I muttered, blushing slightly. I wasn't used to wearing my hair pulled up. "It looks...nice."  
  
Lucy scoffed. "Are you kidding? It's great...of course I did it but you know...now for your make up."  
  
I widened my eyes. "Make up? Oh, no, sorry. Some blush and I'm set to go. Sorry me and make up don't get along too good Luce."  
  
Lucy rolled her emerald eyes. "I don't care, you're wearing some...come on Lark, just a little teensy bit?"  
  
I frowned. "Only a little, little, little, little, little—"  
  
Lucy smirked. "Okay I get the idea...now hold still...do you want to look like a clown for Chris, hm?"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I wanted patiently on my couch in the living room for Chris to get there with Gordie and his date...yep still forget her name. I looked apprehensively at the clock...the dance started into ten minutes. I wasn't keen on being punctual, in fact, it was quite the opposite. I wanted to be as late as possible—once again, I hated dances. Hated them with the utmost passion.  
  
Danny laughed at my nervous state. "Chill out kiddo, it'll be fine."  
  
I glared at him. "That's easy for you to say! You had a great time at your Junior Dance."  
  
Danny smirked and popped a chip into his mouth as he sat on the armchair next to me. "At least Mom's not here to take like a bunch of pictures..."  
  
I frowned. "Yeah, where is she anyway?"  
  
Danny shrugged. "At work, like always. Dad's got another late night at the office."  
  
I sighed, relief. Good, no parents to worry about. I frowned...really, where was Chris and Gordie and...oh man I really needed to remember her name sooner or later.  
  
"Danny," I said. "If I don't like the dance can you come pick me up?"  
  
Danny looked questionably at me. "Doesn't Chris drive?"  
  
I nodded and cracked my knuckles. "Yeah, but we're taking Gordie's truck and he's not gonna want to leave..."  
  
Danny smirked at me and sighed. "Sure, just phone here, okay?"  
  
I nodded, feeling somewhat better. I knew that Chris would walk me home if I really wanted to leave, but it felt somewhat better to know that if I really hated the dance, I could get home somehow.  
  
I was just starting to think of plans in my head of escape from this whole dance deal when there was a knock at the door. I couldn't help but jump and Danny laughed at this.  
  
I quickly got up and opened the door, and grinned with relief when Chris was standing there grinning at me warmly. He looked even more beautiful than usual, and I wanted to hold him forever and never let him go. He looked so innocent and pure standing there grinning at me, looking at me like I was the only girl his eyes could see. And that power he held over me—that power was so beautiful and mysterious that I couldn't help but be blown away yet again.  
  
"Ready?" He asked, taking my hand. I shrugged.  
  
"Ready as I'll ever be..."  
  
"You two crazy cats behave yourselves now!" Danny shouted from the couch. I gave him the finger before letting myself be led into Gordie's car.  
  
"You know Lark," Gordie began as I climbed in the back seat next to Chris. Gordie's date was in the front next to him...shit, what's her freaking name? "You should dress like a girl more often."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Gordie."  
  
Gordie laughed and so did his date much to my dismay. I leaned over to Chris who was looking out of the window.  
  
"What's her name again?" I whispered, pointing to the girl in the front seat who was busy chatting away with Gordie.  
  
Chris smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "How the hell do I know? Never seen the girl in my life..."  
  
I giggled and sighed, leaning back on the seat. Chris looked at me, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.  
  
"Hey," he said softly. "You okay? I told you we don't have to go if you really don't want to..."  
  
I shook my head and wrung my hands together like I always did when I was nervous. "I'm fine...you know how I hate these stupid dance thingys..."  
  
Chris nodded and gently took my hand in his. I looked down and grinned to myself—my hand looked so much smaller and tinier when it was held by his. I looked up into his eyes and sighed. He grinned reassuringly at me, and then looked out the window, keeping my hand firmly, but gently, in his own.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
The music was surprisingly decent as we entered the crowded gymnasium. I held on to Chris' hand for dear life as we followed Gordie and his date Jenny, (yes, I finally remember her name) through the crowds of dancing couples. Chris looked down at me, amusement evident in his blue hues.  
  
"I'm not gonna lose you or something, you don't have to squeeze my hand so tight," he said chuckling. I blushed and smacked his arm playfully.  
  
"It's just so crowded!" I yelled over the music. "And not to mention hot!"  
  
Chris rolled his eyes and tugged my hand slightly. "Come on...let's get out of the crowd the, eh?"  
  
I nodded happily and we walked off to where Gordie and Jenny were standing in an empty space in the front of the gym where other people were standing too. Gordie turned to us.  
  
"Well, me and Jenny are going to go dance, see you guys later." With one last smile, he took Jenny's hand and the couple weaved their way into the heated mass of mostly intoxicated students. I watched him with amusement in his eyes.  
  
"I don't remember seeing Gordie this happy since before him and Mary Louise broke up," I said, watching Gordie and Jenny laugh and dance. It was nice and made me happy for my friend. Gordie was always so sad...he needed to loosen up more often.  
  
Chris nodded, turning to me. "Yeah, I know. Poor guy was heart broken over Mary Louise."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, but decided to not say anything. A few moments passed with silence and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable...it was not often that there were awkward silences between Chris and I. I looked over at him and it looked like he wanted to say something, but was debating on whether or not to. He caught my eye and grinned.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" I asked him, looking up into his eyes.  
  
Chris smirked that aged smirk, the smirk I secretly loved so much.  
  
"I'm thinking several things actually," Chris said, slightly amused. "I'm thinking that you look really beautiful tonight." I immediately blushed and he laughed. "But you already know that...and I'm also thinking how much fun it looks out there."  
  
I followed his gaze to the dance floor, and then reluctantly met his eyes. "You gotta be kidding."  
  
Chris shrugged and his eyes sparkled. I shook my head. "Is there anything else you're thinking about?" I tried, sounding hopeful.  
  
Chris laughed and I looked down. "Nope. Those are probably the main two...now come on!"  
  
Before I could protest, before I could do anything really, Chris grabbed a hold of my hand and pulled me toward the dance floor. I tried to stop, I tried to pull away, I really did, but the floor was slippery and Chris had a firm grip on my hand. He laughed and finally we were amongst the many dancing couples all around. I immediately felt light headed.  
  
"Come on, Lark!" Chris shouted over the music. He spun me around and I couldn't help but giggle.  
  
"Chris!" I shouted over the music as he spun me again. "I. DON'T. DANCE!" I couldn't help but laugh however as he began to dance with me. I couldn't help but have a good time with him. It was nice to see him so care free and innocent again—the way a seventeen year old guy should always be. I giggled as he spun me around again, my dress flaring out. I'd never felt so...happy. It was fun and innocent and so very high school dance like, I couldn't help but laugh. It was like a scene out of a movie.  
  
The song ended and I was breathless and my face was flushed. Chris grinned down at me and put his hands firmly around my waist as "I'll Be There" played slowly throughout the gymnasium. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck, loving how complete it felt. He held me close and I closed my eyes—never before enjoying a dance. I let my mind wonder to the night before and I smiled to myself. I felt so lucky, so blessed, to have Chris it was slightly frightening—I was so afraid that I would lose him, yet so amazed that he was in my arms. It was all so much, so many emotions I never knew I had.  
  
Chris looked down at me for a moment and frowned.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly. I looked up into his eyes and grinned.  
  
"Hmm...if only you knew," I teased. He smirked and kissed me softly, and that one kiss was enough to leave me breathless for the rest of the night...  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
I managed to get away from the crowd and bustle of the dance for a few moments, slipping into the Lady's Room. There were several girls crowded around the mirror all re-doing their hair, teasing it more, putting on more makeup, all that jazz. I coughed and gagged when the heavily coated perfume air reached my nostrils and several girls gave me dirty looks. I just smirked and made my way over to the farthest stall.  
  
I emerged several moments later, and just as I was lathering my hands up with soap, someone walked in who I hadn't been expecting to see ever again, as pathetic as that sounds.  
  
Mary Louise. She looked very pretty walking in, though something was wrong. She looked...tired, worn out, beat. Her face wasn't lively and her eyes didn't sparkle...she was just kind of...there. Nothing special, looking like everyone else in the eleventh grade. I frowned and turned around. She looked at me and grinned a strained grin.  
  
"Hey Lark," she said, coming over and leaning against the sink. "I haven't seen you in so long! How you been?"  
  
I immediately felt angry towards this girl—she had totally thrown our friendship away after the break up with Gordie. I thought we had been friends, and she made it feel like all our talks meant nothing and I was just Gordie's friend. I didn't stop frowning, and I senses Mary Louise become a tad bit uncomfortable.  
  
"I've been good," I said, not really showing any emotion. "How 'bout you?"  
  
Mary Louise shrugged and smiled nonchalantly, that distant smile she wore whenever something was wrong. "I've been...okay."  
  
I raised my eyebrows briefly and turned on the water faucet. I heard her shift uncomfortably then clear her throat.  
  
"Hey, I heard about you and Chris. Congratulations."  
  
I arched an eyebrow. "Oh you did, did you? From one of your bitch preppy friends, right? One of the many girls plotting my death, eh?"  
  
Mary Louise's eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, no. I just—well you know word gets around. I'm happy for you, Lark. I'm glad things worked out for you."  
  
I frowned and looked away as I dried my hands. Damn Mary Louise! She could always make you feel sorry for her! She was such a genuinely nice person...I never did know the full story as to her and Gordie's break up...and I guess I hadn't made it a point to go talk to her...oh geez...  
  
"Er—thanks..." I managed to mumble. Mary Louise looked sadly at me and nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, an old habit of hers.  
  
"Listen Lark," she began nervously. "I'm so sorry for these past few weeks...I've been so immature. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you and I'm sorry I ignored you."  
  
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms stubbornly—stubbornness was one of my many faults.  
  
Mary Louise grimaced and her composure faltered—but she carried on. "It's been hard, real hard lately. So man lies and rumors have been going around, saying that I hate Gordie and that I dumped him when we broke up mutually. And I was afraid to talk to you because...well I know how close you and Gordie are...and...well I was just afraid and I thought it would be all awkward!"  
  
By this point I was very uncomfortable—what do I say to that? How do I know she was even telling the truth? I sighed uneasily. I was really just too nice sometimes...  
  
"I should have talked to you," I muttered reluctantly. "It's not like I took time to go and talk to you...I'm sorry too."  
  
Mary Louise grinned hesitantly and wiped at her eyes. "Oh look at me," she sniffed, laughing. "I'm a mess."  
  
I frowned. "Why are you crying?"  
  
Mary Louise let out a shaky breath and grabbed some paper towels from the sink. "I—er—a bunch of stuff...I saw Gordie earlier and he looked so happy...so alive...and he was with Jenny Anders, and she's like freaking beautiful, and they looked so happy and she was making him laugh."  
  
"But you and Gordie break up mutually," I pointed out.  
  
Mary Louise shrugged. "Yeah, I know...it just made me sad because he never looked that way with me. I never made him light up like that, and I sure as hell never made him laugh. It just made me see myself as a person—and I didn't like what I saw..."  
  
I uncrossed my arms and walked cautiously up to her. "Awww, Marlou," I said sadly, using my nickname for her. "It's okay, you'll find someone who will love you for you, and you'll be happy. Gordie's just one guy out there—be happy that he found someone, but you'll find someone soon." I offered her a warm smile...this kind of thing was exhausting! It was tiring spitting out advice for other people, especially when I was the one who needed it!  
  
Mary Louise grinned and sniffed. "Thanks Lark...you always did have the best advice about this sort of thing."  
  
I snorted. "Right...and look how fucked up my love life is."  
  
Mary Louise laughed. "You've got Chris and you're like, in love. Shut up." I grinned and laughed good-naturedly. It was nice talking to Mary Louise again...as much as I hated to admit it, I missed the girl.  
  
Mary Louise grinned at me. "It was nice talking to you Lark, I don't want to lose you as my friend."  
  
I smiled. "You won't—not this time. Er—I'll see you later. Call me sometime, okay? Just because you and Gordie aren't together, doesn't mean we can't still be friends."  
  
Mary Louise nodded and grinned. I left the bathroom feeling oddly refreshed...it was disturbing, yes, and slightly corny, but it felt nice. I sighed and went to search for Chris.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Hey you," I said, coming up to Chris who was leaning against the wall just next to the refreshments. Chris arched an eyebrow at me and smiled.  
  
"What took you so long?" Chris asked amused. "Did you get lost?"  
  
I rolled my eyes and grinned. "Nope—I ran into someone though...a very interesting someone."  
  
Chris looked into the crowd and slipped his arms around me and I placed my hands gently on his shoulders. "Hm? And who is that?"  
  
I sighed. "Mary Louise. She was all crying and stuff...over Gordie."  
  
Chris raised his eyebrows, obviously surprised. "No shit?" he asked unbelievably. "Wow...I thought she dumped him."  
  
I shrugged. "Nope...I think she misses him. Poor girl should have seen here. So upset...at first I was mad though."  
  
"Why?" Chris asked.  
  
"Well she totally ignored me after they break up!" I said heatedly. "But you know Mary Louise...you just can't be mad at her...so we—er—made up I guess you could call it."  
  
Chris laughed. "Yeah, I always liked her best out of Gordies' girlfriends. She's just...a nice person. I don't like Gordie's date though...Janey or Jerry or something..."  
  
I snorted. "Jenny. Jenny Anders. I don't really know her—ahh and speak up of the devil..."  
  
Gordie and Jenny had just walked up to us, Gordie grinning softly and Jenny looking around us, not seeming at all interested.  
  
"The music sucks!" Jenny complained. I rolled my eyes and Chris smirked. Gordie rolled his eyes at me rolling my eyes. I smiled innocently up at him.  
  
"Hello Gordon," I said teasingly. "Enjoying yourself?"  
  
Gordie smirked. "Yes, actually I am. How about you?"  
  
I shrugged. "Yeah, better than I thought." I paused and leaned into his ear. "Hey, I need to talk to you later, okay?"  
  
Gordie looked questionably at me, but didn't further his inquiries, just nodded slightly. I nodded back, then grinned when Jenny noticed the exchange.  
  
"Gordie—want to go dance?" she asked, placing her hand in his. I scoffed.  
  
"You just said the music sucked," I pointed out. Jenny rolled her eyes.  
  
"Come on Gordie," she pressed. Gordie grinned and let him be led away.  
  
"I'll catch up with you two later!" he called as Jenny grabbed hold of his tie and pulled him into the crowd. I couldn't help but laugh—Gordie had the weirdest taste in girls.  
  
Chris looked down at me and sighed. "What do you say we leave early? I'm kind of hungry—and the food sucks. Let's go get something at the Blue Pointe."  
  
I smiled, happy to leave, but finding that I didn't have the worst night. "Okay! But you're buying."  
  
Chris scoffed. "Rrrright...you just keep telling yourself that sweetheart."  
  
~ ~ ~ 


	22. Hurt

The cool air whipped my face as Chris and I walked down the road towards my house. We'd decided to ditch the diner idea since both of us were short on cash and see what my fridge had in store for us. I was so happy to get out of that dance—sincerely. Though, I didn't have a bad time, actually I quite enjoyed myself, but I was never one for big crowds. They gave me headaches and smelled funny. I sighed and looked over to Chris...the gentle wind was playing with those wild locks of his and he had his hands stuffed in his pockets. His white dress shirt was rolled up at the sleeves to his elbows, and the first couple of buttons were undone. He literally took my breath away and I was frightened I'd never be able to breathe again.  
  
I'd never think in a million hundred years that I'd be walking beside Chris Chambers the way I was. I'd never in a million years guess that I'd fall so deeply in love with my best friend that it actually hurt to think about him, to actually want him so badly I'd feel like crying. I'd never think in a million years that I'd lose my one precious gift that could never be given back to him, to Chris Chambers, to my beautiful best friend that I loved with intensity enough to kill. I'd never even think that I, Lark O'Rielly, would be capable emotions...I'd never think that I was mature enough to handle a relationship so deep and strong as the one Chris and I shared. Oh God how I loved him so much, and he barely knew...  
  
That was just it. Did Chris know exactly how much I loved him? And what scared me the very most...what scared me so badly that I wanted to run away and cry, was...did Chris love me back? Sure, I knew he cared about me and loved me, but was he IN love with me? I'd wanted to tell him before that I loved him, oh how so many times I'd wanted to tell him, but that tiny stab of rejection haunted me each time the words etched up my throat...but they laid to rest inside my mouth. They'd never escape my lips—not anytime soon. But then...I had taken a chance by kissing Chris, which wasn't so long ago, although it felt ages. I'd risked years of friendship, I'd risked losing Chris himself...so how had we ended up together? And...and how did I know Chris wasn't using me for just a couple of good lays, and that was it? I began to panic, paranoid like I usually got when I was too far gone.  
  
I felt Chris turn and look at me, his eyebrow arched. I grinned and turned to him. He grinned at me.  
  
"You look deep in thought," he said softly. I nodded silently.  
  
"I like to think," I said smiling. "It helps."  
  
Chris arched an eyebrow. "Helps what?"  
  
I shrugged. "Have no idea...it just does. Mmm, I'm hungry...dances work up an appetite!"  
  
Chris laughed. "Oh yes, they just make me so hungry. No seriously, I'm starving, walk faster woman."  
  
I smirked as we turned the corner to my street. "Mmm, I can taste it now...waffles...icecream...mmm what bliss! What ecstasy!"  
  
Chris smirked and we hurried into my house, both about to collapse from lack of food. I always that it funny when Chris was hungry—he'd get all crazy and quirky...lack of energy to the brain I guess. We quickly entered my house and I was surprised to find Danny and some girl watching TV in the living room.  
  
"Shit, what time is it?" I whispered to Chris as we shut the door quietly. Chris glanced at his watch.  
  
"It's only quarter of eleven," he said. "The dance ends in an hour."  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "I could never stay that long! How did you do it all those other times you went to dances?"  
  
Chris shrugged and smirked. "Well I had dates that loved to dance."  
  
I punched him in the shoulder and he pretended to be hurt as we crept into the kitchen. My parent's and other siblings were asleep because I heard no noise coming from upstairs, so I figured they had hit the sack early. My kitchen was cold as we entered and I shivered a bit. It wasn't that cold out, but somehow my house was always freezing. I flicked on the light and kicked off my shoes...I always hated wearing shoes inside. It just made me feel all uptight...Chris was already going through my cabinet and I snorted.  
  
"Hmm," I said, opening my refrigerator. "What do you have in store for two hungry teenagers? Mmm, left over casserole...gack..." I opened the freezer and grinned when I found the strawberry ice-cream. "Yay! Strawberry ice-cream..."  
  
Chris popped in some waffles in the toaster for us and I sat down at the table, beginning to eat the ice-cream with a large spoon. I always was addicted to strawberry ice-cream. Chris sat down across from me and watched me with amused eyes.  
  
"Soooo," I said, once I had got something in my belly. I pushed the ice-cream box over to Chris who began to eat some. "That was more fun than I thought. Thank you."  
  
Chris looked up at me and grinned. "For what?"  
  
I shrugged. "Don't really know. Having a good time with me. I really did have a nice time—even with that whole Marlou run in."  
  
Chris snickered. "Yep, it was fun. I'm glad you came with me."  
  
I laughed. "Who else you think I'd go with?"  
  
Chris shrugged, that ghostly smile of his gracing his features. Once again, I was blown away. It was quite pathetic actually, how he could just smile and I'd just...melt. Whenever he smiled, or even when he just looked at me, I knew that I wanted to always take care of him, always be there for him no matter what. No matter what, I would be there for him, even if we weren't together, I'd still always be Lark, and Chris would always be my best friend, and we'd always laugh and tease each other, and bicker. And I'd always love him. Always.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Lark, you don't have to do this. I don't want you to do this. Please. Don't. Do. This."  
  
I looked at Chris, amused and worried all at the same time. "Chris, I don't mind...I know what to expect...please?"  
  
Chris sighed and looked at me as we stood on his front porch. He eyed me carefully and shook his head.  
  
"I'm warning you—I swear..."  
  
I shrugged helplessly. "Fine—if it's that serious, we don't have to...I just thought...you know, I don't know what I thought. I'll leave if you want, okay?  
  
Chris looked at me pained. I knew what he was facing each time he came home—that beast of a father that had so tortured the boy before me. I wanted to cry and scream and kill all at the same time for all the pain that Chris' father had caused him. I wanted to make it all go away for Chris—if I could, I would take all the pain, leaving Chris unharmed. I looked into his eyes, reassuring him that I would be there for him. I needed to be there for Chris when he went home.  
  
I understood why Chris didn't want me at his house—it was obvious. But I wanted to be there...I wanted to take the pain with Chris, he shouldn't be alone, and I didn't want him to be alone. All I wanted was to be with him for once, to let him know he didn't have to be afraid when he stepped into his home. He looked up at me, that innocent-aged look he gave me, like a little lost boy that wanted nothing more than to be held safely.  
  
"Fine," he finally sighed. "But you know what to expect—I don't know why you want to do this..."  
  
I sighed and looked sternly at him. "Listen to me Chris. You shouldn't have to be alone all the time—you shouldn't have to feel so worthless the way you do. You're not worthless. I'm trying to prove that to you—I...I care about you and I wish I could stop the pain."  
  
Chris shook his head, his complexion becoming clammy. "You can't do anything for me, Lark. It's the way he is—he hates me and that's that. I've become numb to it all—that's what I have to do. I've just become numb."  
  
"Chris," I said tiredly. "I want to go in there with you—I don't feel right leaving you to that. Leaving you to your doom. For Christ's sake, look at yourself! You look so...so lost, Chris! Don't—fine, come home with me, then, please? Just don't go in there alone!"  
  
Chris raked his hands through his hair. "I'm always alone in that hell hole! I've gone through this before, my old man's in there, probably cussing off my ma, and he'll see me and ask where the hell I was, and he'll...goddamn he'll hit me—and how do I know he won't fucking hit you too? It's not safe!"  
  
I felt tears come to my eyes and I swallowed them. I forced Chris to look at me. "Then don't go—please? Come with me, we can go for a walk or go to Gordie's or—"  
  
Chris shook his head sternly. "I've got to go, okay? My mom needs me. Please, Lark, you have to understand. I don't care about the beatings, the scars, anymore...I just...you wouldn't understand...I feel so guilty leaving my family to him..."  
  
I nodded, understanding, but wishing I didn't. I hated leaving him like this—that was why I wanted to go in with him in the first place. I wanted to be there for him...maybe I was just wrong. I was just being too naive—what was I thinking? I couldn't be there for someone who didn't want me there...but just the thought of leaving Chris to that...that monster made me want to cry.  
  
I looked down as tears began to fall down my face. "Chris...I—I just hate how you...how he...plea—"My voice cracked and I wiped vigorously at my eyes with embarrassment. I didn't want Chris seeing me like this—he had no idea how much it hurt me when he got hurt...if he even knew the pain it caused me to see his scars, or to see him fall apart every time he left for home, if he even knew the fucking half of it...I began to shake.  
  
"Please," I pleaded, looking up into his aged eyes. "Please don't go in there...I'm not saying this for me, I'm not being selfish...you deserve so much more than this Chris..."  
  
Chris gently held my shoulders and made me look into his eyes. "Lark, I'll be fine—I always am...I just need to be home to look after my mom and brothers and sisters...that's my job as the older brother...I can't let him hurt them so..."  
  
I cursed Chris for being so loyal and looked away. Perhaps I was being foolish...perhaps this all was some sick, fucked up dream that I needed so desperately for Chris to wake up. I opened my mouth to apologize, when we heard a crash from inside the house, then a muffled cry. Chris grimaced and I knew he needed to go in, but I was so scared for him.  
  
"I—I don't want you to get hurt anymore Chris," I said softly, crying weakly. "Please don't think I'm foolish for crying, I just hate seeing you like this!"  
  
Chris shook his head. "Lark, I have to go...I'll come by your house later okay? I'll call you, I promise."  
  
I nodded weakly and reluctantly turned to leave. Chris gently gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned and opened the door to go in. I quickly walked off the porch and held my breath when I heard Mr. Chambers begin to yell at his son, and I heard more crashes and cries, and the soft 'thud' of flesh hitting ground. I closed my eyes tightly and my breathing was unsteady. I didn't want to leave...I couldn't leave...but I knew Chris wouldn't want me to stick around. Slowly I began to walk away from Chris and I couldn't help but cry feebly. The boy I loved was getting hurt and all I could do was walk away...I'd never felt so helpless.  
  
And I'd never loved Chris more.  
  
~*~*~  
  
[Yes, this chapter was a bit awkward. The last part was meant to show how much Lark cares about Chris, but how little she can do to change what he goes through...it didn't come out exactly how I planned, but I didn't want Lark to come off selfish or cheesy. So please tell me if that was too cheesy or harsh...eeek feedback is gracious! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, though it was painful to write. Anyways...I'm thinking of how the story should end. Not too many more chapters left, but just enough. Anywho, review please and take care! Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl.] 


	23. The more or less half chapter

I'd never cared about someone or something as much as I cared about Chris, and the prospect was quite frightening. I'd never wished to take away someone's pain so much that it actually hurt and caused my heart pain. I'd never wanted to take care of someone, hold them, love them, as much as I wanted to care for, hold, and love Chris. I didn't know and wouldn't for a while longer just how strongly Chris felt about me, and the whole thing sent a chill through my body every time he smiled at me. I was afraid I was too far gone—there was no turning back. I felt that I could never love anyone besides him, and that feeling made me want to scream and cry, for I'd never had that feeling of vulnerability before. The power he held over me blinded me, though I was my own person, Chris was whom I loved so purely and genuinely.  
  
Sometimes I'd think of what things would be like had I not kissed Chris, had I not risked everything over pure lust of the moment. Would I constantly watch everything from the outside in, would Chris ever realize that he had feelings for me, would I just get over Chris, as if he was some stupid crush? I wondered what my life would be like, and wonder if I would have been better off that way. Falling too deeply in love seems to only have tragic outcomes, thus dooming my life for sure. Either that or I just had bad luck.  
  
But then how did Chris come into all this? Why had he suddenly opened his eyes to me? Had it been the kissed? Well of course it had, but why had he given us a chance? Why had I given us a chance? Loving him was inevitable—bound to happen sooner or later. But...loving me? Did he love me the way I loved him? The question haunted the inner depths of my soul but I shrugged it off casually. I didn't care if he didn't love me...I loved him and that was that. There was nothing to do about it. If he didn't love me, he didn't love me, but I would always love him. Always.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Gordie, why are you smiling so like an idiot?"  
  
Gordie glared at me but couldn't stop smiling nonetheless. He ran a hand through his hair as he balled up the newly fallen snow into one hand and threw it at me. I squealed and ran after him, only to have Chris intercept my jumping on top of Gordie and pinned me down in the snow. I giggled and closed my eyes tightly as the snow pierced my neck. Gordie laughed and came rushing over towards us, snow in his hands, holding it above my face. Chris pinned my arms over my head and crushed my body with his.  
  
"No!" I screamed, half laughing half dying. "Noooo! Don't! I won't call you an idiot again I promise! I can't help it that you smile queerly!"  
  
Gordie smirked and held the snow above my head, thoroughly enjoying my frightened state. Without a second to let me try and resist Chris' firm hold, he dumped the snow in my face, blinding me and causing me to scream out in fury. Chris grinned and let me go, only to have me jump on top of him.  
  
Gordie giggled and pushed me over, so I laid in the snow, which I felt falling into my pants. I growled but giggled all the same. How could anyone stay mad for long in the fresh snow? I really did love winter—probably more so than summer. It was weird, but I loved the cold—ha, ironic. I looked over at Chris who was lying beside me, head propped up on his elbow, cheeks flushed from the cold. He looked so angelic, so beautiful that my instincts got the better of me and I leaned over and kissed him quickly. Chris smiled pleasantly surprised and I blushed, while Gordie made gagging noises. I threw a fistful of snow at him to shut him up.  
  
I sat up and looked over to Gordie who had his hands in his pockets, looking around the park at the holiday enjoyers. He still had that damned look of contempt on his face, a grin tugging at his lips. What the hell was he so happy about? I recalled our conversation about Mary Louise, and I figured he didn't really care...he seemed quite happy about Jenny. So why was he so fucking happy?  
  
"Gordie! Why are you so happy?" I asked, standing up and helping Chris up. I brushed snow out of my hair and re-adjusted my mittens so the snow could be emptied from their current place on my wrist. Chris smirked and I arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't you just love the winter?" Gordie said, sighing happily. I rolled my eyes at his obvious sarcasm and waited for an answer. "Can't I just be happy Lark?"  
  
I laughed but quickly wiped the grin off of my face. I never really thought about that...in all honesty, Gordie never really was...happy. He would put on this act to make others think he was happy, but in the long run, Gordie was just an incredibly sad guy who never knew the meaning of the word 'love.' I frowned and looked sadly at him. Of course Gordie could be happy...why had I made such a big deal out of it? Maybe he really was content...even when he was with Mary Louise, Gordie always gave off a tainted vibe. Gordie was never the happy one out of us all. Even Chris with all his shit at home came off happy and even me who was mentally fucked up was happy most of the time. But Gordie...Gordie was never happy. You could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, feel it in him.  
  
I was thrown out of my Gordie moment when a snow ball went flying straight into my face, momentarily blinding me and literally freezing my eyelashes. I spat out snow and glared in Gordie's direction, but he had already ran down the hill we were sitting on in the park, probably to go bother some little kids about how their snowman didn't look enough like Elvis.  
  
I turned to Chris who was laughing at me and I swatted his arm playfully, smirking when he came over to me. Sitting down beside me, he leaned back and I couldn't help but catch a glimpse at the side of his neck where a fresh cut lay, deep red and scabbed. I immediately frowned, and leaned in closer.  
  
"Chris—what—"  
  
I didn't have to finish my sentence. He quickly turned towards me so I could no longer see his wound. I frowned and turned his head gently. "Don't tell me your dad—"  
  
Chris snapped his head back to me and looked away, coldly and oddly creepy. "Who the hell else would it be? Of course it's my old man..."  
  
I frowned, wishing he wouldn't become snappy with me. I knew his father had done it, I just wished that hadn't happened. How I wanted to kill that man so much, how I wanted to watch him suffer, suffer from all the damned pain he put his own goddamn children through every fucking day. White hot anger surged through my veins, and I momentarily began to shake from anger.  
  
I tenderly placed two fingers on the wound, wanting to see just how badly Chris was hurt. I knew that if I asked Chris how bad it was, he would of course lie to me and tell me it wasn't so bad, just so I'd stop worrying. I really didn't mean to be a nag, a nuisance, but it was Chris and I couldn't help wanting to take his pain away. When my fingers gently traced the cut, he winced and took in a sharp breath. I quickly stopped stroking his neck and instead traced my fingers against his cheek, hoping the pain would stop. Chris looked at me with his sad eyes and frowned.  
  
I didn't know what to say—there was nothing I could say. Words would ruin everything—words were overrated. Speech in general was overrated. I could read Chris' eyes—so full of regret, compassion, anger, innocent-ridden. He had seen so much more than his seventeen years of living, and I would do anything to change the way Chris was raised. He would be a different person—perhaps he wouldn't be the 'man-whore' everyone say him to be. I then knew why Chris took refuge in so many girls since he was fifteen. He'd been deprived of love, real love, strong passionate love, and one night stands were a poor substitute which gave him temporary pleasure. Some part of me was bitter and I wish Chris could just see how very strong my love was for him, but I knew he was too male to know. I just prayed that one day he'd know just how much I loved him, just how much I was willing to sacrifice in order for his safety and well being.  
  
"Lark, I'm really okay so stop looking at me as if this is the last time you're going to see me."  
  
I shook out of my daze and grinned somewhat bashfully. "Sorry."  
  
Chris grinned and shrugged. "Apology accepted."  
  
I smirked and turned when I heard Gordie running back up the hill, panting and fresh snow mounted in his dark hair. He looked absolutely wind-swept, and as if he'd just seen a ghost.  
  
"Guys!" he panted, running towards us. "Run!"  
  
I raised an eyebrow, quite alarmed. "What's wrong?"  
  
Gordie frowned at me and made a dive just as several snowballs came flying his way. "Never miss with five year olds and their damn snowmen!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
[heh, short chapter I know, but hopefully next chapter will be longer. I was kind of blanked out here. So, review please. :) sorry if I let you guys down with this chapter, it was lacking I know. *PS* StormShadow21: if you're reading this, I just want to say that I'm glad you're back (even if it's temporary!!) I was hoping you wouldn't be gone for too long! I can't wait until you start posting, hopefully soon; I was really enjoying your stories!! Anyways, thanks for the review! I missed your kooky reviews. They were my favorite! So I hope you still read my stories, and I can't wait until I see some postage on your part. Thanks...also—thanks to all me other reviewers!! – Shannon, Danihum, krist, CaptainSpaghetti, CherrySodaChocolateMilk, Sophie, SleepIsFun, Emily Smith and Blondie 03. You guys are my inspiration!!!] 


	24. Oh God, I think I'm falling

Oh God I think I'm falling...  
  
No, I know I've fallen. It's scary, and breathtaking, and gives me this icy feeling deep inside of me, but I know it's true. I'm done—gone, waving goodbye, I've fallen long ago. And every time those eyes meet mine, every time that voice reaches my ears, every time those hands grace my skin, I know I'm falling even more. When will I reach the bottom? Perhaps I already have, perhaps I'm merely being dramatic, and perhaps I'm being repetitive. Whatever it is, I know that I'm gone, so far gone, and even if I wanted to I couldn't come back. It's done—the deal's closed. I'm gone.  
  
And how I wish I wasn't gone—how I wish I could somehow come back to the person I used to be. So I haven't changed that much, but I've become somewhat more—mature? I don't know...all I know is that these feelings that I'm having aren't my usual feelings. They aren't things I've ever felt before, yet they are the feelings sixteen year old girls are supposed to have. Lust, love, passion, desire? And all these things have come over me for one reason and one reason alone.  
  
Chris Chambers.  
  
Damn him.  
  
And his smile...  
  
And that smirk.  
  
And his...body.  
  
And his laugh...and the way he always freaking CARES.  
  
And his beautiful eyes.  
  
And that fucking amazing, fly away, UNKEMPT hair of his.  
  
Damn him.  
  
~*~*~  
  
It was warm inside my house—the cold was dancing around in the frosty snow and I was thankful when Chris and I dropped Gordie off at his house—he had to go call 'someone' though no names were mentioned—and decided to get some hot chocolate. I hung Chris' coat and mine on the coat rack just beside the front door, and immediately the most delicious smell could be met to my nostrils and I immediately led the way to the kitchen.  
  
"Something smells GOOD," Chris commented, grinning softly. I laughed.  
  
"I bet my mom's baking again..."  
  
And indeed my mother was just setting some freshly baked cookies on the table, beside surprise-surprise a hot apple pie and brownies. I swear, it was like my mother's goddamn purpose and refuge in life to make all her offspring fat and unhealthy, yet oddly satisfied with baked goods that were SO DAMN GOOD.  
  
Danny was seated at the table currently stuffing as many baked goods into his body, while attempting to scribble some homework away. I had no idea where my other siblings were, but Teeny was seated in her seat coloring a picture. When we entered the kitchen my mom looked up and smiled happily.  
  
"Hello you two," she set pleasantly. "Why don't you guys have a snack? Just baked these!"  
  
Chris smiled and took a cookie happily. "Thanks Mrs. O'Reilly. They smell great."  
  
I rolled my eyes but grinned all the same as I grabbed a few cookies. I had to admit—the woman could bake. Damn well. Sometimes I really did like my mom—she was one of the few people who didn't look down upon Chris.  
  
"What are you guys up to today?" Danny asked, shoving yet another brownie into his mouth. I really did envy boy's metabolisms. They could eat and eat and eat, and still stay lanky and tall. Well, at least all the guys I knew could. Grr.  
  
I shrugged, starting to pour Chris and I glasses of milk from the fridge. "We went sledding in the park with Gordie—right never again. Little kids are so mean these days."  
  
Chris snorted and popped another cookie in his mouth, taking his glass of milk from me. He gave me a mischievous look and I couldn't help but blush slightly, hating how I was so vulnerable under his gaze. I coughed immediately, not wanting my brother or mom to notice anything—can you say embarrassing enough? But it seemed Danny was much more interested in the baked goods than his little sister's boyfriend. And my mom was already stirring a new cake mix up. I decided this was a good time to get away.  
  
"Well, we'll be upstairs," I said, grabbing a plate of cookies. "If you need something just holler."  
  
My mom nodded and smiled pleasantly, Danny grinned through a mouthful of cookie and Teeny waved her little hand at me. I quickly exited the kitchen, rather to be alone with Chris than anything else. I smirked as we ascended the stairs. "My mom is a bake freak—did you see all the shit she was baking?"  
  
Chris nodded happily, munching on a cookie. "I don't mind, not at all. My mom NEVER bakes...damn these cookies are good!" I laughed as he reached for another cookie. The boy could eat. We made our way into my bedroom and I gently closed my door, loving the feeling of warmth and serenity. It was so calming, so beautiful, so...peaceful. I wanted to stay in my room forever with Chris—besides for the obvious reasons—but just because it felt so damn...right. It was scary and kind of corny, but all the same it was this amazing, fleeting feeling in my stomach that I couldn't help but want to have every waking hour, every single fucking day of my life.  
  
"You're doing it again."  
  
I looked up distractedly at Chris as I sat on my bed, opposite of him. I quirked an eyebrow. "Doing what ?" I hated that—I hated how he always pointed those things out that I did, my little quirks, yet at the same time I loved it. I loved knowing that he noticed me—noticed ANYTHING about me, whether it be my nervous habits or annoying traits, whatever it was, Chris noticed me and that was worth the whole fucking world. Worth everything. Pretty damn pathetic...  
  
"You're staring again," Chris pointed out. "You look like you're thinking hard. You do it a lot."  
  
I frowned, munching on a cookie absentmindedly. "Is there something wrong with thinking?"  
  
Chris shrugged, grinning at me. "Nope. It's just—you do it a lot." I sighed. I couldn't help it—I couldn't help zoning out ever few minutes...my mind was like a TV buzzing, flipping through channels 100 miles per second. I had so much to think about that it actually hurt my head and I was exhausted. But what WASN'T there to think about? When didn't I think about Chris? When didn't I feel all angsty? When didn't I contemplate my life in my mind? Let's just say, I did it way to often.  
  
Chris stretched his arms over his head and lay back on my bed—a look of pure content on his face. He closed his eyes and suddenly looked so angelic I wanted to kiss him forever. I had this weakness for guys asleep. There was just something so deep, so moving, so sexy about sleeping guys. I don't know why, but I've always felt that way. And the way Chris' eyes gently fluttered and the steady breathing pattern made my heart skip several beats—something I'd grown accustomed to over the past months.  
  
"How do you do it?" I asked, looking down at him curiously. He opened his eyes and grinned gently.  
  
"Do what?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. I sighed and took another bite of my cookie, but suddenly the taste was nothing, my mouth was numb. It was like—when I was with Chris, or when I thought about him, everything became numb besides that fluttering feeling deep inside me. I was no longer hungry, I was no longer tired, I no longer breathed, it was like I wasn't even living. When Chris was with me, it was like that was the only thing worth anything anymore; I had no other desire than him. It was the most beautiful feeling that I've ever felt in my whole entire life, something I'd cherish for years to come.  
  
"How do you make it so it's so easy to..." I trailed off, hoping I didn't sound too corny and pathetic. "to fall for you?"  
  
Chris was silent and looked deeply at me. His eyes grew serious, not a serous-angry, more of a less playful and sincere kind of look, showing me he cared and wasn't going to laugh off my feelings. He was just so good. I looked down at him but quickly looked away—suddenly self conscious. I didn't want to get all deep on him, but I couldn't help but want him to know just how much I cared for him without scaring him off. I couldn't help it—I was drawn to his enigmatic presence.  
  
"I mean," I continued for the hell of it. I was throwing my pride out the window. "it's like inevitable. I can't help it. Damn you," I added, sighing but smiling faintly all the same way. He grinned at me and reached his hand up to stroke my cheek. "You know Chris, that night you came to my room and you were so wet and cold and tired and hurt...all I wanted to do was take care of you and make sure you were okay. I was scared and hurt and angry, but I knew I wanted to make it all right for you."  
  
Chris sat up and looked deeply into my eyes, so deeply I thought he'd fall into me. How I loved that stare and hated it all at the same time—how I knew I was so powerless under those eyes, under him. He was so close to me I was having trouble breathing, his body was against mine, the feeling was all too much, I wanted him, I needed him.  
  
"Lark," he said, his voice causing me to tremble slightly. "that night when we were together, even though it wasn't the first time I was with a girl like that...it was like the first time. It was like it meant something—it wasn't just a one night kind of thing." Chris snickered despite himself. "That sounded quite lame indeed. I apologize for my corniness."  
  
I smirked while I was floating on cloud nine. "Your corniness amuses me." He grinned and kissed me, a kiss that literally took my breath away. And I'm not kidding—I had to breathe through my nose. He gently ran his hand through my hair and leaned me back against my bed, covering my body with his. My whole body was tingling as he continued to kiss me, growing more passionately as he explored my mouth with his tongue. He pulled away after a few moments, and looked down at me. I felt his chest lift up and down upon my chest as he breathed, a few strands of his hair falling into his eyes as he looked down. He stroked my stomach with his hand and smiled gently at me. I think I was on the verge of pure ecstasy.  
  
"I love you Lark."  
  
He said it so simply, so plainly that I blushed and raised my eyebrows. It was so out of the blue—and yet the words rung throughout my mind. He loved me—and no, for once it wasn't platonically, it was pure, honest love. A love so innocent only we could share—our love. I felt tears pricking my eyes and I smiled gently, almost disbelieving what I had just heard.  
  
"I love you Chris," I said gently, grinning softly. He traced a finger across my cheek, staring at me for a few seconds, then sweetly kissed my lips. He lay down beside me, bringing my body up against his, and I breathed in his scent—that scent that literally knocked me off my feet. And we laid like that for the rest of the afternoon, just lying there together. Together, the way I always hoped it would be. And I knew at that moment, that I was head over heels in love.  
  
~*~*~  
  
[hey guys, thanks for my reviews. Right, so I'm thinking about ending this story soon. Perhaps in another chapter or so, or two or three. I dunno! I'm also thinking of doing an epilogue kind of deal—I dunno, I've never done one of those. So I don't know yet, nothing's too sure. But anyways, review and tell me if this chapter was too corny! It was full of fluff—fluff- filled, but I couldn't help myself, so I apologize if ya'll cringe throughout this chapter. Anyways, review as usual and take care! Love and Strawberries, The Good Girl.] 


	25. Enter my mind

"Gordie! What a pleasant surprise!"  
  
Gordie stood on his porch, leaning against the door archway and arched an eyebrow at me, amusement evident in his dark features. "Err Lark—you knocked up for me."  
  
I sighed and shrugged. "Eh—so? Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out here all afternoon in the freezing cold?"  
  
Gordie grinned his tired grin and my stomach dropped. I felt suddenly so bad—for some reason, I felt that Gordie had grown apart from Chris and I ever since we'd started going out. Sure, it was inevitable that Chris and I were together a bit more—but I couldn't help but feel...guilty? Maybe, but I knew I didn't like what I felt. Gordie was always there, always there to offer a smile, to talk to, to reassure you that you were his best friend...to make you just feel better. But what happened when that person—Gordie—was the one who needed to feel better? I suddenly felt selfish for all the years of our friendship I'd wasted away complaining about my life, when Gordie was there, listening. God, I loved him, and I wish he knew just how much sometimes. Gordie needed reminding—he needed people to know he loved him. He needed love.  
  
"It's not very cold out," Gordie observed, smirking at me. "Winters almost ever—reckon spring's just around the corner."  
  
I smiled—honestly, I couldn't wait for spring. Spring and summer. The days were longer, the outside was welcome, flowers bloomed, tans were fresh—it was just great. I loved being outside every day in the summer, sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade—anything really. Summer was a time when we could just be...innocent again. Forget about everything that went on in our lives, everything annoying and depressing that formed us into the people we are. Summer was a time for relaxation—a time to be young again. A time to shine.  
  
"Can I come in?" I asked, grinning now. Gordie smiled his warm, slightly quirky, smile and shrugged, moving aside to let me in.  
  
"Why thank you," I said happily, as he closed the door behind us.  
  
Gordie's house was—empty to say the least. Sure, there was furniture and a TV and things like that—but it was empty. Old. Creaky. Lonely. I didn't go over Gordie's much, mainly because it wasn't a happy place to be. Gordie usually came to my house. A cold, bitter feeling immediately washed over me and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad—all the pictures hanging on the walls of Denny and the LaChance family before that horrible accident. It was so...depressing. There was no other word for it. It was bright in his house, but somehow, it was so dark. Stepping into the living room I suddenly recalled why I hardly came to the LaChance home. It was absolutely deprived of love and happiness.  
  
"Want to go to my room?" Gordie asked. I nodded, happy to get out of the downstairs. We made our way silently to his bedroom and once inside the room, I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. I was happy I didn't have to face Mr. or Mrs. LaChance. Mr. LaChance was a burly man, a permanent scowl etched across his once handsome face, and Mrs. LaChance, a fake smile plastered across her lovely but tainted features. It hurt to be near them—every time I heard them speak I couldn't help but be reminded of Denny and that led me to be reminded of how miserable Gordie was and that led me to be angry at how Mr. and Mrs. LaChance treated him. Overall, I didn't like their company much.  
  
"So what brings you here?" Gordie asked me, sitting down on his bed, looking through a magazine that had been thrown on his bed. I hopped on top of his desk and sighed, looking at him.  
  
"I haven't talked to you for days," I said. "It feels so much longer. I needed to talk to you."  
  
Gordie grinned. "I feel touched."  
  
"You should," I said, grinning. I sighed and searched my brain for something to talk about with Gordie. I suddenly remembered several months ago at the dance and Mary Louise and then his date—forget her name again—and I suddenly realized I'd never found it if Mary Louise and Gordie worked things out or what the hell his love situation was.  
  
"Hey—did you ever talk to Mary Louise?" I asked. Gordie immediately looked up at the mention of her name and a sudden weariness crept along his features. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I frowned and wondered what was up.  
  
"Yes."  
  
I arched an eyebrow, waiting for more. But Gordie didn't further his answer so I took it upon myself to find out what this guy was hiding from me.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddd?" I pried.  
  
Gordie grinned tiredly. "And what? There's nothing to be said. We're done—broken up. That's that. I've moved on. We're—okay I guess."  
  
I frowned. "You guess? Are you talking?"  
  
Gordie shrugged. "I don't know. Why are we talking about Mary Louise—I honestly have no interest."  
  
I shrugged and cracked my knuckles, much to Gordie's disgust. He could be such a girl sometimes...sigh. "Um, fine. Who do you want to talk about?"  
  
Gordie grinned lazily, leaning back on his bed. He put his hands behind his head and I hopped off the desk, immediately interested. I jumped onto his bed and giggled when he yelped.  
  
"Oooh Gordie, who is it?"  
  
"Who's what?"  
  
"Who's 'it'!"  
  
"Who's WHAT?"  
  
I sighed and leaned on my elbows, looking down at Gordie, who was laying the opposite way as me. He looked up at me, an amused look on his face I couldn't help but laugh a bit.  
  
"Who's your next...victim," I said. Gordie rolled his eyes.  
  
"I like someone."  
  
"No shit Gordie," I said, now rolling my eyes. Can guys be any slower? Damn morons. "Who is this someone?!"  
  
Gordie laughed at my aggravation and sighed happily. "Jenny."  
  
I raised my eyebrows for a moment, slightly let down by his answer. Jenny was the girl he'd brought to the dance and honestly, I hadn't liked her. She was very perky and bubbly, with light brown hair and cheery green eyes. She was always so...smile-y and...Hey-y! I just found her a bit annoying. Gordie noticed my discomfort and frowned.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" He asked sharpness in his voice. I cringed at his tone—I hated that tone.  
  
"Nothings WRONG with her," I said, shrugging. "If you like her, that's great Gordie. You should be happy—if you like her, then I like her." I offered a warm smile and was relieved when he returned it, however, his eyes continued to stay skeptical.  
  
"I like her," he said to me. "You don't have to like her; I don't need your permission. But I like her. I'm not going out with her or anything; I'm taking it slow this time."  
  
I grinned again, hoping I hadn't set Gordie in one of his 'moods.' "That's good...I hope it works out for you."  
  
Gordie sighed and smiled at me, and this time I knew this smile was genuine. "I hope so."  
  
I sighed and flopped down, laying my head on his shoulder. "If it doesn't I'll beat her up."  
  
Gordie laughed and looked down at me. "Rrrright..."  
  
"You deserve someone who can take care of you," I told him, not really caring if he cared or not. "You deserve someone who will love you for you."  
  
Gordie sighed and shrugged. "I hope so..."  
  
I nodded and played with my fingers. I wanted Gordie to know that I did love him, that I would always be there for him not matter what—now matter if he drifted apart, or if we changed in the future. I'd always be there for him, he was like my brother, and I couldn't imagine my life without him.  
  
That was the power Gordie had over people—the same power Denny had. The same power that left everyone around them longing for more—and that power...that was Gordie.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Life sometimes takes surprising turns, and when we least expect it. It's kind of crazy how the world works...it's like everything around me is sleeping, and then one day...everything just kind of wakes up. Sometimes the things we do when we aren't even thinking have the greatest effect on us, whether we like it or not. If I had never kissed Chris, I would never be with him, which is kind of scary but amazing at the same time. I had never had a boyfriend in my life, just a bunch of guy friends. So I think sometimes...how in the hell did I get a guy? Am I living in some kind of quirky fairy tale with a sick and twisted ending? I didn't know how I got the guy—how I got the guy I've always loved for my whole life. Was it luck? Perhaps...Fate? Doubt it...id idn't know what it was, and a part of me didn't want to know, but at the same time I couldn't help but be curious. How did I get the guy?  
  
So it all comes down to this, when I think about it. My life isn't perfect—far from it. I'm not especially pretty...a few nice features, that's about it. I don't have a tall, thin, or even petite body...I'm just me. Lark. I'm not very sweet, and I say things before I think about them. I'm not perfect, who is in this fucked up world? I have so many flaws, but somehow, love blinds them all...for in my eyes, Chris hadn't one single flaw.  
  
And so I've come to the conclusion that my life is a fairy-tale, but not the kind that my mother read to me when I was five. No...it's kind of like a disturbed child's fairy tale. There's the good guy, Gordie...There's the hopeless fool, me. There's the suave prince everyone loves, Chris. And there's the bad guys...not really bad guys...more so the real world. When you reach a certain age, goblins and trolls stop being the bad guys. Instead it's peers, homework, pressure, angst...it's all of these things. And I can't escape them—it's like there's always a dark shadow hovering...tainting the world around me. But through this darkness, through this inner storm of ire and wrath, there is a light, if you look hard enough. And this light...this light is so strong—this light can kill of any evil without even harming it. This light is what you wake up for in the morning, this light is what gives you the will to go to school and endure the mindless immature freaks dubbed our social peers, this light is what you live for. This light is whatever you see it to be. A parent, a friend, a sibling, a love. For me...this light...this light is him.  
  
For the greater part of my life I lived in the darkness—always watching from the outside in, never really experiencing anything for myself. It's sculpted me into the person I am, it's changed my life, it's MADE my life. But then—I dunno, it's like a wake up call. I woke up and realized I wasn't going to sit around any longer and watch everything happen—and that was when I kissed Chris that first evening on the dirt road. He was my light, and I knew if I didn't keep it burning, it'd die out.  
  
So why am I boring you with this insight and rather annoying soliloquy? Because I've discovered something...not all stories have happy endings. Not all stories have bad endings. I don't know what the ending to the story of my life, Lark, will be. I've discovered that life just goes and goes, and we have to go with it or we'll be left in the dust. I've figured that I can't live my life from afar, I won't sit down any longer. I will stand up, and everyone will hear my voice, whether they want to or not. My voice will be heard, and I will not have any regrets. And I don't know how my story will end...but I do know...that when it does...I won't look back once.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Chris?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Can...can I ask you a question?"  
  
Chris looked up at me as we sat up in the tree we'd climbed so many times when we were little. It was in the middle of a vast field, and sometimes I'd just go out there to think, relax, get away from home, anything. Chris and I sat on the tree, watching the sky slowly turn pink and a few butterflies dance around. Spring was beautiful...the snow had all melted away several weeks before leaving little kids angry but I delighted. I didn't like the snow—it left me feeling morbid. But the spring...I didn't want it to end.  
  
"Depends on what the question is," Chris said grinning. He looked over at me, several locks of his hair falling lazily over his right eye. What did I do to deserve this beautiful individual beside me?  
  
"I..." I trailed off, wondering exactly how to word the question that haunted me so many days, everyday. "Listen, at the risk of sounding melodramatic and farfetched, I need to ask you something, and please, please, please don't get mad at me."  
  
Chris looked at me amused, snatching a dead leaf from the tree and crumpling it in his hands. "Okay."  
  
"It's just...it's just that...I've been thinking."  
  
"Oh no..."  
  
I swatted his shoulder. "Hey, I'm pouring my heart out here!" I rolled my eyes but smirked nonetheless. "Okay. Well...it's just...you're the first person I've ever truly cared about like this and...it's just...there's so many girls out there who are so much prettier than me and nicer than me who'd love to have you as their boyfriend—and...well...I mean, I'm just afraid that you'll run off to a prettier girl...oh I know this sounds so lame and foolish!"  
  
I put my head in my hands and wondered why I had even brought this up. I just needed to know. I had to know—but how could I know? How did I know Chris wouldn't run off with a pretty girl who was sweet and nice and forget about me? It hurt my heart to think about it, but I couldn't help it. I felt so foolish.  
  
"Uh Lark," Chris said. I looked up at him through spread fingers. "I'm not gonna run off to some girl just because they are pretty."  
  
I took a long, deep rattling breath, and I was afraid I'd start crying. He just didn't see it—how could I take his word for it?  
  
"But—but you say that...I get so scared! I—it's...I've never had something as special as you before in my life and I don't want to lose it!" My voice was definitely cracking and uneven. It had that quaver people get before they start crying—right before they start crying. I was afraid I'd start crying...I couldn't cry. I didn't want Chris to be upset.  
  
"Isn't my word good enough?" Chris asked. I looked up into his eyes shamefully. He set his jaw in a tight line. "I knew this was going to happen—I fucking knew it. How could you think that I'd dump you and go off to someone just for sex appeal? I fucking knew this was going to happen—it's because of my rep at school, isn't it? Man, I thought you were different Lark..."  
  
This was what I hoped would not have happened. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut...why did I have to ask dumb questions and feel sorry for myself? It was true that I couldn't help but feel a bit forlorn ...who wouldn't feel cautious? Chris had been with many a girl and how did I know he would just suddenly stop his whorish ways for me? That was asking a lot for a seventeen year old boy...but I saw the hurt in his eyes and my heart immediately broke.  
  
"Chris!" I said shakily...I felt the burning behind my eyes and knew I was so close to crying. "You said you weren't going to get mad at me!"  
  
Chris rolled his eyes and glared at me. He began to descend the tree and I couldn't let him go down.  
  
"Wait!" I said, grabbing onto his arm. "Please—listen to me. I can't help it, Chris! I care about you and I'm just afraid you don't care about me half as much! It's just—I'm sorry, please don't be upset!"  
  
Chris sighed angrily and looked at me. "Listen Lark, I'm going to say this again, and I'm only going to say it once. I. Love. You. I am not gonna run off to some other girl just because they are pretty. I do care about you, and if that's not enough than I don't know what is."  
  
I shook my head and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry for asking the question—I dunno why I did...I just...I really don't want to lose you. I get hurt a lot."  
  
Chris looked at me and his face fell slightly, but he recovered and leaned back into the tree. "You're not gonna lose me, I'm not going anywhere. So stop freaking out."  
  
I sighed and sat across from him, feeling embarrassed and stupid. I rubbed my eyes and looked into the sky, wishing things were less complicated. I really did love Chris, but it was just too unreal for me. It was strange and amazing and scary and unreal. But I embraced it—all I cared about was Chris, and I had him. So why did I have to doubt his trust? Sometimes I could really confuse myself.  
  
"Sorry," I mumbled, after a few moments. Chris shrugged and seemed disgruntled.  
  
"I shouldn't have freaked out...I guess I see where you're coming from. But Lark, I do love you."  
  
I smiled tentatively and looked back into the sky. "I know..."  
  
It had been a weird night...Chris and our argument was so pointless looking back on it—I should have never brought it up. I needed to go with the flow...and you know, if Chris did ever break up with me, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I just needed to love him while I had him.  
  
We sat there in silence as the rest of the sky turned pink, and I just thought about Chris and me...how I was in love with him, and how I'd never been in love...and how so damn lucky I felt to have him...  
  
And the sun set.  
  
~*~*~  
  
[Wow, sorry for the delay on that chappie. It was a bit confusing to write—I don't really know what it was about. I do know that there are only like 2 chapters left for this story. I'm trying to think about how to end it and whether or not I should do an epilogue. Let me know what you think! Epilogue—not epilogue? And I'm kind of stumped on an ending—thanks to Chelsea (storm shadow) for help with that!! I have like two ways to end it but I don't know how, and I'm thinking of going with the more easier ending, just because it fits my story. I'm trying my best to not make this story clichéd, so let me know if it is. Review! Yay...] 


	26. Found

Spring was definitely here, that was for sure. The sun hung in the sky longer, the wind became warmer yet still cool, and flowers started popping out all over. As I wandered down the vacant street, not really having anywhere in mind, I let my mind begin to wonder, and not really to anything in particular. It had been a few weeks after my visit with Gordie, and I hadn't talked to him for a while. I'd catch a glimpse of him around school, and I'd see him with Jenny, and he looked so..._happy_. It was too cute, and I couldn't help but begin to like Jenny—just a _bit_. She sat with us at lunch now, and once you got over her excessive smiling and optimism, you couldn't help but think she was such a sweetheart. She really didn't mean any harm, and I truly was so happy for Gordie. He had finally found a light in his dark life; I just hoped this light wasn't going to burn out anytime soon.  
  
Chris and my relationship hadn't changed much—the argument in the tree was soon forgot and buried just as winter had been. I figured I had to trust Chris completely and wholly, or else our love would bee in vain. So I let it be—I was not going to be affected when girls flirted with Chris—I knew he loved me, and I loved him. And that was enough for me. Though I couldn't help but want to strangle each girl who talked to Chris. _Ahhh_, the wonders of love.  
  
I was actually surprised the streets were so vacant. It was a Saturday afternoon, the sun was blazing hotter than usual, and everyone seemed to be inside. Dust coated the road, and every time I took a stop a cloud of dust would follow in my footprints. My hair was tied in a carefree ponytail to keep the thickness of my shoulders, and my hand-me-down jeans frayed at the ends. It was a hot day, that was clear, and I felt tingles of perspiration linger on my forehead...I was thankful for my light T-shirt—I had contemplated wearing a sweater that morning.  
  
I wasn't quite sure where I was going—I figured my feet cold take me wherever they wished. After a few moments of just wondering around, I found my destination: it was the old park Gordie, Chris, Teddy, Vern and I used to play at when we were just little kids. It was abandoned now; graffiti on the slide, and remains of tires and garbage littered the once fresh area. It made me sad to see the broken swings and snapped slide. I made my way over to one of the swings that was indeed not broken, and I sat on it, snaking my arm around the rusted chain. I wondered what Chris was doing—he had called me earlier saying something about his father and his little sister, but he wouldn't give me details. I figured the usual, and decided to fend for myself for the day. Who knew where Gordie was—hadn't seen him since English yesterday.

A large cloud moved and covered the sun, and I grinned in relief. I was quite sure my usual pale skin was beet red, and I didn't fancy it much. I was quite content just sitting there, kind of zoning out, when I heard footsteps and looked up from the dirt where I was writing my name with my foot. I squinted and saw the skinny and tall figure of Gordie come toward me. He had his hands in his pockets, and his hair was blowing in the wind. He walked over to the swing set and leaned against the pole, grinning at me.

"This is the last place I expected to find you," he said. "So naturally, I came here first."I smiled and leaned back, beginning to swing. I hadn't swung in a swing for years, probably since I was ten or twelve. I missed being young and carefree, running around, getting dirty, being a kid. Those days were long gone. I smiled reminiscently."Can I help you Gordo?" I asked, leaning back in my swing, my hair just above the dirt. Gordie took the swing next to me, and snaked his arm around the chain also, looking at me."Just came to see what you were doing," he said. "Seems like we haven't really talked for awhile. Anything new?"I sighed, shrugged and sat up straight again. "Mmm nope. Nothing what-so-ever. How about with you? Have you asked out Jenny yet, hm?"Gordie laughed carelessly and I smiled. "Not yet...don't know if I want to. I have a good friend in her now."Something along the lines of jealousy sparked in me, but I buried the dangerous feeling. No, I was not going to be selfish. Gordie was one of my best friends, I would be happy for him. I loved him. I would _not _be overcome with jealousy. I smiled tenderly at him as the sun began to prickle my face. It felt hot and heavy, but at the same time somewhat refreshing. Gordie looked over at me and sighed."You haven't changed."I frowned, and looked over at him, confused. "What do you mean?"Gordie shrugged and kicked some dirt. "I mean you haven't changed—this you've started going out with Chris. I'm glad—I thought you'd start wearing makeup and doing your hair and putting on high heels and being all giggly and girly. Most girls who like Chris do that."I didn't really know what to say. Sure, I hadn't changed much since Chris and I had been together. I had matured, that was one thing, but basically I was still the same—probably because I just didn't know _how_ to change. I looked over at him and shrugged."Is that a good thing?" I asked. It was the only thing that I really thought to ask. Honestly—what was I supposed to say to Gordie's declaration? It was abrupt and quite amusing at the same time, but still very random.Gordie nodded. "Yes, it is. I couldn't stand it if you changed—please do not change."I shrugged again and began to swing. "I'm not going to change—I don't know how." Gordie gave me a warm smile, though I don't know exactly what it was for. That was Gordie though...he always had this mysterious way of letting you know you were alright...letting you know you'd be okay in the end. I didn't know if I was going to be okay in the end, but I was okay now, and with Gordie beside me, I knew it could only get better."Gordie," I said. "I don't know if me and Chris are going to be together forever. I know that all great things come to an end—is it so wrong to be afraid of what the end might bring?"Gordie squinted into the bright sky and ran a hand through his hair. The spots under his eyes were burnt red and he looked tanner than usual. Gordie always did get dark during the summer—one of the things I always envied of him. I'd burn—he'd grow dark.Gordie cleared his throat and glanced over at me. "Lark, I dunno if you and Chris will be together forever. Honestly, chances are slim. But you _are_ together right _now_. And you've got to live in the moment, or else you won't live at all. Chris loves you. You love Chris. Try not to think of the ending—think of the moment, all the times you and Chris are together. Life's more enjoyable that way."  
  
I sighed. "You're right...it's just scary and hard."Gordie nodded deeply. "You think if I thought about the end everyday with Denny, I'd have all those great memories with him? I miss him a lot—you know that, I'd do anything to go back and change that night—but I can't. And I'm just glad I had the times I had with Denny and that I have _memories_. Memories that will never fade. I loved Denny and I miss him—the way he smells, his laugh, that magic he had. But I'll never forget him, and that's just the way it is. I never thought about the end."I felt tears in my eyes. Gordie was that good. He _was_ a writer. He could bring tears to your eyes without even trying. And it was at that moment, right then, that I felt something I'd always remember years later. I felt that connection, that _thing_, that told me I'd found a friend that would never leave.That was the moment I found Gordie...honestly, truly found him.

[**Author Note**: That was short!! Sorry!! It took me_ FOREVER_ to write. I apologize for the delay. One more chapter left!!! I really want to wrap this story up soon. Better to quit while ahead, you know. Well review and tell me what you think! Also—epilogue/no epilogue? Tell me in the reviews. Oh yeah and WE BROKE 100 REVIEWS!!! WE DID IT!!! Heheh I'm so excited. :) Love and Strawberries, _The **Good** Girl_.] 


	27. My Own Private Story

"Let's _negotiate_ here."  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Come on—I'll give you thirty dollars if you give me that?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Dammit gimme it, _please_?"  
  
"_No_!"  
  
I growled at Chris as I rolled the dice. We were sitting on my front porch playing Monopoly and sipping lemonade. It was a hot day outside and my face was burning with heat. School was almost over—it kind of scared me. Next year I would be a _senior_. Just the sound of it made me cringe. I wasn't ready for the real world in only a year.  
  
I moved my hat piece to the 'Go to Jail' square and frowned. I _always_ lost at Monopoly. It was like my weakness-whereas Chris kicked my ass every single time. He smiled happily and took a sip of lemonade. His face was tanned a bronze and his blonde hair blew in the wind. The sun cast a glow about him and every time I looked at him I was afraid I'd stop breathing. Dammit.  
  
"Sigh," I said. "It's hot. And I'm losing at Monopoly. And there's a butterfly that keeps pissing me off!" I swatted at the damn insect, but it flew out of my reach just as my hand was about to clasp it's blue wings. I wasn't going to hurt the butterfly—just put it somewhere else. It was annoying me.  
  
Chris laughed as the butterfly danced away and he took another sip from his drink. As he watched the butterfly dance about I saw a fresh scratch just under his ear. It worried me and broke my heart once again.  
  
"How did everything work out yesterday?" I asked subtly, trying not to be too direct. I honestly just wanted to know how badly Chris was hurt, but I couldn't come out and ask him. I was afraid he'd get angry. Chris looked over at me and immediately a dark, creepy look overtook his features.  
  
"It went just like every other day goes, Lark," he said, sighing and leaning back in his chair. The wind played with his hair and his eyes were so..._sad_. I felt so bad...I couldn't really do anything. I just sat there and looked at him; wanting to hold him and tell him everything would be okay—but how could I do that when the truth was everything wasn't going to be okay? The truth was Chris would always be beat by his father unless some miracle came along and his father realized what a pig he was...truth was Chris was broken and bruised, and he always would be. I could only offer my love for his pain.  
  
"Chris—I'm sorry," I muttered lamely. What was I supposed to say? I had no idea—what did Chris _want_ to hear? "One day you won't feel anymore pain, Chris. I know how strong you are and sometimes it scares me because I know you don't need anybody to survive, but maybe you should let people try and help...you're not alone in this."  
  
Chris shrugged indifferently and ran his fingers over his eyebrows...it looked like he had a headache. I felt bad ever bringing the day up—I should have learned from experience to just keep my mouth shut about these kinds of things, but sometimes I blurted things out before I thought about them...and the regret was immense. Chris needed to know he wasn't alone—how _could _he be alone? I was there for him, Gordie was there for him, we were all _there_ for him. But perhaps that wasn't enough—Chris had people _there_ for him...maybe he needed more. And something jabbed at me, daring to haunt the question that I wanted so desperately to ignore...Was I truly the right person for Chris?  
  
"I feel so helpless," I said. "Please talk to me."  
  
Chris looked into my eyes and frowned. "What do you want to hear Lark?" he snapped. I winced inside, but didn't show it. "Do you want to hear that I'm _okay_? That this I'm getting used to his beatings and his rage, and that you can maybe _change_ everything? It's a part of life, Lark. This is who I am. I get beat by my dad. Oh well, what am I supposed to do? I just have to help my mom and sister and brothers, because they are so much more important. I can take his beatings, I'm numb to them. _What do you want to hear_?"  
  
I looked dead on into him and saw how tired he looked. He looked so..._old_. So different than the Chris I knew and cared about. The Chris I loved was strong, and funny and sensitive and KIND. But this Chris—this Chris was tortured and sad and alone. And as much as I wanted to refuse it, this Chris was the one I loved too, this Chris was mine. I took a deep breath and looked at him. I didn't know what I wanted to hear...of course I wanted to hear that he would be okay and that I _could_ change everything, but that wasn't the truth. I couldn't change anything. I was merely a catalyst in this ever turning formula.  
  
He took a breath and looked at me tenderly, almost regretfully. "I didn't mean to blow up on you. I'm sorry...it's just...don't expect me to pour my heart out to you every time my old man has a mean-streak. That's just the way it is."  
  
I looked at him skeptically, and I knew he could read my eyes. "I'm okay," he said, answering my unvoiced question. "Please stop worrying about me so much...I'm strong, I promise I won't lose it."  
  
I didn't smile at him, but offered him a tainted look. "I know...but that's what scares me the most...you being so _strong_. Maybe you should not be so strong sometimes...maybe you should depend on someone more."  
  
Chris shook his head. "I can't. I just can't. I fight my own battles; I'm not depending on anyone."  
  
I nodded, knowing how stubborn Chris could be and knowing I couldn't change his mind. I reached across the table and took hold of his hand. My own hand looked so tiny against his rough, bigger ones. He looked at me sincerely.  
  
"I don't know what I'd do without you Lark."  
  
I grinned at the irony of it all...here Chris was telling me a minute ago that he couldn't depend on anyone, yet he had just said he needed me. I smiled at him and played with his fingers in mine.  
  
"You'd lose it," I said, laughing a bit. He looked at me tiredly and grinned also. I stood up and walked over to him, sitting down beside him on the rocking swing, and loving the feeling of his body against mine. He placed his arm around me and I leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes.  
  
The sky was turning pink, and the summer air hung around us, entrancing us in a magical beauty so breathtaking. A butterfly danced around, and the faint buzz of insects set me at rest. I was finally at peace with the world, at peace with the world I hated so much yet couldn't live without. We sat in silence, Chris and I, just enjoying his company and hoping the night would never end.  
  
My life was a constantly moving story book. It was disturbing, yet fairy tale like, and beautiful. It was somewhat sad, but uplifting all the same. I realized as days passed and as I grew older that no matter what I couldn't control what my story had in store for the next chapter. What would come would come, and I'd just have to meet it when it did. My life was my life, and I had to love it regardless of what happened. I fell in love with my best friend, and with some crazy turn of the stars, he loved me back, and that feeling was worth my whole life. It's kind of crazy how my story worked out—how I, Lark O'Reilly, got the guy. It's funny and yet beautiful at the same time. Everyone had their own story—mine just happened to have some twists in it. But no matter how fucked up my story was, it was _my story_, and Chris was in my life, and that was worth everything to me.  
  
I don't know how my story is going to end. I don't know if Chris and I will be together forever, for a month more, or even for a year more. All I knew was that Chris and I were together then, at that moment, and I didn't care about the rest of my story. I had Gordie in my story, I had Chris in my story, I had my beautiful family in my story, and that was all I needed at that moment. I desired no more. I was in love with my best friend, and I knew no matter what came between Chris and I, no matter what life had in store for us, one thing would always hold true: We would always be best friends.  
  
Chris was my best friend, and he had always been there for me. I could only hope I could return all those times he'd been there. And I knew, at that moment, as I loved him with a passion so strong it caused my heart pain, that I would always be his best friend, and he'd always be by my side. As Chris held me that night, and kissed me I knew he loved me.  
  
Me...the platonic girl. Me...boring Lark. Me...his best friend.

. . . . . . . . .

**_THE END!!!_**  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed throughout this story!!!! **_I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!_** Thanks to those who stuck by this story from the very, very beginning. It's been one hell of a ride...well I'm still debating on an epilogue or not, and how to write it, so send me some feedback!! I love you all!! I hoped you liked the ending...This story was dedicated to all of you!! May you all find the beauty in your own story. Love and Strawberries, _The _**Good **_Girl_. :) 


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